CLIPPINGS.

Waikato Times, Volume XXIII, Issue 1883, 31 July 1884, Page 4

CLIPPINGS.

The cholera is still raging in France, but it does not seem to be spreading. The general opinion is that it is not the Asiatic type. Two Sides to a Question. —Husband (in his bedroom) : ' What can be the matter with my razor that it won't cut ?' Wife (in the kitchen) : ' What can be the mutter with the old man ? He is always finding fault with his lazor. It is shaip enough ; I ought to know, as I peel my potatoes with it everyday,' At an auction sale the other day a marine view was being knocked down at a handsome figure, when a bluff sailor, who had happened to wander in, exclaimed, earnestly, 'My stars ! if there aint a vessel drifting on the rocks with a stiong breeze blowing off shore. 1 The artist took his woik home to reariange the wind. Particular to A Shvdk. — (The vicar's daughter has been distributing winter shawls amongst the poor). The youngest Miss Chaubaken — ' Please, miss, ma presents her compliments, and she's much erbliged for the orfer of this ere shawl ; but gicen don't suit 'cr complexion, and, if he(|tially convenient, she'd prefer a dolman, as she 'eais they're still worn.' At a martiage celebration, the bride was requested to sign her name in the register at the saciisty. Excitement caused her fingers to tremble ; she took the pen, signed, and made an enormous ink blot. ' Must Ido it over again ?' she blushingly asked her husband. ' No, I guess that will do, but 'Oh, don't scold me ! 1 will pay more attention next time.' ' In our o\\ n country.' said the English mau, as he leaned back in his chan, ' before we marry, we arrange to settle a certain sum upon the wife.' ' Yes, I know,' replied the Ameiican ; ' but witli us it is after they are married that a certain class settle everything on the wife and anange to beat their creditors.' ' lla, I see ! And how do the cieditois.' take it ?' ' They never find anything to take.' Dwarfs ox the I:\cjilvse. — An experienced showman says the gieatest ttouble with little people, or midgets, is that but few of them aie intelligent, and many of them brainless. A large number of the childien midgets on exhibition about the country aie repulsive monstrosities. But when a diminutive specimen of humanity is disco\ered who has a welldeveloped intellect he is indeed a lanty. Tom Thumb found himself a large man when compared with other mites during recent yeats. But he was one of the first ever exhibited, and his prestige gave him a lasting fame. Theie will never be another Tom Thumb. People have become so accustomed to curiosities, have seen so many little people, that mites, midgets, or dwarfs have ceased to cieate the great sensation they formerly did. Herb is a story told of Longfellow in the 'Critic' Heamig a domestic talking at the front door with a pei&on who seemed very much in earnest, he went into the hall and found an Englishman and his wife. 'She,' said the poet, 'was a thorough specimen of an English matron —stout, tall and substantial. He waswell, one of the real ten ier sort — in looks — and carried a silk umbrella, neatly covered, evidently intent on ' doing' this country in the shoi teat possible space of time. On seeing me he said (and the way in which the poet icpcated what followed is inimitable), ' Aw, Mr Longfellow, aw.' II — we— .supposed you had no ruins in this country, and 'aw, we thought we would (iff — like to sec — 'aw you !" At the Ait Show the other day a fat man with his hands under his coat tails stood before a painting, when one of two ladies who weie cnticising a landscape near by exclaimed: — "What exquisite Iniimony!' "And how perfect in detail !" added the other. The man utteied a giunt of dissatisfaction and turned round. " Observe tlie colouiing,' 1 continued the fiis.tl.uly. ' The fat man ie moved his spectacles and felt his nose. "And what a dunning perspective!" added the other. " lc&— exactly — exact !" growled the man as ho pocketed bis glasses and stai ted foi the door. "If I can't come in here without being lidiculed and bmlesqued I'll stay out! No true lady woidd make fun of a stiange gentleman in this way— ne\er." There seems to be good gioui.d for hoping for a much happier conditions of affairs m Ireland, in the near future. Tlie measure of lefonn in the law of laud teniue which Gladstone succeeded m passing two yeais back, in the face of the violent opposition of Pamelland his band of brainless patiiols, is beginning to have a very pronounced effect on the condition of the people. It is estimated that the reduction in rents this year will amount to $ 10, 000, 000. Thi& money will lemain in the hands of the masses, and will bring to them its equivalent in happiness and contentment. There are still numbers of reform measures wanted in Ireland, which would add to the happiness and contentment of the people, but they cannot be had because of the tin culent actions of the legislative fiaud and hjpocnte, who, in company with his associate^, votes, cveiy time his name is called, against lefonn and liberal piiuciples. The following remedies, for many simple ailments mo lccommended in Hall's Journal of Health -.—Half a teaspoonful of common table salt dissolved in a little cold water will constantly relieve heartburn or dyspepsia. If taken every morning befoie bieakfasfc, mci easing the quantity giadually to a teaspoonful ol salt and a tumbler of water, it it will, in a few days, cm c any ordinal y case of dyspepsia, if at the same time due attention be paid to diet. The is no better remedy than the above for constipatiou. As a gargle for a soio tlnoat it is equal to chloiite of potash, and is entirely safe, It may be used as often as desired, and if a little is swallowed each time it will have a beneficial effect on the throat by cleansing it and allaying the irritation. In doses of one to four teaspoonfuls in half a pint to pint of tepid water it acts promptly as an emetic, and stings of insects. It is a valuable astringent in hemorrhages, paiticularly for bleeding after the extracting of teeth. It has cleansing and healing propeities, and id, therefore, a most excellent application for supeificial ulcerations, A North Carolina husband, says the 'Overland Mail,' has brought a suit for divorce against his wife, claiming that she has been guilty of cruel and inhuman conduct towards him. He specially sets forth in his complaint that on one occasion she seized an ax-e and compelled him to climb a tree. Theieupon she began to cut down the tree, and obliged him to remain meanwhile in its branches by the threat of chopping off his foot in case he should try to climb down. In course of time the tree fell, and the husband, being severely injured, felt that the time had come for him to get rid of his tyrant. It is imposable (says the 'New York Times,' to feel much sympathy with a husband so utterly devoid of any ability to protect himself. When his wife began to cut down the tree, the obvious thing for him to do was suddently to drop on her back. She would have broken his fall, so that it would have done him no injury ; while on the other hand, the- concussion would have driven her some distance into the ground, and thus prevented her using her axe. ,It is no wonder that so dull a man was despired by his wife ; and, on the whole, she deserved credit as a sprightly and original variety of woman. Rats and Mice.— lf you wish to de stroy them get a packet of Hill's Magtc Vermin Killer in packets, (Id, Od, and Is, to be obtained of all storekeepers, or from T. B. Hill by enclosing an eictia stamp. Life in the Bush— Then and Now.— It is generally supposed that in the bush we have to put up with many discomforts and privations n the shape of food. Formerly it was so, but now, thanks to T. B. Hill, who has himself dweltSnfhe bush, if food does consist chiefly, of tinned' meats jjisColonxal Sauce gives to them a most idftj^cf able flavour, making, them as well »of the plainest fopd most enjoyable, and instead as bard biscuits and indigestible damper his Improved Colonial' Baking Powder makes* the very, best .bread, scones, cakes, and pastry far xupenorrand nsore" ' wholesome than yeast or leaven. Sold, by all storekeepers who can ob%W tt fa-Qw any merchant in. Auckland;