WIT AND HUMOUR

Waikato Times, Volume 108, Issue 18165, 1 November 1930, Page 14 (Supplement)

WIT AND HUMOUR

NATURALLY,

Wife (on their return from the party): Do you realise what you did? Husband: No, but I’ll admit that it was wrong. .What was it? HIS BIT. When a man and his wife go away for holidays with six trunks, the contents are usually the wife’s luggage and her husband's Sunday tie, TOO TRUE! He (before marriage): Darling, you are everything to me! She (after marriage): Yes—Cook, charwoman, valet, bootboy, waiter, nurse, and washerwoman I

HIS WORTH. “My son went West to make his fortune. \, “What is he worth now?" “Well, last month, the State was offering a thousand dollars for him.” FIXED. “John, what is this card of a turf commission agent doing in your pocket?” asked Mrs Henpecker severely. “Oh thatl Just a man who called at the office, dear, offering to returf the lawn.” TO MEMORY DEAR. Father w>as sitting in the armchair one evening, when his little son came in and showed him a new penknife, which he said he had found in the street. “Are you sure it was lost?” inquired the father. “Of course, it was lost! I saw the man looking for it,” replied the youngster. BALM IN GILEAD'. A blond flapper called at the hospital the day after the accident. “I want to see the young man who was injured .in the auto wreck last night.” . “Are you the girl who was with him" asked the nurse. “Yes,” w r as the reply, “and I thought it was only right to come and give him the kiss he was trying for.” FIRST SIGHT. “Yes,” observed the young woman to her friend, as they strolled along the pier, “it w'as another case of love at first sight.” ’ Her friend looked rather puzzled. “But that’s the first I’ve heard about it,” she mentioned. “What was it I lie first sight- of?” The other smiled. “His bank book,” was the reply. A GOOD REASON. Judge: If you had a clear conscience, why did you sneak out of the back door instead of going out Hie Iron I ? Accused: There was a policeman in front, sir-

EFFECTIVE. v. . “How did you like my “Slumber Song?”. Was it not very effective?” “Very. I went to sleep after the first verse." WAS IT YOU? I know a man who packed his bag, And put each darned thing in it. And trussed it up, and labelled it, And then forgot to bring it. ' COMPETITION. “Why have you come to prison?" “Competition brought me here.” . “Competition?” “Yes; - I made the same sort of bank notes as the Government.”

QUITE THE REVERSE. First Wag: What kind o’ dawg is that o’ yours, Bill? Is it a setter or a pointer? , Second Wag: Well, I don’t know; t’wife says it’s an upsetter an’ a disappointer. TOO PARTICULAR. Miss Prim: Yes, I know that book is a best seller. But is it pure and clean? Assistant: Well, ma’am, the hero's a white hope, the girl works at a soap factory, and her mother takes in washing. What more d’ye want? SUNSHINE IN THE REAR.. “It is the duty of every one to make at least one person happy during the Week,” said a Sunday school teacher. “Have you done so, Freddy?” “Yes," said Freddy promptly. “That’s right. What did you do?" “I went to see my aunt and she was happy when I went home.” TRUST MOTHER NATURE. “My husband is particularly liable to sea-sickness, captain,” said the woman. The skipper nodded. “I’ve heard of the complaint before, ma’am,” he said. “Could you tell him what to do in case of an attack?” asked the woman. “’Taint necessary ma’am,” replied the skipper. “He’ll do it.” VERY RASH. The club bore was on the warpath again. “Yes,” he drawled, "many are the wonderful holidays I’ve spent abroad, andTve had a good many adventures, too. While I was in America I hunted bear.” “Good heavens!” cried a youthful member, “but didn’t you get awfully cold?” GOO!) ADVICE. Husband: The potatoes are only half cooked. Bride: Then eat the half that is cooked.

OF COURSE. "How does it come about that you are in prison?" “Well, one must be somewhere!" THE HIT BACK. He was very hungry, so he pushed open the swing doors of the restaurant and entered. It was a rought illsmelling place, but he thought he would try a cup of coffee and something to eat. The waitress brought coffee In a thick, heavy cup. “Where’s the saucer?” inqqjred our fastidious friend. “We don’t give no saucers here,” replied the girl. “If we did, some ill-’ bred ignoramus would come blowing in, and drink out of his saucer, and we’d lose a lot of our swellist customers. THE CANNISTER A lady in the country gave a party, to which she invited a neighbouring farmer. During the evening she put a McCormack record on the gramophone. Afterwards her brother, of whose voice she was very proud, sang the same song. “Now',” said she to the farmer, “which of the two do you think best?” "Oh, begorra, ma’am," said ’• he, “with all due respects to you, I much prefer the lad in the canister.” % A NEW RECORD. There was a tremendous crash. Farmer .Jones, who was working in one of his cowsheds, rushed out into the farmyard, and looking up into a tree saw a small aeroplane lodged in the topmost branches. “What do you think you’re doing?" lie asked the airman, who had fortunately escaped injury, and was in the act of climbing down the tree. "“t was trying to create a new aii record," returned the other sadly. “And you’ve succeeded,” exclaimed tlie farmer. “You’re about the firs chap who lias climbed down a Ire without best elimb,ng up.”