WIT AND HUMOUR

Waikato Times, Volume 122, Issue 20464, 2 April 1938, Page 16 (Supplement)

WIT AND HUMOUR

SAFE Horace: If you loved me, why did you refuse me at first. Maudine: Just to see what you would do. Horace: But I might have rushed off without waiting for an explanation. Maudine: Hardly. I had the door locked. “ SORRY, MISS ” The boy was sniffing until the teacher could stand it no longer. Finally she rose from her desk and said pointedly: "Henry, have you no handkerchief?” “ Yes, ’m,” said Henry, “ but mother said I wasn’t to lend it.” AFFECTION “ I suppose your baby is very fond of you?” “ Fond of me.! Why, the raseal sleeps all day when I’m at work so ■that, he can stay up at night and enjoy my company.” SUSPICIOUS “Mrs Robinson has been telling me hair-raising stories about that newlymarried. couple who have come to live next door to her.” “ I don’t wonder. They have been there a month and nobody knows anything about them.” A GOOD TRADE “ Willie, I don't like that cur you brought home last week. I'll give you 5s if you'll get rid of him.” “ All right, papa! A deal is a deal.” Next day Willie asked his father for the ss. “ Here’s your money. How did you get rid of him?” asked papa. “ Why.” answered Willie. “ I just traded him to Jackie for three yellow puppies I” ONE TO COME One day Jock met a friend on the street. “ Come and dine with us tonight,” offered the friend graciously. "Thank you,” said Jock, "but wouldn't to-morrow night rlo Just as well?” “ Yes, certainly. But where are you dining to-night?” asked the friend graciously. "At your hou < se,” informed Jock. “ You see, your wife was good enough to give me' to-night’s invitation.”

OBVIOUSLY The fluent preacher had given a talk on heavenly crowns and how to get them. Turning to a lad who had been listening Intently, he asked, “ Now, James, who shall get the biggest crown?” Said James, with the light of lntelllfence in his eye: “ Him that’s got the biggest head.” HOW IT IS DONE “Ah I Tom, isn’t it delightful that we are to be married? With such love as ours, we can almost live on bread and water, can’t we, dear?” “ Easily, my pet,” answered Tom, with great emotion. “ You furnish the bread and I’ll skirmish around for the water.” SHAME I The Immigrant had finished his first month on a Canadian farm. “I’m quittin’, boss." he said. “ You promised me a steady Job.” “Well, It Is a steady Job, isn’t It?” said the farmer. “ No,” replied the man, with a wan smile, “ there’s at Ipast three hours in the middle of the niglit when I’ve nothing to do.” A SEAMAN’S YARN A sailor pounding on the door of a Chinese restaurant located on the waterfront, hears a voice inside saying: "’Elio! ’Elio!” Sailor: How are the chapces to eat? Chinese: You hungly? Sailor: Yeah. Chinese: You likee fish? Sailor: Sure. Chinese: Come back, Fliday. WILL USE HIS OWN When Henry Erskine succeeded Dundas as Lord Advocate, that witty politician offered to lend him his embroidered official gown, as he would not require it long. “ No,” replied Erskine in the same vein; “ I will not assume the abandoned habits of my predecessors!” AND EASIER ON THE CAT A landlord was showing a modernistic apartment to a prospective renter, who felt rather jocular. Prospect: Why, this isn’t very large. It's scarcely big enough to swing a cat around. Landlord: Perhaps it would be a good idea for you to change your hobby