A Christmas Story

Observation Post, Volume 1, Issue 30, 11 December 1942, Page 6

A Christmas Story

A BOMAN HOLIDAY. — AN ARTILLERY TIT-BIT. t (By W. T-M.) Once upon a time approaching Christmas in the year xx 42 there was a famous General named Charlow, who felt that his valiant army was becoming stale, so, forsooth he sicked one portion thereof upon another section. This 'did he unbeknown to the second section.

The first section, for the sake of clarity we will call ‘‘The Curlews” because they were commanded by a tried and valued officer named Curlew (so named because of his ability to see all things like the bird of that name). The second party we will call ‘‘The Burtinkers’’.because, of their commander, a man much tried in the art of war. The Curlews were well encamped at a place named Toko and were sleeping and rejoicing because they were well away from the main army and the lynx eye of General Charlow. Suddenly they were attacked by the Burtinkers., Some of the occurrences are worthy of narration. A party of Burtinkers under the command of Centurian ■ Georgius Secundus attacked a well fortified ‘‘ O Pip in the care of ■ Markus Primus (so named to avoid confusing him with ■ another apostle of the same name, Markus Secundus. \ Unfortunately Centurian Georgius Secundus was very impetuous and of a mighty valour and in the heat of battle raced ahead of his glorious band, to capture the stronghold. He was easily captured as he entered the fort and the same fate befell his men who entered almost one by one and much out of breath from trying to keep up with their beloved leader. Now the historian grieves to have to report that Markus Primus was asleep in his bivvy, (being a little fella he

needed a lot of sleep). Now, Georgius Secundus had two very wise sub-officers, Beardy and an apostle in embryo named Matthew. These two wised up their leader to the fact that Markus was asleep, and so with much stealth and low cunning they not only retrieved their own bows and arrows but those of Markus and escaped. When Markus realised the dirt cast upon him, he emulated the action of the Saxon-King Alfred and burned his scones. Being now much elated and in great glee they decided to attack the Headquarters of Colonel Curlew. , Snooping and crawling they approached 1 a varlet on guard. Standing' up and approaching boldly, Georgius demanded of the sentry: » ■ ’ ‘‘Give unto me the password.” The sentry being just a mere soldiet with no ambition or grey matter replied: ‘‘Hokitoki.” t Thanks, quoth Georgius, ‘‘now thou art my prisoner.” Now this-password had magic in it and was often used after a cry of Me hi hi hi. , . . ~v . . •. • Armed with the magic password this party was able to capture sentry after sentry. Unfortunately the historian was not able to follow up this story as the mighty General Charlow had created a diversion. Being a keen and cunning General, he at his evening meal, surrounded by his generals, centurians and slaves, suddenly smote his brow and exclaimed: ‘‘Ha!-Ha!.Now will we, with our reputation of the. eternal triangle, make this battle a three to one gamble. Hie thee Colonel Sniftus (so known because of the red hirsute appearance of his upper lip) and limber up one of your mighty weapons and procure from that Worthy fellow Wills’ son. some powder and shot. We will surprise ’em.” Away they went and to make the

game more sporting they dispensed with their slaves and manned the piece with ' officers. . j ■ Arriving at the scene of battle, the ■ officers, manhandled the ponderous weapon nigh unto the H.Q. of Colonel Curlew and.with much giggling and mirth | it was eventually worked into position, i However, the noise of girlish laughter attracted the attention of Colonel Curlew’s sentries. With much presence of mind the quick witted General Charlow fell into a mighty rushing torrent. His language turned the air blue so that the ; sentries were not able to locate the cor- ' rect position until after the ballista had been loaded, rammed, flint set and fired. ■ ■ .... It is regrettable that the only damage inflicted was to the-local peasantry (who had a son on H.Q.), who quickly burrowed under the rushes on the floor until activity had ceased. . The following day saw many stormy arguments somewhat on these lines, ‘You buzzard, that’s my bow and ar- • row you’ve got.’’ However, peace was quickly restored by General Charlow and they all lived unhappily ever after. DEPENDS Father: Hullo! Where’s Alfred gone to? Mother: If the ice is as thick as ho thinks it is, he’s gone skating, but if it is as thin as I think it is, he’s gone bathing.