A CASE OF IRISH DROLLERY.

Waikato Times, Volume III, Issue 167, 3 June 1873, Page 3

A CASE OF IRISH DROLLERY.

An amusing story is related of Dainesßarrington, an eminent jurist and recorder of Bristol. Having to appear for a plaintiff 1 in a case at Clonmel, 1 9 denounced the conduct of the defendant in unmensured terms. The individual inveighed against (a Ti|iperan m.vn named Foley), not being present, only lieaid o» the n vejti\e ; but jificr Barnngton got back to Dublin, he lost no time in pacing lm compliments, m genuine Tipj>crary tashion, to tiie coin, - I He rode all day and n-^it 'd, covered with sle^t, arn\ I early, m the morning befx 1 ' Birrmgtons re->iden -o in llarcouit-' •treet, Dublin. 'li.ro.uu,,' the bridle of his smoking horse I over the railing ol tun aiea, he announced his arrival by a thundering knock at the door. Bamugton's valet answered the summons, and, opening the street door, beheld the apparition of the rough-coated Tipperary fire-eater, with a laige ftick under bis arm, and a sleet sticking to his bushy wiiiikcrs " Is your master up ? " demanded the visitor, in a voice that n.ive some intimation of the object of his journoj "No," answered the man "Then give him my compliment*, and s n x Mr Foluj — | he'll know the name— will be glad to sac him " I The vulet wei t up ->tairs ani gave uisimnter, who was in bed, the early visitor's passage. " Then don't let Mr Foley in for jour life," said Barrington ; " ior it is not a hare or a brace oi ducks that lie has come to present me with." The man was leaving the bedroom when a rough wet coat pushed by him, while a thick voice bind, " By your leave," and at the same tune Fok\\ entered the bedroom. " You know my business, sir," said he to B.imngton ; " I have made a journey to teach you manners, and it's not my purpose to return until Ilnnc broken every bone i i )O ir body ;" and at the same time he cut a figure of eight with his shillelagq before the clieval glass. " You do not mean to say you would murder me in bed !" exclaimed Dames, who had as much humour as cool courage. " No," replied the other ; " but I'll throublo you to get up as soon as you can." " Yes," replied Dames, " in order that you might floor me the moment I put myself out of the blankets ! " " No," replied the other ; " I'll pledge you my word not to touch you until you are fairly out of bed." " You won't ! " " No." " Upon your honor? " " Upon my honor." " That is enough," said Dames, turning over and making himself comfortable, as though he meant to fall asleep. " I have the word of honor of an Irish gentleman, and may rest as safe as though I were under the protection of the Castle Guard." The Tipperary salamander looked marvellously astonished at the pretended sleeper ; but 90011 Dames began to snore. " Halloa! " said Foley, " aren't you going to get up ? " " Not I," said Dames, " I have the word of an Irish gentleman that he will not strike me in bed, and I am not going to get up to have my bones broken. I will never get up again. In the meantime, Mr Foley, if you should want your breakfast, ring the bell, and give your orders ; the best in the house is at your service. The morning paper will be here presently, but be sui c and air it before reading, for there is nothing a mnn so quickly catches cold from as reading a damp journal j " and Dames affce'ed to go to sleep. The Tip had fun in him too, as well as ferocity ; lie could j not resist the cunning of the counsel. " Get up, Mr Barnngton," said he, "lor m bed or out of bed, I have not the pluck to hurt so droll a heart." The result was, that in an liour^ afterwards Dames Barnngton and his intended mur- i derer were sitting down to a warm breakfast, the latter only intent on assaulting a dish of smoking mutton-chops. — Irishman.

A Railway Romance. — The latest advices from America announce that the Mexican Railway has been opened in its length of 300 miles from the city of Mexico to its seaport of Vera Cruz. Will any one write the history of the works ? We have often wished that roving engineers of literary tastes and dramatic sensibilities might beguile the leisure of their long evenings by giving the world an account of their adventures. What a ncli variety of sensational materials they might find in their personal experiences, now that railways run everywhere in advance of law, order, and civilisation. Possibly you are taking level* under the skies of Upper Egypt, among temples and crocodiles and cataracts, chattermgjellaheen, sand-drifts, simooms, and sweltering mud-banks. There, indeed, your life is comparatively safe, if, thanks to quinine, temperance, and a buoyant temperament, you may defy ennui and the risk of sunstroke and fever. It J9 somewhat different in the Caucasus should your talents have been enlisted into the service of the C/.ir of all the Russia". The noble aborigines of Circassia and Dughestan arc nearly as free with their daggers as thov used to be, and still hold faithfully to their old maxim, " 13c >-low to offend, swift to revenge." Almost as dangerous a lot in their waj, and a far rougher one,are the navvies engaged on their inter-oceanic railways of America : only there your people shoot or strike you from behind. It 19 possible, however, that the sense of common dangers and the sympathy of common sufferings may secure to you the lnndlv feelings of rude but not unkindly men. For ono and all of you work in weak outlying parties at the peril of surprise by flying columns of braves on the war trail, and the scalp-locks that once were dressed by Truefitt or Douglas may flutter from the t< % nt-pole of Pawnee or Apachee. Or you may be wounded to death by poisoned arrows shot from some ambush of Digger Indians Or you may perish of cold, or thirst, or hunger while tunnelling, arching, and embanking in the heights of Alloghanies or Sierra Nevada. Or you may be dragged into discussions on local politics in the hostelry of some mining inferno into the mountains where you have been forced to billet yourself, and the animated orator opposite may point his periods with a round of rapid discharges from his repeater. There may bo even more sustained tragedy in the more uniform incidents of some such undertaking as that of the railway from Darien to Panama, where you cut through jungles reeking with pestilence or drive your piles in morasses that are wrapped in a dense grey pall of noxious vapour Tl c rude crosses that mark the shallow resting places of your companions may rise as frequently along the line aa the more business-like boards that indicate the various levels, and the climate is always inexpressbly depressing if it does not positively Aill. If opium fumes transports the inhaler to a heaven of beatific visions, we suspect a course of jungle gases taken regularly must engender the concentrated essence of melancholy. — Pall Mall Gazelle. five tons. He further asserts that for five dollars he could supply fuel for furnaces that would (smelt «ne ton of ore every thirty minutes. It may be asked, has the world an available pHroleum supply equal to what would be required if this be<aTie the regular fuel for ocean steamers. If the oil region of the West be ever found insufficient as a source of supply, the highly bituminous soft coal of Nova Scotia is not likely soon to be exhausted, and the oil which can be abundantly and cheaply produced from it will burn at least as well as petroleum. The success of the oil or tar-burner, in the oil-works of the West, is so conspicuous, that it is proposed to invite an examination of scientilic men to report upon it, and sec if it cannot be brought into use on ocean steamers. " A soft, warm, pliable hand has great power." — Social Philosopher : It has. Such a one as the hand of Mrs Town Crier Applied to the ear, it is capable of inaugurating 0. hum which sweeps the diapason of resonance for many hours. A pair of boots wielded by those pliable paws will beat a tatoo upon an unprotected pate, which, has been repcaatedly mistaken by neighbours for a crash of crockery. Upon Master Town Crier, jun., & brief application of thai warm hand produces an elevation of t smperatun , to which contact with a glowing slove-ltd imparts an unpleasant chill. In fact, language exhibits ridiculous impotence when used to illustrate the " great nower lprking in a soft, warm, pliable hand," in the possession of a healthy frmale, at the extremity of a shapely and muscular arm — San Francisco News Letter.

Db. Bright's Phosphodynk. — Multitudes of people are hopelessly suffering from Dehihty, Nervous and Liver Complaints, Depression of Spirits, Delusions, Unfltness for Business or Study, Failure of Hearing, Sight, and Memory, Lassitude, Want of Power, &c, whoso cases admit of permanent oune by the new remedy Phosphodvne (Oxonic Owgen), whicli at onco nlla;\s all irritation and excitement, imparts new energy and life to the enfeebled c mititution, and rapidly cures every stage of the*e hitherto in umble ahd distressing maladies. Sold by all Chemists and Storekeepers througout the colonies, from whom pamphlets containing testimonials nwv be obtained — Caution: Be particular to ask for Dr. Unght's Phosphodyne as imitations are abroad, and nioid purchasing single bottles, the genuine article being sold in cases only. — Adv