ANDOM SHOTS

Auckland Star, Volume XLIX, Issue 244, 12 October 1918, Page 14

ANDOM SHOTS

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It 'wanted only a win by Desert Gold to make this quite a cheerful week. The Prime Minister and Sir Joseph Ward are to have a characteristic wel- i come home. The Newmarket Borough Council has decided to appoint a deputa-, tion to wait on these gentlemen "ontheir next visit to Auckland" (note the; clever way in which their present whereabouts is covered up) to urge upon them that Newmarket should be a stoppingplace for the inward-bound Main Trunk express. It would not do, apparently, to ' interview one of these Ministers. This ie a Coalition Ministry, and it would be ! discourteous to approach one of them and not, the other on such an important subject. I can imagine Mr. Maesoy and j Sir Joseph, jaded with the rush of Im-1 perial business, falling into the old routine, as represented by thin deputation, (with a sigh of relief; it will be like getting into nn old coat and an old armchair after two or three hours in a dress-suit. But people will not realise the inconvenience of the non-stop at Newmarket—especially on a Sunday morning—until they have been victims of it. If, living in Keraucra, Epsom, or Newmarket, you are unlucky enough to arrive by the express on a Sunday morning, you will wish that the Minister for Railway's were in your place and eircumetances. Should ho be on the train he has only to g<o to a hotel in town, but you have to fmd your way several miles out from the station, with no trams running, and motor cars beyond the capacity of your purse. 1 siave more than once. had to walk out to my destination on a hot Sunday morning, after passing close by it in the train. It reminded mc of the Chinaman's description of toboganning: "Whiz-z-z-z-z-z-z-— walk back two miles!" In the early days of railways it used to be said that the best way to prevent, accMente was to make a director travel on the engine. The bout way to convince a Minister of the inconvenience of the present urrangement would be to get him to go through the same experieace ac the hunrble traveller. ********** Earlier in the war it was aeked of the unwieldy British Cabinet whether it drilled by platoons or companies. A nimilar inquiry is now being made about the Order of the British Empire, only it ie a question whether the mom bora of that august body take the field by divisions or army corps. There are many thousands of members, and some one hats unkindly said that the Iron Cross has at last a rival. It may ' c some consolation to people who have not got the decoration and think they ought to have it, or to' the friende of such aggrieved war-workers, to know that the lavish distribution of the Order at Home has called forth a good deal of satirical comment. Many a journalist must have recalled Mark Twain's famous remark about the Legion of Honour— that few escape that distinction. in In mi 11x11XxxTX A weakness of the constitution of the Order —perhaps unavoidable—is it* division into classes. Some of the old Orders, such as the Bath, and the Kt. Michael and St. George, were divided into grades, but they were not called classes. You might feel slighted when yon got the C.M.G. instead of the K.C.M.G., but you did not appear in print as belonging to the third or fourth or fifth daes, while somebody else appeared in a class above you. I must say I would shrink appalled from the task of making such nice distinctions between war workem. A classic instance of the danger of having classes in an honour is the story of the Western lady—the wife, I think, of a diplomat— who received the Order of Chaetity from the Sultan of Turkey. She returned it when she found that it waa the second class. One of the jokes of the week was the resolution carried at the annual conference of the New South Wales He.ilth Inspectors' Society to suppress "the dangeroue, BiUy and oimeceseary cuetom of kifHing , ." Some inspectore think that a "bill embodying the resolution should ibo introduced dnto Parliament. Hand mc down "Cyrano de Bergerac," and open it at the wonderful balcony scene: A kiss, -when all is said—what Is It? Ail oath tnafs ratified—a sealed promise, A heart's avowal claiming confirmation— A rose-dot on the "1" of adoration— A secret that to month, not ear, is whispered— Brush of a bee's wing that makes time eternal — Communion perfumed like file springs wild flowers — The heart's relieving in the heart's outbreathing, When to the lips the soul's flood rises, t iri fjjn.il n g. Alas for romance! The hawk-eyed scientist, Who leaves bis sentiment (and his sense of humour) in his laboratory, regarde the kiss merely as a contact between two infected areas. Of course, they are often infected, and there are many people who shouldn't kiss anybody; !but to think of making a law about it! Truly knowledge comes, but wisdom lingers. ********** An American Senator expressed hhnself freely recently over a reported German victory. "They make mc tired," he exclaimed. "If we drive them back they I tatk about the wonderful elasticity of ' their dines. They brag of sinking , ships J that we sunk ourselvee to blockade ! their porta. They are a lot like the 1 caliph who wae sipping his sherbet and j smoking Ms narghile, when tie grand vizier rushed in and cried: ' Your majesty, the enemy has broken through our lines and cut our army in two.' 'Ah!' cried the caliph, 'send out a bulletin that we have two armies instead of one,' and he turned back to watch the dancing girls." Well, the Turk didn't quite equal this in his communiques aibout the recent debacle in Palestine, but he managed to conceal the truth pretty well. So did his ally the German, for a German communique this week mentiono that the German unite there, in conjunction with "the trusty Turk," had retired before superior forces to beyond Damascus. You would never guess by reading this that three armies ■had been destroyed. "The trusty Turk;" well, we shall ccc. Perhaps by the time this reaches you the "t" will have dropped from -the "trusty."