WIT AND HUMOUR.

Auckland Star, Volume XVII, Issue 241, 13 October 1886, Page 4

WIT AND HUMOUR.

Tub pretty maiden fell ovorboard, and her lover leaned over the Bide of the boat as she rose to the surfooe, and said : " Give mo your hand." " Please ask papa," she taid, as she sauk for the second timo.

Ctood advieo indiscreetly given.—Brusque old doctor (after making an examination) — Well, eir, you havo a bad caso of heart diseaso and are liable to drop dt ad any minutr, and you must avoid any kind of oxcitoment ai you would tho cholera.

Customor-I say, Mr Barbor, I don't hear your scissors at work on my hair. Barber — Thero is very littlo hair on your head. Customer—Thut makes no difference. I pay you monoy, audi want you to rattle the sciewrß on tho bald place just tho same as if it had hair on it.

In view of the fact that thoro is a great demand for popular songs with unhealthy Biibjocts, such us "Birdie's dying," "I Must Seek tho Golden Shore," otc, it is Biiggo3t.il that somo poet got up a volume of tho various stages of illness Buitoble for musical uso, and call it "Poems of Gonoral Debility."

Dobeon—Hollo, Jobson, old man, how aro you ? Oh, by tho way, can you change a£s note for me? Jobeon (ploased to bo considered a capitalist) - Certainly, my boy, certainly. Dob.-oi—Good I I'm glad to hoar it. Then you'll cortainly bo abloto pay mo that £1 Os 4d you borrowed last year. And Jobson had to poy it.

Smith (at tho circus)- No 'or tco old for circus, oh, Brown? Brown—l don't care anything about it for mysolf, but somebody had to come wit'i tho boy. Smith—ls that your boy? Well-cr no ;my boy was takon sick at tho last moment—poor littlo chap-and so 1 brought a neighbour*. Ah me I wo wore all young onco, Smith,

A Gorman student, who epont most of hie own and his friend's monoy in riotous living, applied to an old absent-minded profossor for a certificate that bo had attended his locturos regularly. " But I can't remember ovor having soon you in tho loctnre-room," roplied tho professor. "You probibly confound mo with another student, who novor attonds your loctures, but whom I resemble very much in my personal appearance." "Ah, that explains it," roplied the absent-minded old man, signing the desired certificate.