WIT AMD HUMOUR

Waikato Times, Volume 118, Issue 19759, 14 December 1935, Page 16 (Supplement)

WIT AMD HUMOUR

JUST ONE MORE. "He’s frightfully mawkish.” ‘‘How so?" “Keeps on saying ‘Just one mawkish.’ ” THE THREAD. “Garn, Fred ain't a nime; It’s wot ver sew on buttons wlv. COULDN’T BE DONE. “Wake up, quick! Wake up.” “Can’t.” "Why not?" “I'm not sleeping.” INVITED. “Congratulate mo, Hilda,” announced Molly, entering her sister’s room. “Boh has asked me to marry him.” "Pooh 1 'That’s nothing," snorted her sister. "I've been asked lo set married at least a dozen times." “Yes, and 1 know who asked you,” retorted -Molly. "i Hi! Then name llicni." "Mollicr and fallicr." GOOD THIRSTS. II was a sultry day, and Hie two sailors had jusl been released from a but spell of duly aboard. Immediately fliey reaelicd shore I hey made a bee-line for Die first public-house they saw, and one of I hem ordered two quarts of ale. The men emptied (heir tankards in one draught, while llie barmaid looked ou in undisguised admiration.

The mail who had paid stood a second or two welling his lips meditalivdy, and I lien turned to his companion with a grin. “ 'Tain'L so had, Bill, is it?" ho remarked. “Shall we ’avis some?”

MISUNDERSTOOD. Small Roy (reading paper) : "Do you have to have a license for a bicycle now, dad?” Dad: "No. Why?" Small Boy: “Well, it says here a man was lined for peddling without a license.” TIIE ORDER. The blackmailer's accomplice had succeeded in getting the victim lo fall to tier, and the crook had managed to lake some photographs of them kissing. Going into tho office of his victim, lie throw half a dozen photographs on the desk and said: ‘‘l’ve learned that you’ve been making love to my wife, and here aro the proofs. What about it?” Tho oilier looked admiringly through the pile of photographs, then, Miming to the blackmailer, said: “I say they are good. I’ll have two enlargement's of each." BUSINESS BRISK. "Just leave It to me. It’s perfectly simple. I’ll fix It up before you can say Mack Robinson.’ ” Everyone knows the man who talks like this whenever a small household task wants doing—-such as mending a burst pipe or putting up a shelf. Robinson was like iliat, and when a stone came through one of the win-dow-panes lie said lie fell it would bo exlravagnnro lo call in the glazier. "I’ll do it myself," he announced. He took the measurements and went to buy | In: glass. "Guile a simple job,” asid (lie shopkeeper. ■ “You just pull out the old

glass, fit in the new, fill R with piillv, ami there you are.” An hour later Robinson presented himself once more at the shop. The proprietor greeted him with an air of bright efficiency. ‘Kamo size again, sJr, I suppose?” lie Inquired.

A DOUBLE MEANING. The boxer entered the fur department ol’ a largo store and fixed the assistant with an eye that showed ho was one who stood no nonsense. “I want a set of furs," he said. "A present for a friend." "Yes, sir," replied the assistant; any special kind?" "The dark brown set. In the window looks the sort of thing 1 want. It mustn't lie. lon expensive, though." The assistant followed his gaze. "Oh,” lie exclaimed, “you mean skunk 1" And when lie woke up lie found himself in hospital.

SETTLED. “That deaf and dumb couple on tho third floor had a terrible row last night, but my husband went up and put a stop to It.’’ What did he do?" “He put out the lights." COMPACT. Jones and his wife arrived at the seaside hoarding-house and were met by the landlady, who showed (hem to their room. "But," said Jones, gazing vacantly round, “you advertised a bed-sitting-room." “That’s right," said I lie landlady; "this is it." Jones looked puzzled. “Well," ho said, a little puzzled, "I can see tho bed, hut where’s the sitting-room?" “On the bed," the landlady replied.