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Ashburton Guardian, Volume XXXIX, Issue 9654, 10 July 1919, Page 2

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THE LIGHT FANTASTIC

This column, each Thursday, will lie claced at the disposal of any reader who uesires to contribute his, or her, views or experiences on any subject of public interest. Country readers are especially invited to respond.

(By "Rioma.")

The following is how " tripping the light fo.ntastic " was seen through the eyes of one non-dancer, who. I will cali for ray present purpose Bill .Higgins. He had read this advertisement in the Asbburton "Guardian".:

A. AVelcome Home wall bo tendered to Privates in the Hall on Friday, June —. Ladies a basket.

So much for the advertisement. Now for Bill Bill was verging on what is termed— now conscription is no more—the wrong side of 40. He had a large family, and was —but no need to enumerate a Ion? list of his virtues. 'Tis sufficient to say'that in these days of high tension, and nights of picture shows, of billiards, and of clubs, Bill was doniesticated, and found the lure of the fireside,' of home and children greater than the gay and giddy attractions without. All that is as it should be. But Bill was also patriotic. And, faith ! but isn't it a duty to attend anything in the way of v welcome to our soldiers ? So dragged himself from the comforts oi the fireside and hove himself off to the glitter and dazzle of the hall in -, nobly attended by the wife and eight bairns and the all-indispensable basket. Strains of music smote his car. "Let's hurry, me darlint; tho concert has begun." Manfully he paid his half-crown at the door, while the two elder boys " followed''in father's footsteps." and mother, with ja, watchful eye on the younger members of the flock, presented the bosket. Shure ! an' the hall is set out in the most up-to-date and approved style—latest light and all that sort of tiling—no candle "shedding its soft lustre (and wax) on head-dress and shawl," as in Bill's younger days; flags tastefully draping the walls. And why—even the seats arc arranged in new order round the room.

"Now then," he admonishes all the eight young Higginses, "fold your arms and sit up straight. It's goin' to be a grand concert, and mind you're not to talk when the fine leddies and grand gentlemen are singin' and recitin', or if you do" —with admonitory forefinger—" yell no' get comin' out again." }■ ■ A blare of the orchestra and the " concert " begins. " Take your partners for the first set" calls out somebody. Bill opens his mouth, and —cr — well,* there is no other word more polite to describe it correctly—gapes, just capes. "Thought there .was a-goin' to be a; concert ?" he remarks disconsolately to,the old man next to him. ■

"There ought to be. I don't hold wi' these dancin' notjons. They ought to cater for all tastes. There's me an' mother come all these miles, and we're no' as young as we used, to be, and we've to sit like stuffed dummies all tho night, seem' we don't dance and don't believe in it neither."

Round they go, in and out, pirouetting and prancing, twisting and twirling, a. rushing together and then a rout, a beckin<r and a bowing and a clasping of hands. Did you ever see anything like it? You think it's all over, and then "Repeat" ! They're all at it again.. - V - "There! It's over," says Bill. "Some o' the ladies are well-nigh faintin'. See them puffin' and blowin' and fannin' themselves. Now they'll want a spell, so we'll have a song. Sit up, bairns. We're goin' to have a song or a. recitation. But, no ! Some chap at the other end of the hall calls out: 'This way for the polka !' And, blow me ! but they're all up and at it again."

Bill snorted with disgust. " Hanged if I don't chip in and give them a bit of a song myself, just to break the monotony and shake things up !" And his hands sunk deep into his pockets, only to be woefully reminded of their emptiness. " And I gave a half-crown for this I" he groaned, " and two halfcrowns for the boys, making a sum total" —but 'twas lost in further groans.

"It's no' the dancin' I mind so much," interrupted his elderly companion, " but it's the mornina. after. "You've to be.roarin' and bellowin' to them to get up. But they're that tired they'll no rise. Then you'll hear them braggin' that they never missed a. dance. Yes, they go dancin', and dancin', and over-sweetin' (oversweating) themselves an' catch a chill, and it ends in pneumonia or something. Now, there's their mother — she never danced in her life, and you'll no find a healthier women in a' tho land."

Never were two men in greater concord. Bill emphatically agreed. " There's another dance finished," ho added. "Humph ! Heckon I could show the chaps a point still. There they all' go standin' and gapin' and gazin.' at the door ! Wily" the hang don't they go and sit down with their partners ? Only chance they get of tnlkin' sort of nice- and 'confidentiallike to them, I should think. Not much hope for confidences 'midst the fiiddy throng. But, instead, they all bolt._ or nearly all, for the door—kind of distance londs enchantment sort of principle, I expect, or dumb admiration from a distance. Wouldn't suit me: eh, mother ?"

But mother, thus abjured, did not reply, as she was docp in -an animated conversation with a matronly lady who "enjoyed looking on as much sis the young ones did the dancing"—for, "of course, you know," confided this elderly lady into mother's, attentiveear, "'tis very hard to get up/a concert nowadays in the country. It always falls to the lot- of one, or . two. to do all the work. Likewise 'tis the same people who have to perform, and they must get tired of it, for the audience is very^,oftcn critical, and, worse still, there are always people who are so wanting in good manners and good taste that they annoy both the performers and the audience by their seemingly never-ending stream of garrulous conversation. But you understand, my dear, don't you '?" Mrs William Higgins assured the elderly lady of her complete concurrence in all her remarks. "But still," she added, "it is a pity there isn't somebody to vary the dancing. Naturally, tlie young people dance and enjoy it, and I, for one,-would not deprive; them of their pleasure; but there are' those who could not dance, and those who would not, and they, too, deserve consideration. But here we have supper, and that is a variant alike welcome to, and approved of, by all." Supper over, and then dancing was

recommenced with fresh vigour and ardour. '' Hullo, Bill," said ;a young, man' with a pair of shining patent leather dancing pumps and glittering buckles— "Hullo, old man. Not often we see 3'ou out. Not dancing to-night ?" | "No." " But I thought you were a great dancer ?" Bill's eye wandered fondly along the row of eight—no, six—drooping heads, for Tom and Jim were away tripping it with the others. "Yes," said lie. " I used to be a great dancer afore I was married, but"—and his eyes twinkled mischievously—"marriage is a great civiliser."