Wit & Humour

Waikato Times, Volume 127, Issue 21200, 24 August 1940, Page 20 (Supplement)

Wit & Humour

MANY TREASURES Little Alfie, evacuated to the country from the city, came in with his handkerchief full of treasures. “Pretty shells,” he told his hostess. But when he opened the bundle, his face was a study. “Blimey! They’ve hatched!” he cried. His “treasure” consisted of snails. SOMETHING NEW A salesman was dismissed because of a lack of courtesy to customers. A month later the sales manager spotted, him walking about in a police uniform. “I see you have joined the force, Jones,” said the manager. “Yes, this is what I have been looking for all my life. On this job the customer is always wrong.” MIGHT SAVE TROUBLE The old man was leaving the cemetery when a younger man overtook him. “Well, old Jim’s gone at last,” said the younger man. “Yes,” replied the old man, “he was the last of my old friends. I’ve survived them all.” “How old are you?” “Ninety-two on Friday.” “Ninety-two! It doesn’t seem much use your going home ” “A wraith—a spectre!” replied the

HE WON THE BET Smith and Brown met in their club and after playing a few games, all to Brown’s benefit, Smith remarked to Brown: “ I’ll wager that I can wheel something in a wheelbarrow from one street lamp to the next and you can’t wheel it back.” Brown began to think of bags of cement, bricks, and old iron, but came to the conclusion that whatever Smith could wheel he could, and said so. So they borrowed a barrow and went to the nearest street lamp. Smith, getting hold of the handles, said to Brown: “ Get in.” WIPING IT CLEAN The village pub had caught fire, and firemen were playing their hoses on it. Soon one of the regulars appeared. “Do you think you will be able to save the pub?” he asked. “Sure to,” was the reply. “Well, how about playing the hose on the slate behind the door?”

WHAT SHE WOULD DO Boss: But if you don’t learn to write what will you do when you grow up? Girl: The same as you—have a stenographer. HIS BEST Magistrate: And when the riot started what did you do? Witness: I did my best, sir. Magistrate: What was that? Witness: I did a hundred yards in about ten seconds. HE DIDN’T KNOW Pete: My wife doesn’t understand me, does yours? John: Idon’t know. I’ve never even heard her mention your name. WHY HE WAITED P.C.: Why have you been sitting in vour car all this time? Motorist: I’m waiting for two gentlemen. P.C.: Who are they?

Motorist: The one who owns the car in front of me and the one who owns the car at the back.