Some Sins against Childhood

Ladies' Mirror, Volume V, Issue 2, 2 August 1926, Page 19

Some Sins against Childhood

" A fter all the money I've spent /ion your education, sir! . . . Is this all the return I get for ail I've done for you? . . .1 shall stop supplies immediately! .. ." Thus the outraged father of a century ago when his son failed to act as he approved. To-day we do not so often hear remarks of this type. We have begun to realise that children bring us at least as much joy and satisfaction as we give them. But for all that we do not yet realise how numerous are the sins still committed against childhood, sins committed for the most part in ignorance but none the less heinous on that account. They are not generally recognised as sins. Take that very common fault in dealing with childrenover demonstrativeness. There is a great deal of sentimentality around the subject of mothers and children, and the fond mother is usually considered most worthy of praise, no matter how stupidly she may show her affection. How wonderful, we think, is that instinct that causes her to shower caresses on her infants, that causes her to rejoice in their helplessness and weakness, and to resolve to keep them "babies as long as possible," in spite of the obvious practical inconvenience of such a policy! What we fail to realise is that there is a great difference between true mother-love and what a modern writer has aptly termed "mother-lust." The intelli-

Sent mother tempers her dcmonstrativeness for the sake of the child, realising that if he is to grow up virile and self-reliant he must not

be hedged about by too much affection: the mother whose love for her child is more primitive seeks to keep him dependent upon hershe overwhelms him with caresses, she orders his conduct even in the smallest matters, she dresses him too childishly and too picturesquely, she encourages him to talk in baby language long after he is perfectly capable of speaking clearly. This is the first sin against childhood load the child with love that hinders his development instead of givinghim the intelligent, restrained love that encourages and rejoices in watching his healthy growth, , ' g 'he second sin is closely connected with the —we often neglect to give our children room to grow. Failing to realise that each child is born into the world to work out his life for himself, we too often force any and every one into a prescribed routine. We form perfectly definite ideas of what each child should know and how each child should act at a certain age, and by hook or by crook we see that he knows what he should, docs what he should, even—sometimes—thinks what he should.

Yet, although we have a definite idea as to what children must do and be at every stage, we have little real respect for the stages of

why and wherefore of everything. Herein lies another great sin against childhood— damp the child’s legitimate curiosity at the very outset of life, and in doing so rob him of all desire to learn.

And we instil fear into him, too. Little children are naturally cautious, but they are not cowardly. We make them into cowards. The baby wants to climb on his chair. This is a good exercise, for he will development. Often we fail utterly to understand the needs of children who have passed the baby stage and who are longing to think and act for themselves. Too often we treat the adolescent as though he were still a child. Too often we arouse negative feeling in the growing boy —in those troublesome years between eight and thirteen—by seeking to over-dominate him. Yet, if the child were left alone more to grow, we should have plenty of opportunity to educate him also. Look at the little child out for a walk with his mother. He wants to know about everything—the flowers, the trees, the big crane that is loading and unloading bricks, the way the watercart works, the way the Post Office is run and is such a big place. How do we meet this interest? Generally we feel aggrieved that the child is so troublesome, wanting to know the

learn to use his muscles in doing so. But what do we say? "Baby, be careful; you'll hurt yourself!" Yet, a child at play seldom hurts himself when he falls, because he falls with relaxed muscles like a kitten. It is only the child rigid with fear who runs, as a rule, any risk of injury. Again, a small boy wants to make acquaintance with a new animal. "Let me give him some!" I heard a little boy say to his father at the Zoo recently, when he observed others feeding the elephant with buns. "No," said the father. "He'll hurt you." An almost precisely similar incident happened in my own home the other day. A mother, accompanied by her small son, was walking up the drive, and our three sheepdogs rushed to meet them. They are big animals, but kindly ones, and the small boy recognised the. fact. He streched out his little hand to stroke them. "Darling, they'll hurt you." called out his mother apprehensively. Yet both these parents will probably be quite naively surprised if later on their children show a fear of dogs or elephants.

/"Af course . mos of our mistakes '-Are due to lack of respect for the child’s nature. We do not reflect enough on the essential beauty of the child—on his simplicity, on his desire to learn, on his fearlessness, That is why we are strangely incurious, very often, about the books and toys we give our small children, That is why, very often, untrained teachers arc considered good enough for small children.