THE "HEATHEN CHINEE."

Waikato Times, Volume XXXI, Issue 2528, 22 September 1888, Page 2 (Supplement)

THE "HEATHEN CHINEE."

A Lady's Opinion Of Him

" Ocii don't bo talluu " (s'ivs Mrs Dulge, the editor of the St. Nicholas Ma>rnziue, us quoted by Murk Twain in his library of Hulbur.) "Is it hmvl.l on, yo siy ? An didn't I howld on till th« heart of me wim nlnne brok eniirely, und me wa«iiti' that thin you could clutch mo wid your two hand.-. To think o , mo loilin' liko a nager for the six your I've been in Ameriky—bud luok to the dny I iver left the owld coimthry, to be bato by the likes o' them ! (faix and I'll ait down when I'm ready, so I will, Ann Ryan, nu , ye'd better be listenin' thun drawio' your remarks) —an' its meself, with tive good characters from respoctablo places, would be herdin' wid the haythins. The saints forgive me, but I'd be buried alive suon'n put up wid it a day longer. Sure an' I was a granehorn not to bo lavin' at 'onct when the missus kim into me kitchen wid her palaaver about the new waiter-man which wis brought out from Californey.

" He'll bo here the night," says she " an', Kitty, it's meself looks to you to be kind and patient wid him, for he's a furriner. says she, a kind o' lookin off. "Sure, an'its little I'll hinder nor interfure wid him nor any other, mum," says I, a kind o' stiff, for I minded me how these French waiters, wid their paper collars and brass rings on their fingers, isn't company for no gurril brought up dacint and honest, Onh! eorra a bit I knew what was oomin' till the missus wulked into me kitchen smilin', an' say*, " Hore's Fing Wing, Kitty, and you'll have too much since to mind his bein' a little strange." Wid that she shoots thsdoore; and I, misthrusting if I was tidied up sufficient for mo fine buy wid his paper collar, looks up and—Holy Fathors! may I never breathe another breath, there stood a rayle haythin Chineser a grinnin' like he'd just come off ii tay-box. If you'd belave me, the craythr was that yeller it 'ud sicken you to see him ; and sorra stitch was on him but a black nightgown over his trousers and the front of his head shaved cleaner nor a copper biler, and a black tail a hanging down from behind, wid his two feet stuck into the heathenest shoes you evor set eyes on. Och ! but I was upstairs afore you could turn about, agivin' the missus warnin', and only stopt wid her by raisin' mo wages two dollars, and playdin' wi' me how it was a Christian duty to bear with haythins and taitch 'em all in our power—the saints save us ! Well, the ways and trials I had wid that Chineaer, Anu Ryan, I couldn't be tellin'. Not a blessed think could Ido but he'd be lookin' on wid his eyes cooked up'ard like two poomp-handles, an' he widdout a speck or a smitch of whiskers on him, and his finger-nails full a yard long. Bat it's dyin' you'd be to see the missus a larnin' him, end be grinnin' an' waggiu' his pigtnil (which was pieced out long wid some black stoof, the haythen chate!) and gettin' into her ways wonderfully quick, I don't deny, imitatin , that sharp, you'd be snurprised, and ketchin' and copyin' things the best of us will do a-hurried wid work, yet don't want comiu' to the knowledge of the family— bad luck to hire !

It is ate wid him ? Arrah, an' would I be sittin' wid a haythen and he aatin' wid drum-sticks —yea, an , atin' dogs an' cats unknownafc to me, I warrant you, which is the custom of them Chinese™, till the thought made me that sick I could die. An' didn't the crayter proffer to help me a wake ago come Tooaday, an , me a-foldiu' down me clane clothes for the ironin', an fill his haythen mouth wid water, an' aforo I could hinder squirrit it through his teeth atret over the best linen table-cloth, and fold it up tight an innercent as a baby, the dirty baste • But the worrest of all was the copyin' he'd been doin' till ye'd be distracted. It's yerailf knows tho tender feet that's on me ever since I've bin in this country. Well, owin' to that, I fell into the way o' slippin' me shoes off when I'd be settin' down to pale the praties or the liken o ' that, and do ye mind, that haythin would do the same thing after tne whiniver the missus set him palin' apples or tomaterses. The saiuts in heaven couldn't have made him belave he cud kape the shoes on him when he'd be payling anything. Did I lave for that ? Faix, an' didn't he get me into trouble with my missus, the hiythin ? You'ro aware yernelf how the boondles comin' from the grocery often contains more'n'll go into anything dacentiy. So for that matter, I'd now and then take out a sup o' sugar, or flour, or tay, an' wrap it in paper and put it in me bit of a box tucked under tho ironin' blankit tho how it cuddent be bodderin' any one. Well, -what should it be, but this blessed Saturday morn the missue wi4 speakin' pleasant and respec'ful wid me in tho kitchen when the grocer boy comes in an' stands forenenst her with her boondles, an' she motions like to Ping Wing (which I never would call him by that name or any other but just haythin), she motions to him, she does, for to take the boondles, an' empty out tho sugar an' what not where they belongs. If you'll believe, Ann Ryan, what did that blatherin' Chineser do but take out a sup o' sugar, an' a han'ful o' tay, an' a bit o' chaze right afore the missus, wrap them into bits o' paper, an' I spacheless wid shurprise, an' he the next minute up wid tliß irouin' blankit and pullin , out me box wid a show o' being sly to put them in. Och, the Lord forgive nie, but I clutched it, and the missus saying, "Oh Kitty! , ' in a way that ud' curdle your blood. " He's a hay thin nager," says I. "I've found you out," says she. " I'll arrest him," says I. "It's you ought to be arristed," says she. " You won't," says I. "I will," says she ; and so it went till she gave such s.iss as I cuddent take from no lady, an' I give her warnin' an' left that instant, an' she a-pointin' to the doore. ,, '