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Waikato Times, Volume 103, Issue 17412, 26 May 1928, Page 18 (Supplement)

wisdometteS. The perfect husband always belongs to another woman. A man hardly ever realises his worth until he is sued for breach of promise. The real hero of many a novel is the man who undertakes to publish it. The more a man tells a woman he loves her, the more he will have to keep it up. The girl who thinks no man is good enough for her is quite surprised to find that men arc satisfied she should think so. NOT CONCLUSIVE. Nervous Old Gentleman: "Are you sure these lifebelts arc all cork?" Shopman: "Certainly, sir. ' They're the very best make. We've sold hundreds and never had a complaint."' Nervous Old Gentleman: "Ah! yes, no doubt. But then dead men tell no tales 1" SUCH FINE LEGS, TOO! Tommy (who has just been given a bulldog pup for a birthday present) : "Oh, mother, do you thing Toby ought to be so near the fire? Just look at his legs; it's warning Ihem!" COLD COMFORT. Smith, travelling in the tropics, has been warned against bathing where there are alligators, but has found a spot where the natives assure him there is none, and is enjoying a good swim from a boat. Smith (treading water for a moment) : "How do you know there are no alligators here?" Native boatman: (confidently): "Well, you see, sir, the alligators are so terribly frightened of the sharks."

WHAT ALL OF US WOULD LIKE

Old Lady on the 'bus: "Now, don't rorgel, conductor, I want the Bank of England." . Conductor: "All right, Ma'am! (Aside) She doesn't want much, does she?" ROUGH JUSTICE. The Bailie (in a Highland police court): "Now, Donald, I'm only going to fine you half a crown this time, because the charge again yon is not very clearly proved. But, mind, if ever you come before me again you won'l get off under five shillings, proved or not proved!" THE POINT OF VIEW. Husband—lf you hadn't taken so long to get ready, we shouldn't have missed that train. Wife—Yes, and if you hadn't hurried me so, we shouldn't have had so long to wait for the next one.

THE POINT OF VIEW. Tompkins (by the fire at home, reading his paper) : "Channel Tunnel scheme thrown out again. And a good job too!. Most unpatriotic. We'll keep Britain an island in spite of them!" The same Tompkins (crossing the Channel in a gale the. following summer) : "That Channel Tunnel idea wasn't a bad one. Good deal of sense in it. Go right through by train. English so backward in this kind of thing."

Orator: " Sooner or later, my friends, Mr. Coates will have to listen to the ' vox populi.' " . .. Son of Toil: "Come on, 'AIT. 'E's only advertising one of them new loud speakers." ____„«____._«»«-——-—-——

VERY SUITABLE

"Professor," said the college visitor, "I have made my pile, and I want lo do something for my old Alma Mater. I wish I could remember what studies I excelled in and 1 —" "In my class you slept, most of the lime." "Oh, well, in that case, I'll endow a dormitory."

FORCE OF HABIT. A kind-hearted mistress was writing a letter at the dictation of her maid, who was rather a poor hand a that sort of thing. At the end she asked: "Is there anything more you wish me to say?" "No, Mum. thank you, Mum," was the reply. "Only: Please excuse bad writing and spelling!"