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New Zealand Illustrated Sporting & Dramatic Review, 24 November 1910, Page 23

NICE FOR THE OLD LADY. Dear Old Lady (with a view to a little moral teaching): “Now, do ] either of you little boys say naughty | words?” ! Elder Brother: “Well, mum, l| ain’t much of a ’and at it myself, but I young Bill ’ere is a treat. Cuss for ' the lady, Bill.” ! HAD PLENTY OF PRACTICE, j The Mayor (inspecting Territorials) —“I want to compliment you, sir, on the faultless manner in which your blanket and overcoat are rolled. It is perfection.” Private Bimley.— “Four years’ practice in Ford Gaylor’s flannel department orter do something for a man.” RAIN IN. HEAVEN. Jerome J. McWade, the Duluth millionaire, said at an open-air luncheon at his farm near Biwabik: — ■ The last time I had my house filled with slum urchins it rained cats and dogs for a week.lt was a dreadful disappointment for my visitors. ‘ One rainy morning I heard a little chap say to his sister, as he flattened his nose against the pane and looked out disconsolately at the drenched green countryside: — “‘lt don’t ever rain in heaven, does it, May?” “‘ In course it does, ye little chump!’ the girl replied. ‘That’s where it’s all cornin’ from, aint it?’ ” AN EYE TO BUSINESS. The young doctor had just completed his calls for the day. And has my little wife been lonely?” he asked on entering his newly-made home. “Oh, no, dear,” she replied; “at least, not very lonely! I’ve found something to busy myself with. I am organising a class for both young girls and married women, and we’re teaching each other how to cook.” “And what do you do with the things you cook?” he asked, rather anxiously. “We send them to the neighbours,” was the comforting reply. “Dear little woman!” and he kissed her passionately. “You are always thinking of your husband’s practice.” FOR HIS OWN ENDS. “Here!” shouted the railway official; “ what do you mean by throwing those trunks about like that?” The porter gasped in astonishment, and several travellers pinched themselves to make sure that it was real. Then the official spoke again: “ Don’t you see that you’re making big dents in this concrete platform!” TEMPTING ADAM. When some celebrated pictures of Adam and Eve were seen on exhibition, Mr. McNab was taken to see them. “ I think no great things of the painter,” said the gardener. “ Why, man! tempting Adam wi’ a pippin of a variety that wasna known until about twenty years ago!” NO FEAR OF HIM. “ Na,na, I’ll hae nae mair Irishmen,” said a Scottish farmer to a Hibernian applicant for work; “the last twa that I had dee’d on my han’, and I had to bury them at my ain expense.” “ Och, sur, there’s no fear o’ me; shure I can get a sartiffikit from the houle of my masters that I never died wid none o’ them.”