THE SEAMY SIDE.

Waikato Times, Volume 99, Issue 16634, 27 October 1925, Page 9

THE SEAMY SIDE.

TALES TOLD TO MAGISTRATE

THE MAN FROM YORKSHIRE

(By R. E. Corder in London Daily Mail.)

Seated in his high desk in Clerkenwcll Police Court, Mr Arthur E. Gill, the magistrate, watches the progress of every case that comes before him with the rigid intentness of a chessplayer following, the slowly evolving phases of a game. From him applications receive as much concentrated thought as charges, and the man or woman to whom he grants a summons generally leaves the court with an air of having won through au ordeal.

A little man with cadaverous cheeks and eyes brimful of trouble timidly complained of alarmingly aggressive conduct on the part of a burly neighbour. Mr. Gill asked what all the trouble was about. "I don't quite know, sir," was the perplexed reply. "I only know he comes round to my place and wants to fight, me—and I don't want, to fight him sir!" , , Mr. Gill learned the alleged thrent was made early in the week. "Why didn't you come here yesterday? ' he inquired. "I forgot all about it, sir."

Forgot all about it?" Mr. Gill repeated'slowly. "Then surely you can't be very much afraid of this man?" "Oh, but, indeed 1 am, sir," the little man urged emphatically. Mr. Gill looked up and down. "Very well," he said at length. "Take a summons."

"Both eyes discoloured, sir," a police officer announced laconically as he led a young woman to the witnessbox. In her arms was a baby who at brief intervals loudly ejaculated "Daddad!" as its gaze fell upon one embarrassed man after another.

"If you please, sir," said the halfblinded mother, "I had just come home from a holiday trip, when my husband went for me and did this" —and she tenderly touched a closed, blue, swollen eye.

"Why should he do that?" asked the magistrate. "1 went to Deal, sair," said the woman. i

Mr Gill put his hand to his ear "Against his will?"

"No. sir. t said I went to Deal." "Dad-dad!" lilted the baby, making a playful lurch towards a court official who was busy among a pile of papers. "And when 1 got home he smashed into me," the mother resumed. "He didn't like it because when 1 was away I wrote to my sister before I wrote to him. lie said 1 ought to have written to him first."

She got her summons —and a resounding kiss from the baby.

A Yorkshireman seemed tremendously puzzled at finding himself in the dock. "A knaw A was droonk," he agreed, "ay, but A didn't think the policeman was goin' to arrest me. When A saw him A said, 'Pardon me, sir, can you direct me home'." And the policeman, he says: 'A'll show you the way hoam,' and he took me to the police-station and locked me oop!" "Where do you come from?" Mr Gill questioned.

"A cum from Yarkshire," was the reply. "On a trip?"—"Naw, sir, A go about the country doln' engravin' jobs. And, sif!" he added fervently, "A was quite able to walk, truly—but A couldn't find ma way hoam, y'sce." He was told to find 10s.

The whole court shrank from the loquacity of a woman whose protestations of innocence swept away the voices of magistrate, clerk, usher, and police officers, who in weary turn sought lo silence her.

"I'm here alone." she declared, with a loss of her head which set the | highly coloured (lowers in lief hat nodding as though in a violent wind, "and I've sot to look after myself." full of indignation she stood and condemned "a/ wicked stories" the statements of a licensee and a barman that she had refused to pay for a ulass of stout and a ginger-and-beer which she had ordered Tor "a gentleman named 'Arry." She confessed, however, thai she had "accidentally" poked her umbrella through two panes of plate-glass in Ihe public house door. "The landlord trussed me up like a chicken, though, sir," she explained, "and I was thrown into Iho gutter like ~ ( i 0 —emptied out in the gutter like a pail of water!" As for hurling her glass of stout at the barman and smashing two other glasses, "indeed 1 never did!" " 'Arry," she maintained, invited her |o "have one" and ordered the drinks. •■And. mark you. sir, the barman snatched my drink away and smashed the glass on the counter like this"ami she banged the dock-rail with tier (Ist. "Oh. do he quiet," the magistral!' pleaded. "Ask the witness any questions if you want In do so." "1 am asking you questions,'' insistled thi' woman. "No, you're not!" Mr Gill snapped. his patience failing at last. "You're | merely rambling on !" Her part in the bar-drama cost her ■JOs. and the bill for breaking the glass was i:i. "How much altogether?" she whislierctl lo the gaoler as she went mil. "rive ponds? Phew. . .!"