The Art of Conversion

Flak, Volume 1, Issue 6, 28 May 1943, Page 6

The Art of Conversion

(95th Battery Correspondent)

Stress can—-and does mean much. Of course it all depends on the person or persons or anyone other than the old 98th, now the new 95th. The stress might have been distress, but such is our spirit (35/-' per bottle) that we soar high above our difficulties in conversions (C.V. to those who know). This handing-over business has been like the twins, a mixed blessing. There’s no doubt about it: we should have a Phoenix on our crest as from the chaos of Stock Survey sheets, Boards of Indignation, Boards of Dismay, Committees of Telling Off (or Writing Off or whatever they are called) we are risen supreme. From the ashes has developed the greatest shewing of talent seen in the Pacific. Not of course, the type of Friday night talent the' boys like.

Outstanding on the talent list, of course, comes our worthy . Major, who may be persuaded for a certain consideration to perform miracles. You have no doubt heard of the titled bloke called Midas who turned things to gold with a touch. Well, our old man can turn anything into anything else without even a touch. He uses a gadget called a C.V., and believe us, the results are truly remarkable. He started off in a nice refined manner by changing “teaspoons, Waacs, for the use of” into “Tablespoons, Gunners for the use of,” as there seemed to be some little difference in mouth sizes' (they look much the same to us, but what the ! does that matter —he did it anyway). He also helped to turn a certain sleepy Adjutant into a car one dark night. (Author’s note—No. C.V. was necessary on this occasion, I think is was a R'.U.M.) To return to the subject, the Major nonchalantly, merely with a flourish of the wrist, changes spark plugs into floor mops, ' soap to sugar, sausages to nails, ad infinitum. We have so much faith in him these days that we took a Bofors over to the aerodrome this morning and planted it down on one end of the runway. To-morrow we are all going up for a flight! - And we must tell you of two of our more senior officers who tried this C.V. racket on an R.N.Z.A.F. Equipment Officer. . Too bad he couldn’t be persuaded that two hexagonal nuts were springs- syn. gear power, tray, long. His final r emark was “They still look like Simmon’s nuts to me.”

What with C.l.V.’s, C.R.V.’s, N.Z. 138’s, : N.Z.I B’s, etc., we are all rapidly becoming experts in Acounting For Stores we wish the B.Q.M.S. would not keep referring to; 1 Z.B.’s. We have not quite reached that standard of racket yet. ' , ■ “EXAMPLE IS BETTER THAN PRECEPT.’’ As the fully accredited representative Of Military .Law (of crimes preventative), Captain Maguiness, both; stern and > impartial, Adorned with his presence a district court-martial. Before the prisoner was even attested -The president of the court requested The records and files of the case to encumber With Captain Maguiness’s registered number. Crimson with obvious mortification At such an unsoldierly, sad abberation, - - • v. Captain 1 Maguiness at length must confess To a temporary state of forgetfulness. The president said, “Though deploring this lapse, In Captain Maguiness’s case, perhaps A search through his pay-book will quickly uncover The exact information we wish to discover.” The captain’s discomfort a climax is- nearing His pockets turned out but no paybook appearing. This shameful admission from him must emerge, “I’ve left it -behind in my second best .serge!”