Wit amid Humour

Waikato Times, Volume 111, Issue 18619, 23 April 1932, Page 12 (Supplement)

Wit amid Humour

EVIDENCE AGAINST HER. Mrs .lonks: "Don’t you think our neighbour’s daughter sings with a good deal of feeling?" Mr .looks: "Well. ha"dly. If she had an;, real feeling, she would'nt sink at all I" '

HIS HANDICAP. Widower: "You are the sixth girl In whom 1 have proposed without avail." The Girl: "Well, niajbe if ynii wear one when making your seventh I proposal, you 11 have better luck.'

WHY? Little Cohen was very slow at arithmetic, and tho mistress had particular difficulty in making him learn to subtract. “Look here,” she said, patiently, “if you had eight pennies Cohen, and lost three, how many would you have left?" Cohen thought for a minute. "But for vy," was his puzzled reply, “should I lose three pennies?" STILL IN THE BALANCE. There was a time,” said young Baheleigh, who had gone through a fortune, "when people used to say I had more money than brains, but they can’t say It now.” “Why not?" asked Pepprey. Because I m down to my last dollar now." “Well, but you’ve got the dollar."

EASY. “Daddy, how do you tell a lady worm from a gentleman wovin?" asked Bobby. "Easily," replied his parent. "The lady worm never signals when she turns."

A LITTLE OVERSIGHT. She: ‘‘l am so worried about the present I sent lo Aunt Matilda. Ii only cost two shillings and sixpence, and I'm al'-aid I left the price mark mi il " He : "I'm w oiTied. I no. I sot one for my uncle Ihal en»! ten pmimN: and I'm afraid 1 didn't leave the price mark on it.' 1

A REBUKE. “Yes, I began life without any shoes to my feet, and now I have half a million,’’ boasted the rich man proudly. “Great Scott 1 Who cleans '6m all?" asked one of his unwilling hearers. A QUICK CHANGE. “My word, darling," said he crossly, “you must think I am made of money." “1 wish you were, dear,” she responded, "then I could change you.” NOT QUITE SO BAD. Sybil: Yes. she said 1 was too ugly to get married. Gladys: The little beast 1 Still, that’s better than telling lies about you, Isn’t It? THE REST CURE. Mrs Brown (thoughtfully): "Why do so many women rest their chins on their hand's wl«m they are thinking?" Mr Brown (bored): “To keep their mouths shut so that they won't disturb themselves 1" HIS CO'/TINT. Stern Parent: “Willie, I'd like to go through one whole day without once scolding or punishing you." Willie: “Well, mother, you have inv consent.’ .II’ST WHY? A man. -accompanied by his wife, visited a tailo" to order a suit of dothes. Tiie couple disagreed over l the material and style of making, and the wife lost lice temper. •'Well." site said, turning away | ••please yourself; I suppose you are the one who will wear the clothes." • \Vcil. oPm'u cd the 1 1 1 1 -1 1 ■ n< i. meek- I ly. I didn't suppose you’d want to wear the coat and waistcoat." J

BORED. First Aotress: “Before I was halfway through, the audienoe was sitting there open-mouthed." Second Aotress: "Oh, nonsense I They never yawn all at once." COVERING HIS MISTAKES. Giles carefully approached the busy corner In his car. “Carefully, Henry.” ventured his wife. "Remember the brake Is on the right side—is it on the left—but don't " Henry began to panic. “For pity's sake, stop chattering," he cried. “I’m driving this car. Your job Is to smile at the policeman."