A DOCTOR IN SPITE OF HIMSELF.

Auckland Star, Volume LIX, Issue 279, 24 November 1928, Page 3 (Supplement)

A DOCTOR IN SPITE OF HIMSELF.

This is one of Uio many amusing stories told by the great French writer Molierc, who was famous in the generation that followed Shakespeare. ' Martine had been beaten again by her husband. Sganarelle, the woodcutter, was treating her 'worse and worse, and she resolved to be avenged. Her opportunity was at hand, for soon two valets passed her door complaining of their plight. They must find a good doctor. "Our master's daughter is ill," they explained. "Many physicians 'have failed to cure her, and we now look for one of those quacks who have secrets of their own and work wonders at times."

"Ah! Thank heaven!" thought Martine, and she told them her husband was just the man t'hey waited. "Take it from me," she said, "no more than three weeks ago he again worked wonders. A young child fell from the church tower and broke his head, his arms and his legs. Sganarelle had hardly been taken to the spot, had hardly rubbed the child's body all over with a balm of his making, when the boy stood on his feet and ran off acrain to play." "Where was this wonderful man, the men inquired, and Martinc pointed to the forest.

"There in the forest lie is enjoying himself cutting logs." "A physician chopping wood?" "Ah! he is not like the others, you sec. .Sometimes he will play a mad freak, dressing up as a peasant, or Hying from his patients. Just now his liobbv is denying that he is a doctor. He will "let you beat the life out of him before he" acknowledges his science, but if you do use the stick he will do marvels." "A curious tiling," said one of the men, "that all great men have some caprice, some bit of foolishness, mixed up with all their knowledge. I have noticed it often." They walked toward the forest and camo upon their man. "Arc you Sganarellc?" they asked. "Yes and no. It depends what you want with him."

"No harm for sure." _ "In that case I am Sganarellc. What's your business 1" "Sir, we have heard of your cleverness and we need yon." "You arc right there. I am the best hand at making faggots." "What a pity, sir, that a man like you, a scholar, a famous doctor, should wish to disguise himself in such a way!" "Ho is mad!" Sganarellc thought. "A doctor?" he exclaimed, "I have never been a doctor."

"She was right," sakl the valets to each other. "We shall have to use the stick. 1 ' And this they did, after a long dispute, till they made the exhausted woodcutter admit that he was a physician and that he would follow them anywhere. In the garb of a professional man the grave-loking Sganarello caino at last very much to enjoy the joke. "They want to make a fool of me," he thought,' "but never mind, let us pull

(heir legs and make the' most of it" for Sganarelle was cunning and grasping.

Now lie was introduced to Geronte, a rich citizen whose daughter Lucinda had lost her speech. Geronte had consulted jriany doctors, but none could cure her; time was flying, and his friend, the wealthy Horace, might uot want to many'Lucinda if she were dumb much longer. The old man was very anxious. '"Ecre is my aughter awaiting you," he explained to Sganarerlc. "Very well; what is the matter with yon, my young lady?" In vain' poor Lucinda tried to speak, muttering strange syllables. "Whatever is this language? I don't understand a word!" said our doctor. "Sir, that is l>cr trouble," Geronte explained. "She has suddenly become dumb, and the worst of it is that it delays the marriage I have settled for her." Can you tell us what is the cause of it?" "Quite easily. Speech has left her." "Yes, but how is it?" "All the scholars will tell you that it is the action of the tongue that has stopped. Aristotle has written a lot on the subject. Ah! he was a great man. An inch or so taller than I. Do you understand Latin? There is a Latin word exactly explaining the case. You do not? It is a pity. Well, you know that the action of the tongue is governed by certain fluids." Finding that Geronte knew no more than he knew himself, Sganarelle dazed the father with words.

"No man could reason better," observed Geronte, ''but one thing bothers me; you place the liver on the left and the heart on'the right. I have nevei heard of this before.''

"It wits the reverse in olden times," Sgauarelle boldly explained. "Now everything is cha.iged." "Oh, I beg you pardon, sir; I am not up-to-date, you sec. Then, when will yon prescribe for my daughter?" "Send her to bed and let her take bread soaked in wine. Parrots are fed on nothing else, and they speak nicely." Gcronte, enchanted with the idea, insisted on the woodmen accepting a large sum of money and promising to come again. And now Sga rarclle was to have another visitor, Leandrc, a young man of proud birth. Leandre was not in the least sick, but he loved Lucmda as much as Lncinda loved him, and he wanted to marry her in spite of her father, who desired a richer suitor for her. Leandrc had heard of the visit of Sgauarelle and what bettei could ht> do than tell him everything concerning Lueinda?

However pfted our woodman was, he could hardly ha\c guessed the truth, for this is what he heard from Leandre.

"You must know, sir,' said the lover, "that the illness you are trying to cure is a pretended ihncss. The true cause of it is the dislike of Lucinda for the man her father wants her to marry, her dumbness is all she could think 01 to delay tie weddii.g day and ren.ain true to me."

"Then what can I do fur you?" said tlio astonished Sganarelle. "Help me lp see her," said Leandre "Then you will dress up as a doctor, and call there with nic as my assistant."

"Oh, but I know nothing of medi

cine." "Nor do I," said Sganarelle. "I am not a physician; they made me so in spito of niv kicking. I don't know how they got it into their heads, but I had to give way and go with them. How- j ever, you could never imagine how the news 'spreads. It is comical, indeed. People crowd to see me, and if they go on doing so I may stick to the job and leave my old one. After all, medicine is a good business. If a shoemaker spoils a piece of leather he must take up another and lose, but for us doctors, when wo make a mistake we lay it at the door of the victim who dies; and the dead tell no tales."

The delighted Lcandre put on a long coat and a doctor's wig and to Lucinda's house they went. Suddenly Lucinda began to speak! Geronto warmly congratulated the two physicians. Lucinda could talk again, and now she would many Horace. Yes, Lucinda could talk again, and she did talk, and on, and on, bursting forth with all the words she had stored in her head for days. Jut what she said was not what pleased Geronte, for she said that she would never marry her father's friend, that nothing would make her change her mind, that she would rather he a nun, and at the end she said so much and with such passion that Geronte turned imploringly to Sganarelle and said: "Sir, could you not make her dumb again?" "Impossible, sir," Sganarelle answered. "All 1 can do is to make you deaf." It happened that Leandre inherited a rich fortune, so that Geronte was pleased to have him for a sou and he and Lucinda were married and were happy. As' for Sganarelle, he had proved himself so clever that his wife was dalighted to have him back; and, being left alone whenever he was bad tempered, he had no opportunity to beat her any more.

So that all was well and the adventure that was to have been fatal to everybody concerned made everybody happier.