IMAGINARY INTERVIEW.

New Zealand Illustrated Sporting & Dramatic Review, Volume XX, Issue 1123, 19 October 1911, Page 4

IMAGINARY INTERVIEW.

Sir John Findlay-—Wpuld-be Commoner. Harry H. Hayr—Popular Sportsman. H.H-H.: Good-day Findlay. Going to be one of us? Sir Jay: Pleased to. meet you; but really you’ve got the advantage of me- You weren’t at the Coronation, were you? H.H.H.: Well you surprised me. Surely you’ve heard Jimmy Carroll speak of Harry Hayr. Why, Jimmy and I are cobbers. He. wired me to give you a lift at Parnell. Sir Jay: Ha! Yes, indeed! Ten thousand pardons! Awfully pleased to meet you. Sir ' James is never finished singing your praises; in fact, he told me to be sure and meet the “Old Hoss ” You’re a Parnell elector, of course? Fine place Parnell! Intelligent people Parnellites!! Why, Mister Hayr—or may I say Harry; Sii’ James tells me everyone calls you Harry—you’re the very man to make my return to Parliament a certainty. H.H.H.: Why, yes, call me what you like. No, I don’t live in Parnell, but I ‘bet I can round up a few of the sports to shake things up some for you alt the same. Sir Jay: Ha, that’s splendid. I cannot thank you enough. H.HH-.: That’s all right, old man. When Jimmy Carroll says you’re good" enough for Parnell, that’s good enough for the “nuts,” take my word for it.

Sir Jay: Splendid, Harry. “ By the way are you a Justice of the Peace? I’ll see that your name is at the' top

of the next list of J.P’s. There are quite a number I’ve met who should have been on years ago. It’s simply wonderful how many suitable Jus--tiees Parnell holds. ■ '

H.H.H.: No thanks, old sport. I want no letters of the alphabet after my name —unless you have a few spare H’s. Plain Harry Hayr is good enough for me.

Sir Jay: Awfully sorry. No offence meant really. It’s strange how intelligent people object now-a-days to become Justices of the Peace. Now, Harry, just let me run over a few of my electioneering planks to get your candid opinion of them.

H.H.H.: Oh damn your planks. I know nothing about politics, and what’s more I don’t want to. Jimmy Carroll says you’ll see us right, and that’s enough for Harry Hayr and the sports of this village. By the way, you are a sport yourself Findlay, of course?

Sir Jay: Well —eh—well, yes. I suppose one must be a sport to represent an electorate like Parnell? H.H.H.: Of course Jimmy didn’t tell me anything of your pedigree, and some of my cobbers have told me. you’re a wowser. That’s why I asked.

Sir Jay: Well, perhaps I should admit that in my younger days I was no athlete, and did’nt go to sports and races-

H.H.H.: Ah then you’ve reformed now. Come along and we’ll crack a magnum at Tommy Markwick’s., and I’ll make you known to the “boys.” Good chaps the boys!

Sir Jay: Well—-but—l think—you’ll understand—the fact is

H.H.H.: No hedging Sir John Findlay. That won’t do up here. Sir Jay: Harry, old sport, the spirit is willing, but you see Sir Robert Stout was my political—and practically domestic—wet-nurse. As a consequence I don’t drink—at least in public. I must ask you to excuse me. Of course, if you insist I don’t mind a milk and -WairongaH.H.H.: Waironga good stuff, eh? Sir Jay: Indeed it is. I’m including it on the diet charts of my prison reform scheme.

H.H.H.: Bully for you? That’s the talk!! But when you mention Stout; he’s a wowser—a regular out and outer. If you’re one of his mob you’re no good to the Auckland boys. Sir Jay: Fact is I’m trying to break from him, because Arthur Myers and Ernie Davis are going to back me for this election, and also Tong Long; so, of course, I’m now a waser and not a wowser. H.H.H.: Righto! Now look here Findlay, take my tip and forget all/ your blanky fads or Parnell won’t stand youSir Jay: That’s my line. H.H.H.: Ah, talking about lines. Come. out fishing with me on the launch this afternoon. I’ve got some of the “nuts” —the best in the world —coming, and you’ll get good sport. There’s Andy Hanna, Bob Wynyard, Donald McLeod —three of our crack schnapper catches. They never go out without filling the launch. You’ll enjoy yourself, besides being able to bring back loads of fish to give the old dames around Parnell. They are sure vote catchersSir Jay: That’s splendid. I’ll make one of the party to be sure. I must wire to Sir James and tell him what a Britain you are. Good-bye for the present. I’m charmed to have met you.

H.H.H.: By the way, tell me this: are you opposed to the totalisator? Sir Jay: Well, I don’t exactly know now. What do you think about it yourself? H.H.H.: You can take my word for it, as one who knows, that the tot(e is the finest institution in New Zealand. Why they are now fighting to get it in India, Australia, •- and the South Sea Islands —where I’ve been lately.

Sir Jay: Well, then, that settles the matter, Harry- When I opposed it in the Legislative Council I knew nothing about it, but when a disinterested fellow like you is so enthusiastic over it, well that convinces me that we- must have the machine. H.H.H.: Well, Findlay, old sport. Your sporting the silk now that will catch Harry Massey’s eye at the poll. Drop the prohibition, wowser blue and take on the cerise, and you’re an odds-on chance. Ta-ta and good luck.