ECHOES FROM THE CAFE.

Waikato Times, Volume XV, Issue 1241, 12 June 1880, Page 3

ECHOES FROM THE CAFE.

We have hud a visit from a great man. He is great both mentally and physically — he preaches well, jhe lectures well, he was a brave officer, and he measures about fifty inches round the cheat. He delivered a V«ry interesting lecture last Thursday evening en the Indian mutiny. -I came down town with the intantion of going to hear him, but, as that wonderful spiritualistic lecturer. Mr Walker, used to say when a.«ked a question which he could not answer, "the conditions wasn't favorable/ A writer in the Church Gazette has coined a new word. He says that the bisbop stayed at the house of Mr , where clergymen visiting the district have always been kindly " hospitised." Earl Beaconsfield was accused of using a word, in one of the Bills sabmitted to the House of Commons, which was not in the English language. "Very well," he said, " we will make it an English word by putting it in an Act of Parliament." I suppose that putting a word in the Church Gazette will have the same effect, and that "hospitised" is now an English word. Mr Shrimski moved for a return showing how often our M.P.s had been absent from their places in the House. Mr Speight expressed his opinion that the more members were absent from the House the better it would be for the colony. Certainly, if all the members were of Mr Speight's calibre. Of conrse, Mr Speight was one of the nominees of tke Central Committee. So was that other gentleman who, when he was asked if he were in favor of Triennial Parliaments, replied that he was, as it would be a groat saving to the country if Parliament were to meet only once in three years. The name of Shrimski seems familiar to me. If I mistake not he is a relative of "Uncle" Neumagen, of this city, and is the gentleman (!) who, speaking of Her Most Gracious Majesty Queen Victoria, said, " Well ! hi think it's time the ole woman habdicated." At a wedding breakfast the other day, a gentleman drank the bride's health, and wished her many happy returns of the day. Very pleasant for the bride, no doubt, but rather rough on the bridegroom. I suppose that gentleman hoped to be "Number 2." One of the retail drapery establishments in Queen-street has posted a number of rules for the guidance of the assistants. The rules regulate the hours of business, meal hours, &c, &c. with the exception of the last rule, which is, "No kissing allowed in business hours." I believe that this rule was rendered necessary by one aged sinner being caught flagrante (h'lk'to. I forgot to mention in speaking of the Rev. (J. M. Pym, that it was he who carried " The flag that braved a thousand years the battle and the breeze" into Delhi, when our troops captured that city after the mutiny, and,, though our brave soldiers were falling like autumn leaves around him, he escaped scatheless, in spite of herculean proportions. I have seen a mermaid, and of all the hollow mockeries ever palmed off on a confiding British public, the mermaid is the hollowest. We have all seen pictures of the mermaid sitting on a rock, holding a mirror in which she sees the reflection of her beautiful face, and combing her luxuriant hair. The whole thing is a swindle, a delusion, and a snare. The mermaid is only nine or ten inches long, from the orown of its head to the end of its tail, the face is very like that of a very small, ugly brown baby ; the body is like that .of a fl-h ; on the crown of the head are a lot of small grey spikes, which give the appearance of a grey-headed baby ; there are no arms to hold a mirror before its ugly face or to comb out the hair it has not. I sincerely hope a sea-serpent will not be caught, as it will probibly prove as great a failure as the mermaid. The other day a gentleman went into a shop in Queen-street, to buy a hat. He told the pro; rietor that some one had exchanged hats with him, and asked if the hat was bought at his place, as it was lined with straw. The latter looked ineide and said, " This is an old straw hat which has been put inside your hat." The straw hat was pulled our, when the gentleman's own name was discovered on the lining. One of his own boys had been playing him a piactieal joke. The London Sporting Tune* appeared in mourning when the result of the general election was known, and the editor thus expressed his sonow; — "We mourn for the <lecj deuce of England's glory. We luourn for the downfall of the greatest Ministry this century has seen. We mourn for England's, dishonored name in every capital of Europe. We mourn fur all the publichouses closed every Sunday and .nearly every week-day. We mourn for that Baronetcy which has now eluded our grasp. Over the whiskey and water of Fleet-street, we sit down and weep, and hang up our pens in the Rifle Gallery." I hope it will be many a long day before the Editor of the Waikato Times will have to mourn over the fall of the Hall Ministry, ami his chance of being called to the Upper House ' ' gone from his gaze like a beautiful vision of the last rose of summer, blooming in the wintertime. The other day a gentleman well known as a supporter of the present Government went into the shop of a hair-dresser who is a rabid Greyite, and sat down to wait his turn. The hair-dresser, while operating on an elderly Scotchman, was recounting the virtues of Sir G. Grey, while the Scotchman was replying in monosyllables which might be taken for either assent or dissent. The hair-dresser thought they betokened assent, and thinking he had an ally, turned to the gentleman who was waiting, asking him if he did not admire Sir George Grey, well knowing what his answer would be. "No !" was the reply, "I think he is a confounded old humbug." "Eh ! mon," said the Scotchman "that is just my am opeenion." The Financial Statement has, on the whole, created a favourable impression, for though it shows the wretched state into which the Grey Ministry had allowed the finance to drift, it shows also, that the present Government is able and willing to place the colony in position to meet its engagements honourably, without the imposition of additional taxes, except the Beer Tax. The proposed alterations in the Property Tax, will, I believe, be' acceptable to everyone who objects to paying taxes directly, of whom I am one. I have no objection to paying through the tailor, grocer, &c. but I do not like to have to hand over so many sovereigns -(they we scarce articles now-a-days) in httAfltsb. 8o&B-time ago a young man arrived in Auckland with the intention of settling. Before leaving England he was engaged to be married to a young lady there, so, after he had made arrangements for starting in busings here, he wrote to her, asKing her to come out to be married to him. She did so, arriving by the last San Francisco mail, but, in the meantime, the young man has seen someone whom he preferred, and the consequence is that the young lady who came out to be married to him, found herself discarded. I will not say anything more on the subject at present, as, in all probability the matter will be brought before twelve "good men and true." Tbere lias been, great excitement here

during the last few days about a whale, which has come into (Auckland harbor, without the assistance of the pilot or asking permission of the Harbour Board. A. number of boat's crews have been endeavouring to capture the offender and make him contribute the amount of the pilot dues in oil, but up to the present time they have not been successful. All the old fossilised skippers on the Harbour Board, should be sent ont after the whale, and if he took them away to the South pole and then left them there it would be a good riddance. There was a near approach to a row in one of our auction marts the other day. A property was offered for sale and the auctioneer called out "£4O, £50, £60," when a gentleman asked the auctioneer who had made those bids. The auctioneer told him ii was none of his business, but he insisted that it was, as the sale had been advertised, which was tantamount to inviting the public, and that, therefore, everyone had a right to know whether the sale was a bona fldc one. The auctioneer then said that there was a reserve on the property. This sort of thing happened two or three times and then the people left in a body, not a single section having been sold. I think it is full time some alteration were made in the law relating to auction sales. St. Mungo.

The new Pure Cash System now being initiated by G. and C. will certainly prove a benefit to the public. It has been a great success in Sydney .and Melbourne, and when strictly carried out the customer who buys at an establishment where the goods are marked low to ensure a rapid sale must be a great gainer. G. and C. sell their drapery, millinary, and Clothing at such prices for cash as gives the bujcr the advantages of a shareholder in a co-operative society, without the risk of being called upon to bear a portion of the loss should the year's business prove unsatisfactory. Garlick and Cranwell will aim to retain the confidence which the public have hitherto shown them, and are detirmined to give the pure cash system a fair trial ; whether they gain or lose the first year. Country buyers on remitting cash with order will be supplied with goods at co-operative prices ; just the same as though they made a personal selection. Furnishing goods, such as carpetb, floor cloths, bedsteads, bedding, and general house furniture, the largest portion of which is turned out at our own factory, will be marked at the lowest remunerative prices, and a discount of five per cent, will be allowed to those who pay at the time of purchase. G. &C. having realised the entire value of their stock during their late cash sale, the present stock is ni>w and cheaply bought. An inspection is invited. — Garlick and Cranwell, City Hall Furnishing Arcade, Queenstrcct, Auckland.