MISCELLANEOUS.

New Zealand Graphic, Volume VIII, Issue 36, 5 September 1891, Page 356

MISCELLANEOUS.

‘Well, Johnnie, how do you like riding on my keee?’ ‘Very much, grandpapa; out last Saturday it was much better fun, because then I had a real donkey to ride !* Not Enough.—He (passionately): ‘One kiss before I go.’ She (disgustedly): ‘Well, if you do not want to kiss me more than once, yon need not kiss me at all.' * What! Only married a year and yet you are so downcast !’ * Ah, my dear fellow, I never imagined that a wife would prove such a costly article !* ‘ Yes, a wife is a costly article, that’s true ; but then you mu«t remember that she lasts a man for a precious long time !’ Mrs Potts : ‘ J ust to think of your talking to me in such a style. You, who used to swear I was an angel.’ Mr Potts : * Look here, my dear, that isn’t fair; you know it isn’t. What is the use of twitting a man about the lies he told fifteen years ago ?’ Easily Settled.—Old gentleman (to suitor): ‘Do you think you can give my daughter as comfortable a home as she now has ?’ Suitor : ‘Yes, sir.’ Old gentleman: ‘How can you do it?’ Suitor : ‘ Oh, we’ll both live here.’ They were talking of a death, when one man asked, ‘ What were his last words ?’ * He didn’t say anything,’ was the reply. * That’s just like him,’ said the first man, with an approving nod. ‘ There was no gas about him ; he was all business.’ ‘Mamma,’said the minister's little boy. * I want some buttons sewed on.’ * Dear ! dear ! And there isn’t a button in the bouse. Willie, you will have to wait until the collection is taken up next Sunday.’ Twice as Delightful.—Ethel: ‘ Do you know of anything more delightful than a real true lover ?’ Maud : ‘Yes.’ Ethel: ‘What?’ Maud: ‘ Two of them.’ A Corner.—Young Broker: ‘Pray pardon me, Miss Longwaite, 1 fear I’ve been talking shop.’ Miss Longwaite : ‘Oh ! I like it. It sounds as though you really meant business.’ School Teacher: * Johnny, what is the second letter in the alphabet?’ Johnny: ‘Don’t know.’ School Teacher :. * What flies about the garden ?’ Johnny : ‘ When ?’ School Teacher: ‘ln the summer.’ Johnny: ‘Oh, I know—mother after the hens. ’ Teacher: ‘ Keep your hand down, John Billings ; when I am ready I will call upon you.’ T«*n minutes later. ‘ Now Jchn Billings, I will hear what you have to say.’ John Billings : ‘ I only wanted ter tell yer that I seed a tramp in der hallway hook yer goldheaded umbrella.’ Theatrical manager (to author): * I am sorry to say that your society play, which I have just read, lacks all the elements of popularity. ’ Author : ‘ I flattered myself that— Manager : ‘ Yes, I know. The dialogue is brilliant and the plot original and well constructed, but you give the leading lady no opportunity of wearing expensive gowns. Give us less plot and dialogue and more gowns.’ A Careful Husband.—Mose Schaumburg: ‘Repecca, you must not valk so close by de edge of dot vater.’ Rebecca: ‘ I vill valk vere I blease. ’ Mose Schaumbuig : ‘ All right, Repecca, but cboost hand me right avay dot bocket-book mit de monies, so dat it vill be only a gase of mitigated affliction, and not so much of der heavy bereavement pusiness.’ Funniman : * Now, there’s your husband coming, Mrs Candor. Let’s make a little surprise for him. Mrs Funniman and I will hide behind the curtains here, and you can tell him that your expected gnests haven’t come. Then we’ll step out and surprise him.’ (Enter Mr Candors). Mrs Candor (obeying orders) : ‘ Well, John, our expected guests have disappointed us. Mr and Mrs Funniman haven’t come.’ Mr Candor (heartily): ‘ I’m glad of it.’ ‘ Why don’t you call me a donkey, and have done with it? You’ve hinted at it long enough,’he snarled out. ‘lt wouldn’t be quite true,’ she replied. ‘ I suppose not. I suppose I haven’t ears enough for that animal,’ he retorted, sarcastically. ‘Oh, yes, you have,’ she returned, sweetly, ‘ You don’t need any more ears.’ ‘ What do I need, then Y ‘More legs.’