POLITICAL QUIPS.

Auckland Star, Volume LIX, Issue 261, 3 November 1928, Page 11

POLITICAL QUIPS.

FROM VARIOUS PLATFORMS. LIGHTER SIDE OF POLITICS. "I'M NOT A TWISTER!" 'Ts it not a fact that you went to the United party's rooms a week or so ago looking for a job as ;i canvasser'/'' asked -x man at Mr. P. B. Fitzgerald's meeting it Point Chevalier last night. "Xo," said the Reform candidate. "What's that';" said the questioner. "Why, Mr. Fitzherbert, you came to me yourself." "I'll tell you the story," said Mr. Fitzherbert. "You are trying to make political capital out of the fact that I went and asked for a paid job." (Applause.) When the uproar subsided, Mr. Fitzherbert explained that he was not a wealthy man. "I need money, and at the time I did go to the United party's rooms and asked for work. I was under the impression that another man in Auckland, with some influence, was to stand for Grey Lynn in the Reform interests. I am not a' twister, as has been said. I merely asked for a job on wages." "Li you were a good man the Reform party would have been pleased to have you," retorted the questioner. THAT HARBOUR BRIDGE. ''Are you really in favour of the harbour bridge?" asked one of the audience at the open-air meeting which Mr. A. Harris addressed at Devonport last evening. "I can honestly say that I am," said Mr. Harris. "I think I can claim to be the father of the harbour bridge." To this the inevitable wag replied: "Don't be silly. It isn't born yet." BRAINS AND BRAWN. A running tire of interjections kept Mr. J. S. Dickson busy at his Kohimarama meeting last" night, but the well-known Reform candidate scored on several occasions. Once he made a reference to "brawn mid brains," which had appeared on a leaflet published by an opponent. "I've got brains—not brawn," said Mr. Dickson. "You can get brawn at the butchers!" '•Brains, tool" came back from the crowd. Mr. Dickson couldn't get his retort out quickly enough: "Yes. you get sheep's brains at the butchers." (Uproar.) CONVERTS. When the noisier faction at Mr. W. C. Hewitt's meeting was thoroughly enjoving itself in St. James' Hall last"night,"a stout elderly gentleman near the'front had a sudden burst of sympathy for the candidate. "I've always voted Labour, but I'm going to vote United this time!" he called encouragingly. "We've always voted Labour, and we are going to go on doing it! "was the prompt chorus from the rear. There was a similar incident at Mr. A. J. Stallworthy's meeting in the Methodist Hall, Dominion Road, when a man who had asked some questions thanked the United candidate for his straight answers. "I have voted Reform all my life,' 'he added, "but now I am voting Stallworthv, United party ' : (Applause.) "THE OLD, OLD STORY." The open-air meeting which Mr. A Harris, Independent Reform caudidat€ for Waitemata, addressed at Devonport last evening, underwent several vicissitudes. It had been announced to be heki in Marine Square, but a keen southwesterly breeze made the chosen spot none too inviting for either speaker 01 audience, and Mr. Harris "kicked off' from an upturned packing-case alon?side the pavement at the foot of Victoria Road. All went well until the crowd began to ?row, and the pavement was blocked. Then the police suggested tactfully but firmly that the Marine Square was perhaps the best place after all, and there was nothing for it but to move It was a chilly business for all concerned and those who had ventured out without overcoats looked none too pleased witr. themselves. The candidate had to hole his hat on with one hand, and, altogether, the conditions were against fervid and convincing oratory. 'Bv s quaint coincidence the' band of a Salva tion Army meeting, which was beim held a short distance up the main road struck up the hymn "Tell me the old old story." just as Mr. Harrif embarkec on his oft-repeated declaration of th< efficiency and wisdom of the Reforrr Government. "YOU ARE A COATSIE!"

The decided Labour faction that attended Mr. W. E. Parry's meeting at St Benedict's Hall last evening was most unsympathetic to an unsteady individual, who between snatches of slumber interrupted the sneaker. "Whv shuddent shiey be." h e slobbered when Mr. Parry declared that companies in New Zealand were the most heavily taxed in the world.

"You are a Coatsie," and "Shut Up." was the angry chorus that was calculated to quieten the interjector. "I'm a civil servant," he persisted, and this drew from the candidate an appeal for him to remain quiet in the interests of the civil service. Further inaudible mumbling prompted Mr. Parry to remark: ''Look here, friend. I'll have to have something done ." He got no further, however, for the maudlin one with an apologetic little "Exskoos me."' rose from his seat, swayed dangerously, and then, after patting a member of the audience affectionately on a shiny bald pate, tacked his way out of the hall. From then on the speaker sailed along merrily without further interruptions. 1 i