RANDOM SHOTS.

Auckland Star, Volume XXI, Issue 276, 22 November 1890, Page 2 (Supplement)

RANDOM SHOTS.

Some writs, a neighbours name to lash, Some write—vain thought! for needful cash. Some write to please the country clash. And. raise a din. For me, an aim I never fash — I writo for fun.

There seems to be a lull in the Stanley storm. Ha\!t) the combatants each done their worst, or are they merely resting before another spring ? Sincerely, it ia to be hoped that the former is tho case. There are surely no further revalationsandaccusations. Whichever side is righb, the dis" grace of the squabble remains black and indelible. Verily we have a right to be proud of these our noble countrymen. If Stanley's allegations are true, must we not puff' ourselves higher than ever, as the mosb virtuous and brave nation under the sun—we, whose countrymen debauched native women and bought a young girl to see her butchered in front of their eyes that sketches of the execution, the carving, and the scramble for food might be brought home, for—what, I wonder ? Exhibiiton in the VVesb End drawing-rooms ? Scarcely as bad as thab, I hope. Butifitis nob brue, if all bhose sbories are lies and exaggerations, even then the honours depart nob from us. What shall be said—if these stories be false —of the men who, to gratify some unknown feeling, would so grievously besmirch the dead who cannot defend bhamsolves 1 I know not which is the greater disgrace if the sbories be true or false, bub when bravery and. honour crop up in conversation we shall have to take a back scab and blush for some time to come. * * * * » * « * * I am glad to learn that the Mayor has sent a cordial invitation to the Admiral and officers of tho German squadron to visit tho porb of Auckland beforo leaving New Zealand waters. The Wellington people are making things vory pleasant for them just now with tho view, it is whispered, of occupying bo much of their time thab the Germans will eventually arrive at the conclusion thab they havo no timo to visit Auckland. Of course, I cannob believe so much selfishness holds sway wibh our Southern friends. They don't often get a man-o'-war at Wellington, you know, and now when, by a little manoeuvring, thoy have succeeded in coaxing into Port Nicholson a whole German squadron, one can easily understand that they should, oub of tho abundance of their joyfulness, have engendered a wish to keep the Gormana there for good. Warships and admirals and officers of mon-of-war aro much naoro common ab this port; ; indeqd, the Auckiandera have become so accustomed to having one or more of theso stately craft on the expansive waters of the Waitcmata, that the laab German man-o'-war which visited us, camo and stayed, and took her doparture so quietly thab very few people ever took more than the most casual notice of the event. * * * Thia is whore we have blundered, and where our Wellington frionds Imvo stepped in to fill the social breach. Admirals and officers of our great naviea expect to be ontertained when they visit these colonies, and it is our duty to entertain them, not to allow them to go away mosb probably commenting upon the unsociable aspect of their visit to this porb. Tho German squadron will probftbly bo here vory soon, notwithstanding tke blandishments of our Wellington friends, and tho English squadron will follow on a visit to this porb early next year, and it is about time that our " loading citizens " were bestirring themselves, more especially as the Admiral will most likely be the guesb of JEiis Excellency the Governor. Leb ua awake ! Her Host Gracious Majesty Queen Vie" toria is the constant recipient of a good many valuable "perquisites" in the way of presents, and many a more deeerving " critter " would be glad of the chance to acquire the costly gifts showered on the lloyal homo ab Windsor from all quarters of the" globe. Bub some of the little donations would be a trifle inconvenient to persons of lesser rank. Take, for instance, a "valuable and unique article," as the auctioneers would pub it, lately received by her Majesty as a present from China. It is nothing more nor less than an alligator, a mosb unchristian, barbarous eorb of creature, hardly suited for a wedding or any other present. Tho Chinese alligator can now be seen ab tho London Zoological Gardens. The Chinese seem to havean original wayofkillingthese creatures. One writer gives the following as the correcb method of despatching it:—" Pour boiling water down its throat ; afber a certain time it will die. Then you can peel off the skin." Ib is not explained how you geb your alligator into position for pouring the water down its throat, or how you induce ib to open its tiny mouth with safety bo bbc operator ; bub, any way, there is no adequabe reason bo doubb the efficacy of the recipe. # ■ *** *** •* Here is anobher charming present with which the dusky barbarians of eeek to propitiate the lady who "bosses" our national show. A London society paper observes:—" The lion cub sent by the Sultan of Sokoto as a present] to the Queen was on Tuesday landed from the African mail steamer Mandingo at Liverpool. Mr Bartlett, of London, wont down specially to receive the gift, which came through the Royal Niger Company, between whom and the Sultan a very friendly feeling exists. The lion cub is very tame, and during the voyage was allowed considerable liberty, and was a great pet of the passengexs and crew." I can quite picture the gentle beasb enjoying "considerable liberty" on the voyage, digesting a couple of bame stokers each morning. No doubb before this bime there has bsen roast lion cub on the Royal table ab Windsor. *. « * * * * * * * "Well, Charley, old boy, we did our best to geb you oil." Such were the words addressed by a witness for the prosecution one day recently to a man who had just been freed from a trivial charge. This is just the kind of thing thab raises the bile of the ordinary member of the force. Nothing can be more disgusting to a constable than to find his own witness give the case away in Courb. Not people hear a witness say in the box thab the statement previously given to the constable was not on oath. Ib will be seen, from this that bhe man in blue has a deal of troubles to disturb the peacefulness of his existence. At times the constable has to faco the witness who is against the force on principle This individual generally slips in a few insinuations thab the prisoner had been treated with unnecessary violence. Another troublesome witness is the one who, not being possessed of much character, will uersisb In asking tbab one or two respectable mSfir!?of tho force should be *enb for to

testify in her behalf. The unfortunate men have to stand a lot of chaff afterwards, frequently asked when hub they called to see their friends. By tbe way,-a legal light in Auc'.:lan, hail a narrow escape of being extinguish© by too Bible recently. A larceuy case wa s beinjr heard at tlio Police Courb, and im energetic femalo entered tho witness box. She kissed fche sacred volume with a loud siaaek, and repeated reverently, " So help me God." In cross examination i ha solicitor for the defence became eomewhn!)personal in his inquiries, when suddenly his olocjuonco was checked as ho jumped quickly aside whilst the watchful Mac snatched the Bible from tho hand of the witness. Tho lawyer then drew the attention of the Bench to the fact that the witness had just raised fcho Bible in readiness to brain him. " Zamiol" considers that if tho book had been thrown tho lawyer would have known more about the weight of truth than ho did previously. Our present set of City Fathers have some queer ideas of municipal management. In Eomo things they are the biggosi) bunglers imaginable. I don't wish to hurt their tender feelings—though to speak of a City Councillor's foolings as " tender" is perhaps quita too ironical —bub still I want to point out to them that in many respects they mean woll bub they don'b know. Take, for instance, tho Ifreo Library mismanagement. We Lave really a splendid Public Library, thanks to private munificence, and a fine building to house it ; but, as far as the regulation and management of tho institution is concerned, tho grave and reverend seigniors of tho City Gounoil are a bit " at sea." To toll tho truth, litorary and bibliographic matters in general are a bit beyond the spheres of many of the grave and reverend seigniors of the City Council. They may be au fait at building coaches or driving 'buses, or casting up accounts or retailing groceries, but when it comos to tho details of management of a largo modern and classical library they cannot he OJcpOCted to bo quite up to tho mark. For one thing, why have they not common aonso enough to alter tho existing rules ro garding tho hours observed at the Froo Library ? At five every evening all readers aro turned out of tho building, and the place is shut up until coven ; and all on the ridiculous excuse of economising gae, though it is not dark until aftor seven. Even though it were dark ab four o'clock in tho afternoon, why should tho trifling expense of two hours' extra gas have weight against tho benefit and convenience of tho people ? Quite a host of readers, students and nonstudents.are turned out of the Library every evoning ab live, and quite as many may bo seen waiting patiently at the doors for the eovon o'clock opening. The present arrangement is a aonsoloss one. For another thing, what idea hnvo the City Council of financial management in Library matters? Thoy retrench and cut down Where the items can scarcely bo cut any lower, and gross eases of excessive expenditure they pass calmly by. How can they expect a pontlcman to undertake solo care of the oxisting valuable Library, with thousands and thousands of pounds, for a paltry hundred pound* a year? Tho Council messenger actually receives a higher salary than the chief librarian. The Council deserve to lose property through their one-aided financial " retrenchment." If there is ono thing abovo another that is calculator! to mnkc a man bavago and to dry up tho wellsprings of charity, it is to givo n deconb contribution to some c;>.so of " diro necessity," and then find that ho has been fooled. In spite of tho existence of people who will impose upon the kind-hearted in the most barefaced manner, there are many persons in our community who will nob refuse to help in capes of apparent nood. Tho following instance of misguided charity can hardly be* beaten. lb was related to mo upon very good authority : — A certain Auckland pastor who is known to possess a liberal heart waa called to visit a sick man. He did so v and then did not visit again for two days. This time ho was met at tho door by the wife, who said her husband was dead. The pastor then went into the houso and endoavoured to console tho wife by conversation and prayer. Before leaving he took three pounds from his pocket and gavo them to the woman for her husband's burial. He then left, forgetting his umbrella. Some time after he returned for the umbrella, audio! the man was sitting up smoking! What followed I did not think to ask, but had the victim been an ordinary mortal instead of a minister of the Gospel, tho language employed would doubtless have been more forcible than polite. Howover, politeness in such a villanous piece of imposition could hardly be expected. The public would be benefited if such conscienceless people were made to sufier the utmost penalties of tbe law. But it is nob always easy to sheet the chargo home in these cases, owing to the absence of witnesses. Moral: Make sure of the charactor of people who seok your assistance. V At times wo in Auckland have -heard something about the supposed difficulty of obtaining good domestic servants; but unless some wag has been "having" a Canadian contemporary, the servant difficulty in Canada is becoming alarmingly serious. The following letter, which must certainly be taken cum grano, purports to be an answer sent by some ono in Montreal on the lookout for a situation, to an English lady who had advertised for a nurse :— "Dear Madam,—l think your place will suit mo very well, aa I know the advantages of travelling in widening tho mind and strengthening the character generally. If I enme to you I should require the use of the piano three evenings a week to keep up my music, and on the other three evenings I should wish to go oub with a gentleman friend. On Sunday afternoon and evening, when my friends usually come to see me," I should want the use of tho dining-room to receive them in. I should not mind taking the children oub sometimes when you are especially busy, as i liko to oblige, but I could nob undertake it regular. Hoping to hear from you, a? I am sure we shall snib each other, if the wages are good, I remain, etc." There is nothing like being frank and stating all one's requirements ab the_outset, as it prevents misunderstanding arising in the future. It's nico also to have servants who " like td oblige," and who are anxious to widen their minds and strengthen their characters. The fair creature who is said to have penned the above obliging answer must have travelled a good deal in her time, especially in America. Her mind ia evidently very wide ; and as for strength of character, there can be no question as to its possession in very unusual degree by any servant who would pen such a letter as the one abovo. In fact, we might say without exaggeration that in this case it amounts to positive "cheek." * * * * * * Wo go from home to hear the neve* Under the heading of " Scientific Silliness,' the "Pail Mall Gazette" of September 11th has the following information :—" Ab the meeting of the Anthropological section of the British Association on Monday, aome thooretically.-learned gentleman spoke of the natives of New Zealand as having retrograded because they had refuted to wear European clothes. If the statement about the Maoris is correct {nothing aboub it has come through the ordinary news channels),

it will bo hailed with satisfaction by all who aro practically acquainted with New Zealand life ; for, unfortunately, with the wearing of European clothes laany Maoris simultaneously acquire European vices, become parasites of public-houses, and sui'br both mental and physical deterioration. Finn specimens of the Maori arc still extant, bub they aro only to bn met with in tho romofco districts oE the King Country, *.vh.ere tho ancient usages, laws, manners, customs and costumes etill largely prevail, Kewi, the solo survivor of the grenti lighting Maori chiefs, recently attired himself in tho dross snib of civilisation in oidor to be introduced to Lord Onslovv, but the effect was incongruous and disenchanting in tho extreme." Evidently the colony of New Zealand is nob yet too well advertised ab Homo.

A good us have at one time or anobher been dunned for money by a pressing creditor. Tho sensation is nob a pleasant ona. Excuses are very often hard to find, and when found aro not always satisfactory. It is not everyone wlio has tho cool assurance to answer to a. query as to when ho intended to pay that five pounds, " Good pracious, man, do you think I'm a prophot ?" All sorts of stories aro told of bho pleas put forward by dilatory debtors. A local merchant tolls one which is a bit original. Ho had a debtor up country. Tho debtor wap a North of Ireland man. Ho was dunned and dunned by the Auckland merchant, and every now and thon would pay a few shillings of tho debt. The merchant wan not satisfied with such " driba and drabs," and wrote an appealing lottor to know, " When, oh, when, will you pay mo that account '!' The roply came by roburn of post, " I will pay when Ireland is quieter." That merchant now watches tho Irish question with inbonso interest. Ho has become an ardonb Home Ruler, and his Irish friends aro postered by questions as to whofcher or no they think Ireland will soon be quieter. Ho feara, however, that tho debt is atill a long way oil payment.

Which reminds me of a story told by a local Bonifaco. A seedy-lookingSindividual wifeh no heels to his boots, a shining black coat, an eyeglass, and an I've-eeen-befcter-days—don'b-cher-know—look about his person, camo into tho hotel and askod to bo served with a drink. Bonifaco looked hard at him for a second or so, and then said : " Have you gob tho monoy ?" No, ho had no money, bub if he wore trusted for a few days his remittance would be in and he wou'd thon pay like a man. : 'Oh, thab won't do here ; I've heard that story beforo." A pathetic look camo into the soGcly ono'a oyos —he gazed on tho whisky bobble and ho gazed ao tlia floor. Then his eyo souchb bho landlord's, and ho faltorintrly aaid, " I'll let you havo my eyeglass." Lie got tho drink and kept the oyeglass.

Lawn f-;;r;nis ia, I hear, on the wane al) Homo. They aro usually a few years ahead ot us in tho old country bo far as fashion, manners and customs go, and 1 his is no exception to tho general rule. Tonnis here is still on tho boon:, and has not touched ita nij/hesfc by a very long -.vay. Tho season has just opened, and I hoar of nothing bub bisquoband vantage volleys/and tho merits of placing a smashing. It is undoubtedly a pleasant sight to watch a good game between good players ab ono of tho clubs, but for downright entertainment! givo mo the private lawn and a pavty ot dullors.

To begin with, they nover know who is scoring. They shout occasional points out. Sometimes ono and sometimes tho other dons this, and generally they fall back a point in evory two. When thoy get to vantage they aro delighted, til! ono sido disputes 011 whopo Fide ib lies. Thon thoy all como up to tho nob and talk. Finally, after about ten minutoa' arguilioation, thoy njjree to call it. vantage all. This generally happens every five minutes. A se!; played, it will be understood, takes some timo, but it is full of delights unknown to tho practised player. If a bull pitches jtisb over fche not, both partners make a violent lunge forward end then stop while the ball bounds pleasantly by both. Then do they recriminate each other and say indignantly, " 1 loft it for you." Tho reproving way, too, they look afc tho racquots when they misa an easy 100 is as delightful a spectacle as the heart of man could dofire. Ono sees other things at tonnis parties of this sort too, hut " Znmiel " is> discreet if anything, and would nob montion them for worlds.