RANDOM SHOTS

Auckland Star, Volume XLIX, Issue 208, 31 August 1918, Page 14

RANDOM SHOTS

BY ZAMIEL"

It is reported that in view of the marked contrast between the performances of Ilindenburg and Ludendorff at the March-June and July-August meetings, the (icrman Jockey Club has referred the matter to the stewards for inquiry.

There are, of course, differences of opinion as to what constitutes eeditious language, but what I consider a dangerous and disloyal utterance ie the following:—"Britain ie dying. Half her blood is bled away. Her sword is blunted. Her shield ie eraskcd. Her helmet is upon the ground." An extract from the speech., of some excited ticrman, the reader at once supposes. No; it is from a book published i:i Australia, intended as a stirring call to arms, and it shows how even a fervid patriot may err in his choice of language. Even if it were true that Britain is in the dire straits depicted, it -would bo most injudicious to state the fact. But it is not true. Britain "dying," indeed! Let the cable uowe of the past few weeks give the lie to the libeller. It may be necessary to make euch a;>pcn!e to stimulate the Australian "Billjim" to enlist, but 1 take leave to doubt it.

The traveller's complaint about the " express" from the north of Auckland reaching Auckland just in time to sec the Main Trunk train leave, redirects attention to the sliced of trains on thin line. This train leaves Ranganui at 1.30 p.m., and is due in Auckland at 7.3 p.m., Sβ miles in five and a-half hours. Dut this is fast for the north lins. The morning train from Ranganui leaves there at 8 a.m., and reaches Auckland at 3.28 p.m.—B6 miles in ~\ hours. The train that leaves Auckland at 7.20 a.m. manages to get to Hclenevillc (38 miles) at 10.7 a.m., but the 10.. r >o a.m. train doesn't get there till 1.50 p.m. The Main Trunk train covers 80 miles in the time the Helensville. " express " takes to cover 38. One is tempted to think that the Kaipara line was the birthplace of the old joke about the cow climbing on the train and attacking the passengers.

We must br gTatcful to the Germans for the occasional gleam of humour they provide amid the murk and tragedy of war. A German officer complained the other day that the use of tanks by the British was •'ungentlemiuily." There is. I understand, no word in German expressing the idea in "gentleman." so I suiip..'i this particular gentleman spoke in Fnglif.li. The idea of a soldier belonging to nn army with the atrocity record of the (.'erman army complaining ol his adversaries' ungentlemanly conduct is. of course, obviously funny. But there may be something else in the complaint. Soldiers have always been conservative, and prone to think (hat what is new is vulgar. Centuries ago the soldier accustomed to lighting with s'vord and lance, was disgusted at the introduction of gunpowder. It was, he considered, distinctly imgcntlemanly to fight with this unknightly and snicllful weapon. In the days of Nelson naval officers expressed themselves strongly against new methods, and I daresay that when the torpedo came in there was much shaking of heads in wardrooms and talk of the service becoming unfit tor a gentleman.

********** The "'burning question" at Devonporl. during the cold winter now happily over lia.s been that of the supply of domestic fuel. Coal and coke have been botli scarce, and dear, and in consequence, 1 am informed, half (he population has been driven to derive its supplies of fuel from the various beaches within the bounds of the marine suburb. On days when the harvest of the eca was favourable, crowds of collectors might be seen—children and grandfathers, maide and matrons—all bent on securing some of the precious driftwood. In this connection a good story is told, which j will bear repeating. An enterprising! citizen, observing that the Borough Council was providing bathing sheds, I conceived the idea of erecting a struc-1 ture on one of the beaches, from which lie hoped to derive some revenue from bathers, After a lot of negotiation, he contrived to pet the Council's permit to go ahead with his scheme. So off he went to Auckland one day to get the timber he required: he knew of a secondhand lot that would salt, and being of a frugal mind he resolved to save carriage by towing it over vi a rowing Behold him, then, arrived at Devonport with his precious load, after hours of strenuous exertion. Being late in the afternoon, ho contented himself with hauling the timber up high and dry. and wont off to tea. Returning an hour I later, to make lii? timber -secure, he was dumbfounded to (md that it had gone and "like the baseless fabric of a vision left not. a wrack behind." He rushed to the police station, and with the help of a constable traced the timber to the back yard of a neighbour. This neighbour had spied the stack of timber on the bench, had rushed to the conclusion that it was driftwood, and had carted it off. Before it was traced, most of it had been sawn up for fuel. I don't know how the affair was settled, but I believe that Devonport bathers during the coming season will not enjoy the delights of the patent "contraption" that waa planned for their benefit.

If my readers are not tired of the I'oniroverßy about the Generalissimo's name, here is the latest communique on the subject, taken from the Sydney "Daily telegraph":—"The Fok-ites. Foites. and Fosh-itea will have to look to their laurels, for the Fush-ites. who had their first champion in Father John L. Forster. rector of St. AToysius' College have beren strengthened by the arrival of Uie new French Consul-General. Monsieur C R. Campana. The interviewer had no. idea what'pronouncing sect' Monsieur Campana supported until he asked if he had met General 'Fok.' 'No; I have not met General Fush.' " ' I find the argument most interesting for the light it throws on the general difficulty of getting at the trnth. If it is so difficult to ascertain the proper pronunciation of a word, how much more difficult will it be to get at the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, about one of this wars battles or campaigns? Military critics are still arguing about Waterloo and naval critics about Trafalgar. This is not surprising when contemporaries of a great general cannot agree about the pronunciation of his name.