"WOWSERS" AND OTHERS.

Ashburton Guardian, Volume XXXII, Issue 8258, 26 December 1911, Page 2

"WOWSERS" AND OTHERS.

■•■-■- TO THE EDITOR. Sir,—While thanking yon for past favours, may I request your further indulgence, in a very brief rigmarole this time, (1) to tell " Cosmopolite " that, " Ignoramus " would bo a more suitable signature . for a person who takes sides with any faction, (2) that a very simple fool can ask a Jot of questions, in a small space, that it i would take a greater fool and quite i half of the "Guardian " to answer ' them, (3) to state that, though I ad-' mit being stark miad, I have no mania , for abusing anybody*,, (4) I stick to the boys who stick to me, that man cannot live on sermons alone and if I had depended upon " wowsers "for a crust I should have perished long ago, (5) that I am very grateful to those of the residents who have extended their cash for value received. I draw the line at pity and make it a point never to accept anything in the way of charity if I can possibly avoid it, knowing full well that it is cheaper and better to pay cash and, be out of debt than to try to pay gratitude and be always too small to have' an opinion of my own, (6) I paid a hawker's license before I sold a pennyworth of anything in Ash burton, and I give as good value as any other shop-keeper. If by, any chance "Cosmopolite " has given me a penny too much for anything; he has only to apply and get his money back. If he has given me anything for the purpose of making a song about it, he is a "wowser," and I will gladly refund, (7) I want nothing from a "wowser" but civility and very little of that, lest people think he is keeping me. Any person cadging on my behalf is obtaining or attempting to obtain goods, etc., by false pretences, (8) it, would take a clever man to make a cap fit everybody and an ape to agree or disagree with everybody, (9) "Ingratitude" killed Caesar. What wonder if it hurts a "Cosmopolite," who hides behind a boulder to shoot at a man in the open. (10) I find notoriety without seeking it, but I do not expect a front seat in Heaven because of it, (11) Ash burton is not too sultry for me,, rather the reverse, too much social ice. Nevertheless I have made many genuine friends in Ashburton, and my sympathy is with them in our common need, more especially as the water-waggon fad seems to have infected , the clerk of the weather, (12) two good and sufficient reasons for me being in Ashburton, lack of £, s. d. and the power to walk out of it. If " Cosmopolite" wishes to make a "wowser" reserve of Ashburton, he may buy me out— the whole dern biz., lock, stock and good will, £50; terms spot cash—and I leave by the next train for a more -congenial clime, (standing offer; wowser money accepted), (13) the world is extensive, and I know it, and while getting my experience I managed to develop sufficient honesty to sign my name. TOM BOWYKR. 1 Ashburton, December 23, 1911.