WIT AND HUMOUR

Waikato Times, Volume 114, Issue 19125, 9 December 1933, Page 12 (Supplement)

WIT AND HUMOUR

HE WOULD BE. A young recruit Lad spent the morning firing at the range, and as he left he turned to the officer in charge and said, “ Do you know, sir, I sometimes feel that I should prefer to be shot myself, rather than shoot my fellow man." WIIAT HE WOULD SAY. Captain: Now suppose you aro on duty one dark night. Suddenly a person appears from behind and wraps two arms round you so that you can't use your ritle. What would you say? Cadet: Let go, honey. HIP LAST HEQUQEST. Guard (to prisoner about lo be electrocuted) : Have you any last words'? Prisoner: Yeah, I'd life to offer my seat to a lady.

A WAY OUT. “Now, mind, Tommy, you are not to go into the next door garden to play with Horace, lie is a rude boy." Tommy (a few minutes later) ; “Horace, my mother says I’m not to come into your garden, ’cos your’s rude. You could come into our garden—l ain’t rude." NO TICKETS. A small boy ran up to the inspector. “Mister," he said, in a low tone, “two men are on the train without tickets.” Off went the inspector, and searched the train without finding them. He returned to where the boy was standing. "Where are these men without tickets, my boy?” "On the, engine, mister." And the boy went For his life. MY HAT ! Motorist (after accident): “My poor boy. are you hurt?" Butcher's Bo\_: “No; but 1 can't find my liver." '

mmmmmwamam STOP POOLING. . A wife paid a surprise visit to her husband’s office, and, creeping up behind him, put her hands over h!s eyes, “Guess who it is?” she asked gleefully. >, " Stop fooling,” was the reply, ’ i “ and get on with those letters 1" ’ HIS COMPANION. A minister camo upon a member of his flock staggering home, and gave him a helping hand. Pressed to enter tho house, he demurred. “ Come awa'. man," ho was urged, ■ “ an’ let tho guid wife see what I’ve 1 been wl’ a’ nichtl” 1 ■ THE CROSS-EYED JUDGE. t _ ! 'Looking very hard at the first of the three prisoners lined up in the dock, the cross-eyed judge said: “ Your name, please." “ Pam Smith,” answered the. second man. “ Hold your tongue,” said the judge, “ l did ■ not address you.” “ I beg your pardon. my lord, hut I assure you 1 never opened my mouth," said the third prisoner."

I THE REASON WHY. “You’re afraid to fight, that’ll what It is I” “I ain’t. But my mother will, hammer me If I fight you." “How will she find out? Tell me that 1" “She’ll see the doctor cornin’ to your house.” NOT EMOTION. “ When the tourist returned foomt from abroad ho went down and kissed the floor of his native land." " Emotion ?’’ “No; banana-skin.” HELPFUL. Diner: Walter, I want some cWckea. The- younger It Is the better. Walter: How about an egg, sir? WONDERING. Barber; Don’t you believe me when I swear our love will last for ever ? Girl Friend: Sure I do. All I’m thinking is, how long Is “for ever” when a “permanent" lasts only Mx months.