Page 23 Advertisements Column 2

New Zealand Illustrated Sporting & Dramatic Review, 24 November 1910, Page 23

IN A WORD. Mrs. Meeker —I’ve never had the pleasure of meeting the wife of your friend, Mr. Henpek; what type of woman is she? Mr. Meeker —Dreadnought! GREAT WAS ITS FALL. Harry came into the room looking uneasy. “What is the matter?” asked his mother. “The barometer has fallen.” “Has it? How much?” “About five feet.*’ WHAT HAPPENS? “Paddy,” said a father to his little boy, who was in the habit of telling lies, “do you know what happens to liars when they die?” “Well,” said Paddy, after thinking a while, “I suppose they lie still.” DIDN’T KNOW HIS BUSINESS. Farmer on board a steamer (suffering a good deal from the rolling of the vessel), to friend: “This capt’n don’t understand his business. Why don’t he keep in the furrows?” SHE KNEW. A little girl was in the witness-box, and was examined to see “whether she understood the nature of an oath.” The dialogue was: — “Do you know what an oath is?” “Yes, sir.” “Do you know what will happen if you tell a lie?” “Yes, sir.” “What will happen?” “We’ll win the case, sir.” FIRES EXTINGUISHED. A farmer in a small way walked into the office of one of our fire insurance companies, and intimated that he wished to insure his barn and a couple of stacks. “What facilities have you for extinguishing a fire in your village?” inquired the superintendent of the office. The man scratched his head, and pondered over the matter for a little while. Eventually he answered: “Well, it sometimes rains!” GIVE HIM A CHANGE. Mrs. Henpeck.—“ You’re kinder to dumb-animals than you are to me.” Henpeck.—“ Well, you try being dumb, and you’ll see how kind I’ll be to you.” COULD SEE THROUGH HIM. “Now, don’t tell me any story about misfortune an’ wantin’ to be a hard worker, an’ all that,” said the hardfaced lady. “I can see right through you.” “Gracious!’ said Dismal Dawson, “I know I ain’t had nothin’ to eat for three days, but I didn’t know it had thinned me down like that.” IN A QUANDARY. Irishman (as someone knocks at the door): ‘ Shure, if I don’t answer, it’s some wan to give me a job, an’ if I do it’s the landlord after the rint. —“Punch.” NOT WHAT HE MEANT. Ferrold. —“I can’t get any speed out of that motor-car you sold me. You told me you had been arrested six times, in it.” Hobart. —“So I was, old chap, for obstructing the highway.

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