RADIO FLASHES FROM HERE, THERE & EVERYWHERE!

Camp News, Volume 3, Issue 131, 17 July 1942, Page 7

RADIO FLASHES FROM HERE, THERE & EVERYWHERE!

News that will make your breath come and go in panties,, scanties and shorties too. * * * * Believe it or not! Tucker-box Ted strolled into a shop the other day to buy a mouth-organ arid the. young lady behind the counter had the cheek to say, “Run your mouth over this piano for size, sonny, please.” : ,** * ' ♦ There must be something radically wrong with the present generation, when they lose their sense of feeling so easy and have to attend special classes to learn to touch, and, cripes, they got to use five fingers now-a-days. Why, I remember, in the good old days, when us fellers got-a-goin’ we did all the touchin’ we needed with a couple of fingers, and on any old typewriter, too. What next they cornin’ to? * * * * Congratulations are extended to L/Cpl. Joe and Cpl. Mac-the-marrow on their recent promotion. ***** There was a Corporal named Ham. Who was a cunning old man, f • One day, some toast he espied To himself he said, ‘This I will acquire.’ As quick as a flash He grabbed the said toast, and dashed. In a shed Where he had fled, With a grin on his face and filled with solace He made a bold boast, ' As he ate all the toast. x How he had hoaxed the old bloke That had made the said toast. NOT VERY GOOD IS IT? YOU’RE T ELLIN’ MEI! * * * * Commencing with this issue we will endeavour to brighten this column with a “Fairy Story” each week. Although riot intended to be humorous, it is typical of the times through which we are passing. It is our sincerest wish that this feature will be enjoyed by the large number of readers of this paper. The first is entitled: A DIABOLICAL SCHEME Once upon a time there were two very, very naughty little cooks; one was dark and the other was fair. In- ; tent upon a little devilry these two ; wicked littlte boys decided to play a prank upon some sergeants. They set ; to work and after many, many moons hit upon an idea, which seemed to ; them a very good one, but unfortun- j ately for the sergeants, turned out to 1

■ be a very diabolical scheme. After 1 careful planning they caressed into I their scheme a third person, a very skinny and contorted specimen; this specimen they fed lustily with the very I best of ingredients, indeed the fat off the land. Mince-meat, bread-crumbs, 1 seasoning and plenty of milk was this individual’s daily diet. At length, after many, many months of feeding, , this over-ripe felon, became thick and ‘ heavy and had large bulging muscles, in fact he became a heavy-weight bruiser. At last the great day arrived, and i with their plans fully prepared and in readiness these two horrid and extremely wicked little cooks shook and shivered with laughter as they thought of their wonderfully laid plans. Now, to bring their dirty little scheme to a successful conclusion a

third party was necessary, so they choose an unsuspecting sergeant’s mess orderly. This poor fellow not realising the commotion and uproar he was about to cause, assisted these naughty boys by taking the ‘Bruiser’ into the sergeant’s mess hidden under a canopy. Immediately the canopy was lifted out jumped this nasty looking bruiser who made for the first sergeant in his way and with a lefthanded stinker knocked * the 5 poor blighter stiff. Another sergeant in defence of his honour cut the brute’s tail off with his knife but without result, for he too was floored. Pandemonium rained, no matter how the sergeants fought back with knives, forks and spoons this dirty villain of a Bruiser flattened all but one man, this man, a brave staff-sergeant looked the Bruiser calmly and cooly, straight in the eye, THEN with one MIGHTY SWIPE he cleaned the SAUSAGE up. Note. All characters in this “Fairy Story” are ficticious and do not bear resemblance to any person or persons, , living or dead. m

• A: ' TEASEMENT , Get a bottle of OPIE’S KOFF r KURE before it is too EARLY. • KILLS STOP-OUT KOLDS in one ■ dose. ’ Can be used for coughs, colds or sore soles. Guaranteed not to rip, , tear, scratch or break. Won’t take paint or varnish off. Directions and Ree-See-Pee: Take six tablespoons of PICK-IT, 12 toilet roll hangers with attachments— 7 GARDS, 6 plates, mess-horderlee and flavour with medium dose of Fat-E-Gue; drink hot. f Guaranteed to KURE all stop-out kolds or your money cheerfully refunded. ***** SOCIAL COMMITTEE MEETING . The first meeting of the above committee was held in the Recreation Hut on Tuesday, Bth inst., and members selected for various duties are as . - __ ?

follows: Chairman, Sgt. Ken.; Treasurer; The 0.C.; Secretary, ’ Cpl. William of the Canteen Committee; Bandmaster, also leader of the MouthOrgan Band, 2/Lt. P.; Orchestral Leader, L/Cpl. Rosie;. Stage and Production Managers, 2/Lt. T. and “Useless Eustace’s Compere; Associate, Sgt. Ken.; Publicity, L/Cpl Eddie; Patron and Vice-Patron, ex officio, The Officer Commanding and Adjutant of the Unit. Plans are well ahead for the formation of a Brass Band, Mouth Organ Band and Orchestra, a piano has been promised by the gentleman in charge of the local Y.M.C.A., this probably will have been installed by the time this information appears in print, if riot, it will only be a matter of a few days when it is so. Immediately the staging has been erected, arrangements can be made for the screening of talkies twice a week, with the permission of the Officer Commanding. Up to the time of going to press the sum of £ls/10/- has been collected by way of subscriptions and including a donation of £3, this amount can still

further be substantially increased by those who have not yet contributed. Every penny received will be spent to the best advantage for the Unit’s comfort, and a scheme is afoot whereby the funds can be further augmented from time to time without further assistance from members of the Unit, or becoming a drain on any Patriotic Movement. A Balance Sheet will be issued from time to time. Every encouragement is being given by the 0.C., Adjutant, and officers of the Unit, and the magnificent response to our appeal for financial lelp from one and all assures the Committee that the venture will be a huge success. * * * * SNOW-E —A nigger in the woodpile. * * * * Sgt. Bob. and Cpl. McGinarility are taking a seven day’s breather. Boys Town MAY see them occasionally. * * * * Orderly Officer of the Day sniffed at HIGH price of snosages. So did the So jeers.