RANDOM SHOTS

Auckland Star, Volume L, Issue 254, 25 October 1919, Page 18

RANDOM SHOTS

BY ZAMIEL

Some write a neighbour's name to lasb. Some write—vain thought—for needful rail Soma write to please the country clam And raise a dlv: for mc, au aim I never fash. / write for fun.

Do be careful, Mr. Massey. Don't rush things with your improvements to 'the Kaipara line services. You know how dangerous it is to break good news Suddenly to people with weak hearts. •_"-"-"i"_"_"_"i"i"fr * I wonder if people in Russia, on reading about the "revolution" in Port Darwin, have the same idea of Australia as Australians have of Russia? ****•_.**•_.•_.•_. The Irish problem must be near solution at last. Lord Birkenhead, better known as Sir F. E. Smith, Who, in his unregencrate days was "galloper" to Sir Kdward Careon when the latter was organising the Ulster Volunteers, has gone to Dublin to prepare the way. The old proverb about catching a thief, 1, I suppose. There has been some startling evidence J at an inquiry held in Australia into the I conditions on board a transport from England. "Cigarette butts and tea leaves were found in the soup, and fish- j bones in the porridge." 1 have never j been so unlucky us to strike anything like this, but 1 once found the butt of a cigar in a packet of tea. No, I will not divulge the brand. I didn't enjoy that cup of tea. Uke the gentleman in •'Huckleberry Finn," who ran away before breakfast, to escape tarring and feathering, 1 wasn't hungry. But there is a bright side to the discovery. It shows what good wages New Zealand tea-packers get when -they can afford to smoke cigars. •M"l--l"J"M"i"l"i-

This week I have been again struck by the advantage women have over men in making their own clothes. Sitting watching three visitors for the evening sewing while they talked, I reflected again what opportunities we men lose. We idle away evening over gossip, or a book, or we spend afternoons watching games, with never a thing in our hands but a -walking-stick or a pipe. Then, ■when we have to buy a shirt, or a handkerchief, or a tie, or socks, we grumble about prices and write to the papers about profiteering. Why can't we sew, or knit, or embroider in our spare time? Think how pleasant it would be if when Brown went to spend the evening with Jones, and talked for three hours about the concentrated malignity of 6lugs, the total depravity of small birds, the shortcomings of his servant, and the utter worthlessnces of the Government—how pleasant and profitable it would be if he brought his knitting. And how much more agreeable, as well as profitable, it would be if tram-travellers made tics or pockethandkerchiefs on their journeys. lam sure it would soften tram manners. And a pretty sight a football stand would be on a Saturday afternoon with everybody working at sock, tie, shirt, ot muffler. Women are always saying that they can do everything that a man , can do. Why not retort by showing them that the converse is true? _"3"-"I--|"I"-"i - -i"iWanted, a specimen of the genus domestic servant who answers the description of Mr. P. J. Ncrheny that she slaves for nineteen hours a day for a paltry fifteen shillings a week. If anyone does so. she does it quite willingly. But perhaps Mr. Nerheny meant nine hours. •fr***--"--**** I can see interesting possibilities in Mr. Hanan's proposal that the evils of child-labour on farms should be prevented by legislation. For instance, on a cold winter's morning, Brown, dairy farmer, gets up in the dark to milk, and finds a cow bogged. He goes in and shakes his boy up.

"What's the matter, dad? You know you mustn't get mc out before six to milk."

"Oh, stow that, my lad, and get up and help mc. Here's Betsy bogged, and it we don't get her out quick she'll die."

"That's all very well, dad, but you know what the law is. I must stand on my rights. ifou wouldn't have mc help you to break the law, would you? Why, that's just what our book on civics tells us we mustn't do. But I tell you what I'll do. If you can get a provisional permit by telephone from the local Inspector of Child Labour, I'll chance it. Go and ring him up now."

"But he won't be up."

"Can't help that; it's your only chance, dad," and the boy snuggles up in the bed clothes.

Brown succeeds in getting the inspector at six o'clock. The cow dies at half past. -l-I-l-_--_-!-J--l-_--1-The country is subsidising the millers to get cheap bread and the buttermakers to get cheap*butter, and it looks as if we are going to have to pay more taxation so that a number of people can have cheap houses. It is up to some Parliamentary candidate to propose that the whole cost of governmnnt be reduced by, say, five millions, and that the sum be made good out of the Consolidated Fund. There ought to be votes in a suggestion like that. • For years and years New Zealanders have been amused and annoyed by the reluctance of English people to eat ! frozen meat. I mean reluctance to eat •it knowingly, for, of course, immense 'quantities arc eaten at Home, and the consumers include many people who ■would rather walk in Hyde Park in overalls than give frozen meat to their guests. There are several stories pf English people serving such meat at dinner, getting the company, high opinion ol it, and then breaking it gently to them what they have been eating. In one case that I know of for a fact, the lady of the jhouse, after dining with perfect satisfaction on the first joint of frozen meat brought home by her husband, when told the truth left "the room at once and made the only reparation to local industry that was in her power. I wonder if such a complete reaction would be possible in New Zealand. The point 1 set out to draw attention to was that (while New Zealanders have been sniffing all these year.--, at the English prejudice, it turns out that they themselves won't eat it. Even when fresh meat is so dear they are slow to use the stuff made available from store. It is a bad advertise- j ment for an industry that helps so greatly to keep the wolf from the New Zealand door. i