WIT AMD HUMOUR

Waikato Times, Volume 113, Issue 18927, 22 April 1933, Page 12 (Supplement)

WIT AMD HUMOUR

WANTED A BOOK. “The farmer paid Pat with a £5 cheque, and told him to change It at the bank. A little later Pat came dasing up to the farmer and asked: “Where do 'they sell those little books, sir?" SHE HAD. TO GO HOME. He: Well, I must kiss you goodbye until to-morrow. She: No, George. I could not hold my breath so long, and, besides, I have to be home in a quarter of an hour’s time. ALWAYS IN TROUBLE. “I’d never call a hoy of mine Alias," said Mrs Jones to her neighbour, “not if I’d a hundred boys to name. Men by that name are always cutlin’ capers. Here’s alias Thompson, alias Jameson, alias Smith all bin took up for stealin’ ’’ ONE HEAD. '“There ought to’be only one head to every family,” deolared the afterdinner speaker. "That’s true,” replied a worriedlooking listener. "You agree with me, sir?” said the speaker. “I do," replied the man sadly. “I’ve just paid the bill for hats for my five daughters." RETALIATION. Mother to Tommy: “If you don’t be good I’ll call a policeman.’’ Tommy i “And if you do 111 tell him we’ve got no wireless license.” HE KNEW. Bill: “Are you a drawer, ’Erbert?” ’Erbert: “You mean am I a draughtsman?" Bill: "No, I don’t, ’cos I know you can’t play draughts. I mean can you draw?” A SURPRISE. Jones, appearing over garden wall: “Do you realise, Robinson, that you’ve been digging a hole In the back of my coal cellar?" Robinson: “Good gracious, no! And all those years I’ve been telling myself how lucky I am to have a coal mine in my garden!"

UNSETTLED. "Did you ever see anything so unsettled, as this weather?" “Weil, sir, there’s your bill.” AN ANGRY WIFE. "The last man I fought is in hospital,” said the heavy-weight boxer. “He’s got two black eyes, a broken jaw, a disclocated elbow, and several teeth missing.” "Good gracious I” said his friend “You must have punished him severely.” “Not me!” ejaculated the boxer. “He got that from his wife for keeping back her share of the purse.” WHY SHE REFUSED. She had just accepted him, and they were blissfully discussing the might-have-beens. “Darling,” he inquired in the tone of one who knows what the answer will be, “why didn’t you accept that little donkey of a fop, Joe Sinks?" “Because, dearest,” she answered dreamily. “I loved another." ' WANTED TO KNOW. The pale-faced man was having a consultation with his doctor. After the medical man had dingonised the trouble he turned a smiling faoe to his client. “Don’t worry, lsr,” he said. "Two years ago I was just in your condition, but I recovered.” The client brightened. “What doctor did you have?” he asked. HE KNEW. Elder Sister: There you are I That’s a tortoise. Little Brother: Yes, I know. They make its shell from the backs ofbrushes. DON’T BELIEVE IT. “I am told this house goes back to the Stuarts? “Well,, don’t believe it,” said the agent. "It is yours gor life when you’ve paid for it.” „ WHY THEY' ARE STEAMED. The old sea captain was explaining a trip across the Atlantlo to a fair young visitor. "Yes, miss,” he said. "We steamed about 20 knots when the weather was good.” The Fair One: “Oh, yes. I expect the reason you steam the knots is so that the sailors can untie them easily.”