THE WATERWAY OF THE WAIKATO.

Waikato Times, Volume 102, Issue 17284, 21 December 1927, Page 13 (Supplement)

THE WATERWAY OF THE WAIKATO.

" pjHRISTMAS is coming ! " shrieks a headline. I .suspect that the writer, while hurrying to pay his hotel bill has been saluted by the porter. JJURGLARS at a house in the south stole a hundred threepenny bits. It seems as though they had decided to tarn over a new leaf and go to church regularly.

rpHE doctor who remarked that ordinarily abstemious people eat to excess on their holidays has been inundated with applications for the address of their boarding-house.

iA' GIRL in Toronto has hair ten feet long and is being tempted lo have it shingled. So look out for news of another record Canadian crop ! "VTEyV air liners arc to be provided with baths. Up to the present an aeroplane has been the one place where one could not get into hot water !

A LADY was recently seen knitting in the front row of a Hamilton dress circle. It is understood that after the performance' she dropped a row of valuable purls.

TT has been estimated that a Thames bargee has a vocabulary of only 300 words. It is high time these people were taught golf. T MET the supreme killjoy last week. " Let me see," he grunted angrily. " Isn't Christmas Day on the 25th this year ? " |A N Auckland postman has declined to deliver at a house where they keep Alsatians. He seems entirely to have overlooked the fact that a dog is entitled by law to its first bite. [ \ MOTORIST stated In court that he had been driving twelve years and had not run down a single person. A single person no doubt shows more alacrity in leaping aside than a married one does. f A MONG a party of convicts proceeding by train to the Waikeria Prison one \vas_ carrying a banjo. There was nothing to suggest why the others had been convicted.

!A' PHILOSOPHIC writer declares that all good things spring from work. I do it myself, when I see it coming ! A CERTAIN young lady who came in contact with the law is to celebrate her release from prison by giving a. dance. I suppose it will be called a "comine-rmt" hall

'A N Aberdonian recently played golf continuously for fourteen hours. It is assumed that the green fees at that particular club are charged, not by the round, but so much a day.

•THERE is nothing more stupid than false economy, says a writer. This should be a warning to any young man who is thinking of getting married in order to earn the income tax rebate.

"TTTHAT is the most suspicious age • ' of woman ? " Personally, I am always most suspicious when she owns to twenty-nine. \\TE are told that two people can live on five shillings' worth of food a week. No doubt true, but the snag is that they'll probably have to pay fivo nnnnHc -fnr it.

'AT a French wedding one of the company was stabbed by the bride with a table knife. Generally speaking, however, it is still, considered bad form for the bride to cut her guests.

" (CALLING up a friend by wireless will soon be as easy as calling h'rm up by telephone. " The only difference will be that instead of getting the wrong number we shall get the wrone wave-length.

r A' NEW dance is called the chicken trot. One advantage of this is that it can be best performed when the floor is perfectly fowl. SIGNOR MUSSOLINI is reported as saying that he drinks a glass of milk three times a day. It therefore looks as though there must be something in it I

"DY-'a new device a telephone user is able to have both hands free. But if he tries to strangle the darned thing he will only succeed in hurting himself.

TT must be assumed that the prime motive of the famous new Condiment Club is to emphasise the Must in Mustard. (XNE sad result of greyhound racing is that many young people who previously only went to the pictures are now going to the dogs. f A ' DOCTOR tells us that we are getting round-shouldered and that we should practice holding our heads back. Unfortunately the asparagus season has just concluded. TtTR J. L. BAIRD, the inventor of the televisor, says that§ different faces have different sounds. I have noticed this frequently at the table. I could also mention several which undoubtedly strike the wrong note. rpHE police, we are told by the Commissioner, simply hate being tipped.. One should therefore not jump to false conclusions when one sees them taking notes.

(~)UR older hotels have recently been condemned as obsolete, but they can at least claim to be up to date in their charges. TN deference to the opinion expressed by a divine that every woman ought to clothe herself, a certain young lady of fashion is reported to have purchased a silkworm.

TY-VNCING promote.? a friendly feeling," says a broadminded vicar. But evidently he hasn't yet experimented in a crowded parish hall withthe Charleston.

'ATa recent seaside concert a tenor was arrested just after he had finished his song. It appears that he had threatened to given an encore. •A TRAVELLER tells us that when an Albanian shakes his head he means yes. A New Zealand woman, on the other hand, frequently means "Ask me again."

/~)NE of the Christchurch beaches has been reserved as a woman's bathing place for the winter. It would appear that. some of our girls are going quite dippy.