RANDOM SHOTS

Auckland Star, Volume LI, Issue 248, 16 October 1920, Page 18

RANDOM SHOTS

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Rome write :i nelshDoiirs name to msn, Some write—vain thought for needful cash, Some write to please tue country clash And raise a din; For mc, an aim I never fasb, 1 write for fun.

I The text frfr to-morrow's sermon ' should surely bo, "She brought forth butter in a lordly dish." I It takes a Racing Bill to keep the J House- of representative* up a.ll niffht. I It pu-ssed the mere band and Income T;ix' ISill in a few hours. The lyord Mayor of Cork and hie brother huilßor-*»trik«>rs have a claim to fame, far greaJter than that of being! heroic deliers of the Saxon tyrant. They are the only people, in the worl.l who - , have solved the problem of tlie tost ot j living. I +++++++*++ I Talking of the cost of living, it is 1 llhoilt to pursue even tlic dead. It > s I reported t.lnit the butter subsidy i>l , CIiOO.OOO in to come nut of death duties. 1 1 am indebted to " Civis" " colomn in the "fttugo Daily Times- f,,r the follow-1 :ng extract from an Knglidh illustrated paper accompanyine v photograph show-] inj; the Prime u{ Wales at Auckland:- ' "An excellent protograph of his Royal j lli}fhiies s taken during his visit t,> New! Zealand. Mc \ seen with >ir Imin War.l. 1 the Premier of N.-w Zealand. " The cor-j respondent who semis it to -VivU" re-| marks that "a picture of Mr. .loeepli j Ma--cy taken at the same time was evi-l I dently not considered >Ht for publication." ■SlKill"is fame! Step* should bo taken lit! once to keep England better informed of Sew Zealand event-. j Wompn in London iire takinj in miioUinrj pipes. They may in time iearn to] appreciate <aiveile\\ "Ode to Tobacco."i Thnu whn. when fp.irs nttnrk. ! HUlsi i hem aVjiiint. :in.l Ma- :. i':ire ill I he horseluitliN t.nck i Sweet, when The ni.im Is'crey : Swivel, when they've cleared awny J.lMli-h. fllKl lit close of day : Possibly sweetest. j What would be the efTeet of a spread of i pipe smoking among women? Pipes are.] or used to he. common amonf; women in j Ireland and Scotland: did not Oaxlyle'el mother smoke by her fireside? I sup- | gest that it would tend to soften domes- ; tie relations. There would be less scorn and contempt for the man in his devotion to his pipe. The man. on the other' hand, would be insured against that dreadful tragedy, being out of tobacco with the rJhops -hi»t or the nearest supply miles away. To be able to say, "Hive mc a fill, my dear." would be very pleasant. INo more Sundays ma-dc intolerable! through want of tobacco. Then think of] the widened range of birthday and I Christmas presents? Often it is bard to '■ | know what to give your wife, but the acceptability of a pipe, a tobacco-pouch.| or a silver match-box would remove the difficulty. T.he newspaper world is moving with the times. A member of the stalT of the "Grey River Argue," the O.reymoiith paper recently taken over by Mr. Holland and his friends, recently left to join the 'New Zealand Tablet." The "Argus" reports in quite the orthodox manner (says its local rival, the "Star") that a farewell and presentation took place in the editorial room, until it provide.-? (his distinctive touch at the end: "The proceedings were brought, to a close by the sinking of the 'Red Flag."" Considering some of the recent sentiments of the '"Tablet," the gentleman from the "Argus" should feel quite at home in its anti-I?ritish atmosphere. Let us hope be ihas learnt to sing the Sinn Fein Hymn of Hate. 1..{. J-MHr-t+M-There is an American joke by the last mail (1 daresay it is decades old) that hits Auckland right in the solar plexus this week:—The attorney for the gas company orated at length concerning tho virtues of his corporation client. "I say, as the poet said," he stormed in closing, 'Honour tihe light Brigade."'' And out of the courtroom crowd came a voice: "Oh, what a charge they made!" •I~H-*+-M"M-+ What a difference a comma sometimes makes. "The bride was dressed, and looked most becoming in a putty shaded gabardine costume . ..." So says a southern paper. At first it looked as if the reporter wished to emphasise that the bride was not like the woman who, in either England or America the other day, was turned away from the altar and told to clothe herself properly. But the omission of the comma is not the only fault in the paragraph. Why not say simply that "the bride looked most becoming in etc."' But if it comes to i that why say even this? All brides are j "becoming," or "charming," or "sweet," I just as all . weddings are '"pretty." j Earlier in the same paragraph the bride . is described as being "united in bonds of matrimony" to the bridegroom. Why i not simply "married"? Quite apart from I the inferior English of the phrase, surely i if "obey" in the marriage service U out of date, talk of "bonds" ought also to be barred. I In an article on totalisator permits, the Christchurch "Sun" says <?iTew Zealand racing programmes are too long. "Six opportunities for speculation per diem ought to satisfy anybody who is | not a professional gambler." What about the enjoyment of the racing? An outspoken clergyman was taking farewell of bis flock in a dairying dis- j trict. "Ye have been generous to mc in : your hospitality."' he said, "and 1 thank ye for it. Ye" liae .suppor-rted hand- ' somely all the kirk funds, and L thank ye for that, too. lint ye seem to think ; ye must be very wicked to get to hell. ! Ye're wrong. It is gey and easy to get to hell. Ye will no leave your business to come to the kirk and worship. I tell ye it is as easy to get to hell through the milkin'-yar-'rd as through the publichoose, and if ye get there through t'nc ' public-hoose ye have a lot more fun on ■ the way." Of course, this didn't happen ■ in New' Zealand. Here the dairy farmer! is' as liberal in his support of the, church as iie is regular in church-going. I It is in order to go to church regularly! that he buys a motor car. But in these butter days there is a slight flavour of topicality about the story. ■