WIT AID HUMOUR

Waikato Times, Volume 107, Issue 17916, 11 January 1930, Page 12 (Supplement)

WIT AID HUMOUR

HE DIDN’T LIKE IT. A very fat old gentleman rushed panting along the platform of a station only to see the train he wanted to catch glide swiftly away. Hot, annoyed, and out of breath, he retraced his steps. A porter greeted him cheerily—- “ Missed your train, sir?” “Oh, no,” was the reply with angry sarcasm, “I didn’t like the look of it, so I chased it out of the station—that was alii” i ADDING TO IT. Judge: I notice that, in addition to stealing this money, you took a quantity of valuable jewellery. ' Prisoner: Yes, sir; I was always taught that money .alone does not bring happiness.

SWIFT. Said a man of his tppist: At last Maudic’s speed leaves all others outclassed. But she said, “That’s enough," And she left in a huff When he called her decidedly fasti SHAKESPEARE REVISED.

Teacher: What, did Juliet say when she met Romeo in the balcony? Pupil: Couldn't you get seats in the —•vh.tLst.rn,?

CARRIED A SPARE. “I’ve changed my mind.’’ “Does the new one work any better?” , . THE LAST RESORT. The writer was desperate. At any rate, it sounded like it when he said “I’m going: for a walk round the cemetery to look for a plot.” APT. Waiter: Are you the fried flounder, sir? .. . Customer: No, I’m the poor lonely sole with an empty plaice, and I’m waiting for something to fillet.” A MARVEL. Madge: What do you think of a man who is constantly deceiving his wife ? Jack: He’s a marvel.

LITERALLY. He: Brown took me for a run in his, car yesterday. She: Oh, indeed. And what' sort of a time did you have? He: Oh, rattlin’. NO WONDER. Vicar’s Wife: I’m afraid I offended our grocer; he’s so very sensitive. Friend: What did you do? Vicar’s Wife: I was organising a concert for the children, and I asked him i.c he’d take nart as the Sandman.

QUITE CARRIED AWAY. “Good morning, Mrs Murphy,” said her friend, Mrs O’Reilly. “I’ve bin wonderin' I ain’t seen yore ole man lately? Wot took ’im orf?” “A seizure I” was the reply. “Dear, dear—you never says? Wot was it—’eart?” “No, luv—police 1" SUGGESTIVE. Vegetarian: Yesl Ever since I have given up meat I have had a desire to attain greater heights—to climb — Friend: And look for nuts, I suppose. THE ANNIVERSARY. Tramp: Have you a pieoe of cake, lady, to give a poor man who hasn’t had a bite for two days? “Cake? Isn’t, bread good enough for you?” “■Ordinarily, yes, maam, but this is my birthday.” NO WORRY. Motor Cyclist (to. rider he has caught up) : I say, the young lady has fallen off your pillion seat! “•Oh, thanks," was the reply. “I’ll get another at Nottingham.” REAL SYMPATHY. Actor (after his first Aim): It is wonderful to see oneself on the screen.

Manager : Yes, now you know what the audience has to put up with.

A SURE SIGN. Mabel: What makes you say Dick doesn’t love you as much as he did? Freda: After he’d said good night for the last time he didn’t come back to kiss ma.