WIT AND HUMOUR

Waikato Times, Volume 123, Issue 20664, 26 November 1938, Page 25 (Supplement)

WIT AND HUMOUR

NOT SO WELL Brown: My dog has art trouble. Jones: You mean heart trouble. Brown: No, 1 mean art trouble. He swallowed a tube of paint and has been off colour ever since. WILLING TO WAIT “Three pounds a week!” exclaimed the agent. “Why at that rate it would take you 300 years to pay for this magnificent yacht.” “Oh, well, it’s worth it.” - • . . INFALLIBLE Smith (new to gardening) : Can you tell me a good way to grow a nice patch of grass? Jones (an old hand) : Yes. Lay a gravel path. QUITE PLAIN I “For the life of me I cannot under- | stand why my daughter wastes so j much time and money on her face,” remarked her father to a visitor, j “H'm!” exclaimed the visitor. “It's plain to see l” PIN MONEY? 1A Scotsman entered the post office and asked the postmaster for a six • penny postal order. The postmaster looked up at Mac and said : So you are going to have a go at the pools this week, Mae? Mac retorted: It is a pity that you can't mind your own business. Can t a man send money home to his wife without you asking questions ?

NO INTEREST “When were you born!” demanded the Magistrate. No reply. “Did you hear what I said?” came the question in angry tones. "When is your birthday?” "What do you care?" prunted the give me nothink, are you?” prisoner sulkily. “You ain't goin' to SUITED HIM Visitor: You mean to tell me that you’ve lived in this out-of-the-way village for over thirty years? I can't see what there is to keep you busy. Villager: No more can I. That's why 1 like it. MILK NOT CLEAN A small slum child was sent into the country to recuperate after an illness, and was ordered a glass of new milk every day to "feed him up.’ On the second day , however, he refused the milk, and when asked why he replied: "In London we gets our milk out of a nice clean bottle; dahn ’ere you gets it out of a dirty ’ole cowl” i NO SODA The new minister, on a round of visits, arrived at a farmhouse. He was asked if he would like something to drink —a cup of tea, perhaps? "No tea for me, thank you.” "Coffee, perhaps?” "No coffee for me. thank you.” The old farmer whispered "Whisky and soda?'' "No soda for me, thank you.”