THE SEAMY SIDE.

Waikato Times, Volume 101, Issue 16946, 8 November 1926, Page 5

THE SEAMY SIDE.

TALES TO MAGISTRATE THE INNOCENTS ABROAD. v ßy R. E. Corder in the London Daily Mail.) Sometimes a police court ceases to be a stern tribunal for the trial of dangerous criminals and becomes a sort of juidcial kindergarten for the correction of trivial lapses. Yesterday at Marylebone Police Court, for instance, the majority of offenders had merely been naughty. And the queer part was that almost every one pleaded “not guilty.” Mr Hay Ilalkett, the magistrate, looked at the clerk, and the clerk looked at the magistrate. “An epidemic of innocence.” said the magistrate. “Quite,” agreed the clerk. “Have they all been in the same cell?” inquired the magistrate of the inspector in charge “No, sir,” said the inspector in charge. “They have had separate cells.” “Strange,” commented the magistrate. “Nobody seems to have done anything this morning.” And so it was. There could not be so much innocence as filled the’dock at Marlebone Police Court yesterday. * * * • First we had a drunk and deaf case in which the principal part was played by an elderly man blessed with a silent ear. The ear was silent against sin. Whispers of evil, trumpet calls to crime had no effect on the deaf ear. Police Constable 2SO F, at the request of the magistrate, entered the dock, and with a loud-speak-ing voice endeavoured to broadcast the nows that the deaf man had been drunk and incapable. The old man leaned on the officer and remarked encouragingly: "I can hear part of what you say.” Stimulated by the smiles of his colleagues, the young policeman made a megaphone of his hands and ' began to repeat himself, when the old man peevishly remarked: “That's enough. You took away my bottle of methylated spirit and I wanted it for the blow-pipe. I am a blower.” “Ah,” observed the magistrate, “methylated spirit. That means a week’s remand for you, my man, and a doctor’s report.” * * * * Of course the magistrate was right. Methylalod spirit is not a drink; it is dope. Chemists have coloured it, flavoured it. labelled it. and charged for it until it resembled one of those poisons that make a Borgia banquet something to dream about in the next world. But the consumer beifts the scientist, and “two methylated and a Spanish wine split" lias become the very tipple of the drinking classes. The more a paternal Government makes methylated spirit obnoxious the more the drinkers find palatable antidotes. In the United Stales the Prohibition officials have deliberately put poison into methylated spirit, and just as deliberately the bootleggers’ chemists have extracted the poison. There the victims die; here they merely lie. * ★ * +

Edward- the unsteady, arrived outside a police station in Harrow Road, and began to walk along a tight rope that wasn't there. "What, are you doing?” inquired' a curious constable,

! who came out of the police station to take the air. “Hush,” said Edward, balancing himself delicately. “This is the ‘ worst part.” i “You had better come inside.” advised the constable; “it’s safer.” And Edward wont inside and immediately inquired for an officer who •was responsible for his being fined 7s I Gd at West Loudon Police Court. | Edward's questions and explana- ! tions were so confusing that he was put back for the arrival of the police reinforcements. j " * * j John,-a tall clerk from. Watford, j was having an evening out in Hampstead Hoad, and waiting for a train home lie chatted about old times in ! Flanders with a constable who had | spent several winters in the highly frequented locality during the war season. So much the constable adi mi tied, but, said he, John the clerk j afterwards introduced himself to a married woman, who indignantly denied that she was Mademoiselle from Armenlieres. John the clerk denied in his turn that lie had made overtures to the woman, whom he respectfully described as “an old lady." The magistrate, being obviously puzzled, adjourned the case for further evidence. Two bath buns and a rock cake, price threepence, brought Harold and Joseph to the dock. Thomas, a baker’s roundsman serving bread and buns in llighgato . Road, had been of Harold and Joseph and their two companions, and looking | through a window from the third floor of residential flats he saw his j buns and rock cake taken from the cart. Like a tigress deprived of its young, Thomas dashed downstairs i and, giving the war-criy of the confectioners, discovered a constable round the corner, and lie, giving chase, caught Harold and Joseph, who, however, failed to divulge a crumb of evidence. Mr Hay Ilalkett, learning that both young men were on the dole, remanded them for a week in custody to teach them a lesson. Whether it be the influence of the modern drama or a natural gi'>may he a matter for argument, but the fact remains that young women of today arc experts in the use of strong language. Mr Clarke Hall, the magistrate at Old Street Police Court, is lrankly dismayed at ihis development of the eternal feminine. Millay Ilalkett is not easily shocked, but even lie winced at the response oi a. young married woman (o bis request for a specimen of the bad language said to have been used by i a woman neighbour. “Seems to he a case for a caution,” said tire magistrate to the warrant officer, who, being an expert in these things, cordially agreed.

Another wife seeking a separation order against her husband for persistent cruelty said lie had hit ■ her twice since July because she had been unfaithful to him. “He lias done live same thing, so why worry?” urged the wife.

“Only the woman benefits, and there is no remedy for the man in this one-sided Act,” said the magistrate, referring to the Guardianship of Children Act. The man bad obtained a separation from his wife with the custody of the child, but, recognising that his wife was an excellent

mother, he allowed her to keep the child. She now refused to let him see it; and the magistrate, under the law, could make no order permitting the father to see his own child. It is by no means the only case where British law pampers the woman.