TO HELP YOUNG WRITERS

Ladies' Mirror, Volume I, Issue 5, 1 November 1922, Page 32

TO HELP YOUNG WRITERS

Critical Notes

[No MS. will be returned unless accompanied by stamps. No liability is undertaken re voluntary contributions. Name and full address must appear on the MS. itself.] Forester Clarke." Sarah" has the makings of- a good character sketch. It needs snap, however, and a climax more in keeping with the main idea. Need she be such a rabid man-hater? She is a lonely and very pathetic scarcely one to be held up to ridicule. With a sympathetic treatment something good might be made of the material. Cinderella, Mount Eden.l realise that your pen runs away with you, but it is a good —provided you can criticise the result very severely later on. "With Nature" is a thank-offering to Nature's bounty and loveliness, but it is entirely personal, and has no appeal for the general reader. In writing of this kind semi-descriptive, semi-meditative — the use of general terms produce vagueness. You speak of " a bird singing." It would bring a vivid picture if you named it a tui or a thrush. _ In "Feathered Visitors" your comparison of the seagulls and tern with the falling snow settling lightly on the grass is very apposite. Have you read and studied such works as Lamb's "Essays of Elia" or "My Garden Acquaintance," by James Russell Lowell — of them collections of essays of deathless charm and —models for all time. In them accurate observation is mingled with quaint thoughts and flashes of poetry, that lift them infinitely above writing that is merely emotional and descriptive. The point of the "Joy of possessing a cow" is certainly clear. "Mary Astor.""Baby's Great Aunt" has decided merit in style and workmanship, but the theme is somewhat hackneyed, and scarcely worthy of its setting. "Life's Colour in the Gray" is different. It is pleasing in subject and treatment, both of which show delicacy and an artistic sense of values. I shall probably use it in our journal. D.M.N., Opoho, Dunedin. You have not studied metre closely. In the lines:—• "The pine-trees tap at my window, Their music has entered my room, Their voices are whispering and calling, Calling me through the long night" you ignore rhyme altogether. There is smoothness of cadence in the first three lines which might pass, though end-rhymes are lacking, but you make a sudden change in the fourth. The accent alters from the second to the first syllable, and from that on the line does not scan. It is just plain prose, and the result is not pleasing. You would do well to study Prosody or the rules of verse writing and would find sufficient to help you in the chapter on metre which is included in our best English Grammars. Another point to watch is the meaning of your verse. Always have something to say when you write, and test the sense of it when written. Take the phrase "lady faiery" for instance. What is the "voice of lowering herds"—even "the voice, of lowing herds" is a hackneyed expression —a reminiscence of Gray's "Elegy in a Country Churchyard." Do not try to write Vers Librcs. They are the refuge of the would-be verse writer who cannot or will not take pains. Your lines on "Night" are just prose cut up into short lengths. Verse — good verseis not written with ease. Poetry is much more difficult, but with study and application much may be accomplished.