"If"---with apologies to Kipling

Ladies' Mirror, Volume 5, Issue 5, 1 November 1926, Page 48

"If" - - - with apologies to Kipling

If you can keep your head when all about you Are tooting horns and racing motors, too. I f you can laugh when hard-boiled cops shout out: “You ! Get back in line until I let you through!” If you can wait, and not be tired by waiting, While some dub wrecks your bumper and your lights; Or, being cussed at, don't give way to cussing, Or pull a gun and line up both the sights. If you can guess the other chap’s intention, And know if he’ll turn left or turn to right; I f you’re familiar with the fourth dimension, And know just what to do when traffic’s tight. If you can watch the “Stop” and “Go” signs flutter, Assisted by knaves to make a trap for fools. If you can sass a cop without a stutter. Each time you’re stopped for violating rules.

If you can make a turn where there’s “No Turning,” Or drive the wrong way in a “oneway street.” 'if you can smile when all your brakes arc burning, And the motor baulks each ten or twenty feet. 1 f you can keep on going without worry When you know the gasoline is getting low; If you can loaf along while others hurry, And then speed past those warnings : “School—Go Slow.” It you can drive through crowds and never falter. And miss pedestrians by an inch or two. If you can wear a smile that will not alter When five and ten-ton trucks lurch out at you. If you can see your wheels and fenders crumpled, And greet the man who did it with a grin; You’ll have no trouble driving in the city But you’re a better man than I am, Gunga Din!