Wit and humour

Waikato Times, Volume 93, Issue 15311, 11 August 1923, Page 14 (Supplement)

Wit and humour

A little nonsense now and then Is relished t> y the wisest men. To be conscious that you are ignorant is a great step towards knowledge. • * w The man who knows so much that no one can tell him anything does not get far. • * * Don’t rest on your laurels; they’re fine on your forehead, but they make a poor mattress. * * * If you have only ambition' and no energy, you will get about as far as a locomotive without steam. • * * Men were deceivers ever; unfortunately they usually deceive themselves when there is question of a woman. » • • Waiting for something to turn up and turning something up while you wit makes the difference between a dreamer and a schemer. • * * * - WOULD IT BE RIGHT? He was wandering around aimlessly at the charity bazaar,- dragged thither by his wife. Suddenly ho was attacked by one of the local celebrities and asked to buy a rather extensive bouquet of flowers. “Won’t you buy this to present to the lady you love?" asked the sales lady. He answered ponderously, “Do you think that would be quite right? I am married.” * * * * SATISFIED AMBITION. The passengers in the smoking compartment chatted on many subjects,' finally reaching "Ambition.” “Yes,' gentlemen," said one, “real ambition starts in childhood. And if we obey its impulse we not only attain it, but actually we go beyond our wildest dreams. Look at me. In my boyhood I was anxious to become a pirate. To-day"—he gazed proudly round the compartment—“l run a successful hotel.” • * * • DON’T MENTION IT. Lecturer (to one-man audience): I must thank you, sir, for your interest in my lecture, and I am afraid I must apologise for taking up a great deal of your time. Audience: That’s all right, zur; I be engaged by the hour. Lecturer: Engaged lay the hour? Audience: Yes, zur; Ibe the cabman what drove you up to this ’ere ’all from the station. UNDER THE RIGHT HEADING. Rev. Dr. Ilowley: My dear sir, I am a minister of the gospel,; and, as I intend preaching a sermon against the stage, I thought I would ask you for a ticket of admission to your show in order that I might see for myself the extent of this great immorality. Manager (to ticket-seller): Charlie, give the doctor # seat in the orchestra, and charge it to advertising.” FORGETFUL. The most forgetful man on record has turned up at a Sydney funeral. While the mourners were turning sorrowfully away from the graveside, he turned to the man beside him, and said; “I think hefore I go back to town I’ll call in and see if Robinson is ill.” ' “Sssli!” whispered the companion, shocked. “Why, man,; this is Robinson’s funeral I” “Good heavens!” said the absentminded one. “I was wondering why he wasn’t at the office this morning!” ,—:“Aussie.” BUSINESS CAPACITY. A native of Forfarshire was sentenced to a day's imprisonment in Perth Gaol with the option of a fine of half a crown. Knowing ho had business to transact in Perth, he decided to go to prison, but on arriving there he altered his mind, and paid the fine. He then claimed his expenses for the return journey—Bs. 8J. —which the officials were obliged to pay, did a good day’s business, and returned home with 2jd in his pocket.