SHOULD CLEVER WOMEN MARRY?

Waikato Times, Volume 124, Issue 20845, 1 July 1939, Page 18 (Supplement)

SHOULD CLEVER WOMEN MARRY?

THE DAY OF THE SWEET YOUNG THING IS GONE Should clever women marry ? This question, like so many others, has more than one answer to it, and all of them are different, and each contains a certain amount of truth. Here are some of them. A clever woman usually makes an unhappy wife—and sometimes an unhappy husband and unhappy children into the bargain. She expects too much, as a rule, partly because she is more imaginative than the average woman, more sensitive, and probably more egotistical as well. An emotional outlet is more of a necessity to her than it is to most women, and a person who is in continual need of an emotional outlet is seldom a restful influence in the house. If this type of woman marries an unimaginative man. he will probably, quite unintentionally, make her unhappy and she will frequently exasperate him. But perhaps, you may suggest, their union may result in nicely balanced children, less highly strung than mother, but not quite so stolid as father? Not at all. The chances are that the dear little creatures, under the influence of Nature’s well-known perversity, will reproduce, in exaggerated form, the extremes to which either parent is prone. That is to say, whilst some of them are alarmingly temperamental and fanciful, the others may be entirely devoid of either sensitiveness or imagination. And whatever they are like, they will suffer consciously or unconsciously from the state of nervous tension in which clever women appear to move and have their being. They will also quarrel violently amongst themselves, sooner or later, because an atmosphere of nervous tension does invariably lead to quarrels. So that it would almost appear wiser for clever women to content themselves with achievements other than domestic ones. It seems a poor look-out for the race if only stupid women are to be considered fit for marriage and motherhood. And how very dull for men, many of whom, nowadays, really prefer an intelligent companion to a silly one! Once, when I was a very young girl I went to a luncheon party at the house of a friend two or three years older than myself. She said to me afterwards:— A Disadvantage to be Thought Clever “ The man who sat next to me asked your name, and when I told him, he said: ‘ Isn’t she supposed to be clever? ’ But, of course,” added my loyal friend, “ I wasn’t going to give you away, so I said: ‘Not in the least.’ ” This is a perfectly true story. But it surely illustrates a point of view that is passing, if it has not actually passed already. The vogue of the sweet little things who couldn’t add two and two together except by counting on their fingers, and who didn’t understand railway guides, and stood helpless and alarmed if confronted with even a distant reference to the obscure mysteries on something vaguely called “business,” is now mercifully over. Probably it received its death-blow when the first woman-driver took hold of her steeringwheel. The Amelia Sedleys, I am afraid, made tiresome wives, although their husbands may at times have found reason to be thankful for so much lack of perception. But their tiresomeness as wives was surely as nothing compared with their devastating incompetence as mothers. Just imagine Amelia Sedley at forty-five, and then try and think of her as helping her children to develop into self-respecting human beings! Why, she would have sentimentalised over her sons until they left home and never returned, and tyrannised meekly over her daughters until they married the first man available in order to escape from her. And after that she would have been left tete-a-tete with her unfortunate husband, and a very dull time he would have had of it in the evenings after dinner. Life with Becky Sharp, who was a clever woman if ever there was one, could never have been dull, whatever else it might have been. Becky was by no means the best and most desirable type of clever woman, one is bound to admit, but surely she was preferable to Amelia, any day of the week. Of course, the answer to the whole question really hinges on our definition of the words “a clever woman.” To most men, and a good many women, “a clever woman” apparently denotes someone rather odd, unattractive, badly dressed, and strongly inclined to think herself superior to other people. In which case it would almost appear that the problem would solve itself, since, it seems unlikely that anybody of that kind would be asked in marriage at all. But if “a clever woman” simply means a woman of rather more u ai j-S; Verage she should presumably be better fitted for the difficult and complicated business of marriage than are most people. Personal relations are fairly important things in the lives of human beings, and it requires intelligence to adjust them satisfactorily. They loom larger for women than they do for men. Why, I have never quite understood. But in most marriages it is the woman upon -whom rests the main responsibility of the personal relationship between husband and wife, because she is much more conscious of it than he is. (This, of course, is all wrong—mothers should bring up their sons to share m this responsibility on equal terms. But that, at the moment, is irrelevant.) i “ a , < r lever woman” means one of quick perceptions with a mind clear-thinking and unsentimental, then her husband and children are probably luckier than most. A career, or marriage ? Why not both, say the sentimentalists. Few People are Capable of Holding Down Two Jobs Because very few people are capable of holding down, at one and the same moment, two full-time jobs. Men are never expected to do it. Women—clever women—very often are, and the result is usually a horrid muddle of mingled halfsuccess and whole-failure. Mind you, I’m not saying it isn’t, as likely as not, her own fault. A clever woman is very often one who tries to make the best of both worlds and we all know that there are few less profitable occupations. ■u 1 , re ar V. not man y men so broad-minded and unselfish that thev will take a wife s career seriously. The tradition that a woman should be economically dependent is a very ancient, as well as a very convement, one. To the average man’s way of thinking, a woman’s place will always be the home. A clever woman who has found congenial work will almost certainly have to choose, it she marries, between her work and her home, since to live in a state of continual conflict is not conducive cither to happiness or to efficiency. 1 r .. VVell ~these are a few answers to the question, and a great many others will no doubt present themselves to those who read. In reality it is a question to be answered by each individual, because no two cases can ever really be exactly alike. There are no golden rules where men, women—clever or otherwise—and marriage are concerned. 1 have heard it suggested that clever women are more often unnf/SRjia ? ar . r i! ed i th ? n ot hei-wise. They may be; but on the whole lam to think that they are only more aware of happiness or unthePv Tre f tha ? are ess a palytical minds. And I am quite sure that they are far, far more articulate about it! _ T scarcely be fair to refuse to commit myself to a definite personal opinion, so let me say that I can see no reason whv cleverness m a woman should be penalised. If a clever woman wants to mi t rr^\ an<lan u S to - have chlldren > sh e ought to be able to do so withVri S Vv klI1 i? her ha PP !ness an V than we all of us risk our happiness in embarking on these precarious adventures. P _ •? think . she should choose her man very, very carefullv A really stupid man is capable of driving a clever woman into a mental home with the best and kindest intentions. And a clever vi?e ha been known to dnve a stupid husband into the Divorce Court But it takes a very clever woman to realise that. 15111 —E. M. Delafield.