RANDOM SHOTS.

Auckland Star, Volume XLIX, Issue 11, 12 January 1918, Page 14

RANDOM SHOTS.

78 2a4Mi8?

faff Sf J! 4 h^iirlba ir'fi haine to lift . g* ISill|a «.tHßubl.t-ttr needful cash. H l writfe tb please the eouiitr* iilafcn ■ Arid raise.a din; for jJigj hh aim 1 never fash; I write for fiiii.

Witii conscription and the lengthening of the War the why-aren't-ybu-iii-khalti nuisance has greatly abated; but that it still operates is indicated by a recent joke ih "Punch " Says a 'very plain woman ih a railway carriage to galiaht V.0., invalided out: "Why aren't you l« khaki?" , Says the V.rj.:""For the game" reason that you are. not in the Beauty Chorus—physically unfit." ********** One 6f the British Government's pefislßtfent critics ih the House of Commons <fot a doaetved snub the other day. He ' had asked about the promotion of tliat dashing light cruiser commander; .Commodore Tyrwhitt, who has distinguished himself several times in cornI mand of a flotilla. Commodore Tyrwhitt | wrote.- "Dear Commander Bellairs, —I I shall be grateful if in future you will i refrain from taking a personal' interest in my professional career. (Loud laughter.) 1 am perfectly content to leave my advancement, etc.. to my superior officers, who have ri9en by i merit to their positions at the Admiralty." Commander Bellairs had the fairness to read this letter to the House. .The Navy neither advertises nor has anvjthihe tb do Wltll polities, and it must be galling to officers on active service to jSee their haiiies in Parliamentary qiiesjtions. I ********** Talking of the Navy, "whereon, under the good providence of Cod. the wealth, Siifety. and strength of the kingdom .chiefly depend," Sir John Jellicoe may lie comforted on his retirement by ' the , thought that many times iii British hls|tory successful naval commanders have jbeen unjustly criticised. The more I think about the war. the more I want ! to see history taught, and here is a case in point. How many, people who have !read criticisius of Sir John Jellicoe's .tactjes at Jutland artrt of his rtnti-stib-jmarine campaign know that similar things were said of Hawke, and Howe, and Rodney, and Nelson? Admiral Sir Cyprian Hiidge recently made some very jtelling remarks on the subject: "Every j victorious fleet-action gained by the British Navy has, by irresponsible critics, ■ after it -was over, and when a quiet timeIliad come and the wiadom which we all l have after the event has accumulated, jbeen declared to have been less decisive (than it ought to have been and would jhave been, if only the critics' armchair plan had been followed." He recalls that | Hawke, about the time he was gaining (one of the most splendid victories in hisjtory, in a storm and amid the rocks and ; shoals of the enemy's coast, was burnt in effigy by an English mob;' that critics jhad so turned feeling against Rodney, | because his victory should have been j"more decisive," that his reception in .England was "chilling almost to the .point of insult": that the same thing was said about Lord Howe after "The Glorious First of June": that all Nelson's .victories, including Trafalgar, were subjected to similar criticism. This sort of j-thing is not confined to the British. In the Russo-Japanese war the Japanese ima.ie a demonstration against an admiral 'just about the time he was smashing ithe enemy. No doubt Sir John Jellicoe has reflected that a hundred years hence jeritie* will be arguing about the battle of Jutland, just as they are still arguing about Trafalgar.

********** During the week 1 have found relief from the war news and the weather in a volume of E. V. Lucas, " The Vermillion Box." It is trii e this very pleasant book is about the war, but there is so much comedy in it that it provides relief in these critical days. There is a delightful pessimist in it. He is apparently a frequenter of London clubs, where the streams of rumour and ])cssimism seem to unite, and he is always afraid that the country is being betrayed by incompetents or traitors in high places. "1 cannot tell you how disgusting it is to hear these things." he writes to a friend on the staff in France. "You will understand, then, how much I should value anything that you can tell mc touching on the efficiency and esprit de corps, if they exkt, of our army in France. Here one hears sad stories about it." 1 think "if they exist" is delicious. Then there is the man with a story of a mine discovered juat in time under the Wnr Office. Tt seems that Lord Haldane dug it in his spare time when he was War Minister! These things make you smile, but the counterparts of these characters can be found in real life, and they have near relatives in this part of the world. When the third nnd fourth generation from now disinters old war-time letters in old desks and boxes, it will be entertained.

********** The old and baffling problem of the gap between the price to the producer and the cost to the consumer is raised again by an irate market gardener near Christchurch. He 'sold through an auctioneer in the city seven dozen cabbages for four shillings, and three dozen cauliflowers for one and six, in each case loss commission. "Truly a noble remuneration for all the toil, anxiety as to weather, and horse feed, etc., I have been put to. hi addition to that I have to drive six miles before eight o'clock to deliver the above goods to the market. The same day that 1 sold the above good.; cabbages were selling in the shops for Id. 3d, and 6d. so you see the profit the shopkeepers are making. But the shopkeeper denies making any profit. He says, 'I buy a dozen cabbages and I only sell three of them; the rest are thrown out, so I have to pay for the dozen by selling three at a big price.'" The market gardener blames "the great, big, fatheaded public, who want something cheap, but have not the energy nor the saving capacity to buy in the open market." Disgusted with the prices he was getting at the sale rooms, this gardener loaded up his cart one morning with big, fresh cabbages and cauliflowers, and started out to hawk them. After tramping miles he had sold a dozen cabbages at a penny each; that same morning cabbages were sixpence in the shop. In the end he backed his cart into the Avon, and hurled the vegetables out. Probably the black and white swans that decorate the pretty river benefited by this tine supply of green food. Some day perhaps this man will give up gardening and get a job in town, and the labour unions will go on passing resolutions about the increased cost of living.