THE IDLES.

Western Star, Issue 1291, 24 February 1897, Page 4

THE IDLES.

The "Western District trains have ]ongl)een the butt of the humorist. There is a huge board at the Riverton bridge, bearing the intelligence that speed has to be reduced to five miles an hour, and once it has been reduced travellers, who, like Munchausen, are very careful of their facts, say that it is with difficulty got up again between Riverton and the city. Be that as it may, I hear that a petition is going the rounds of the district which shevveth that something is wrong, and prayetE that it'be put right, when the hpra ble petitioners will ever remember with gratitude the man who ordered raore siteani to be put on.

But we are not the only people afflicted with slow trains. Certain railroads in the United States, particularly in thp South, are noted for being slow. A Western travelling man making a trip on these lines suffered a great deal of annoyance from this failing. He was travelling one afternoon on an exceptionally slow train, which* came Wa&|(sp Cyery now and then without any apparent cause. After expressing himself very audibly to the passengers, he resigned himself to the inevitable abided off into short naps, which vMM Inferrupted by the sundry jerks of the train, at which he complained. The passengers showed their annoyance aUtWCmfiplaints by angry looks. The conductor had excused the engineer in every possible way. The last apology hads\bCeij that’cattle obstructed the line. The train had started again, and had proceeded about ten minutes when it halted with ; a jerk. Up waked the impatient traveller and remarked : f Deaf, dear ! I suppose, conductor, this worse than slow train has struck another herd of cattle ?” « Struck another one, not much,” replied the conductor, “ we’ve simply caught up again to the first herd we ran into ; that’s all.” The traveller subsided and the conductor was left in peace.

Some public school boys are not very well up in biblical history, whatever else they know. A teacher asked a class, “ Who was Moses ?” and only two could tell him. Next to not knowiogis Incapacity some children have of venturing a reply of some kind, never mind how ludicrous. At a school in a neighboring colony King David was referred to in a lesson, whereupon the master wishing to learn if they knew the story.'of David and Groliath, put the interrogation this way: “Who killed the giant ?” One child very quickly replied, “Please, sir, Jack.” Ths child was acquainted with the nursery books. "

■ 1 suppose most people have come across the smart small boy.i He isuncon&iohsly smart 1 sometimes, _ and when he comes out with his replies he fairly staggers bis questioner. One teacher wishing to test the knowledge his pupils had of the globe asked his class where he would come out were ho to ' dig a hole right through the eirth from New Zealand to the other side of the globe? The smart boy was instantly in evidence with, “ Please sir, out of the hole.” On a par ■wit-hsthijs-is the answer given by the eiMt school' boy to his teacher. “In what condition was the PiitflaVcK ."Job at the end of his life,” enquired the latter, “ Dead ” was the reply.

Most things now-a-days are made in Germany, and it is a curious fact that most of the sovereigns of Europe t'Bre 1 ';;H'lfiade, in Germany.” For instance, with the exception of the Portuguese and Italian Princes, all of the reigning families of Europe .are Gerihand ? or descendants of Germans. The Kings of Austria, Denmark, and the princes of the former Turkish provinces—Servia, Bulgaria, Greece, and ' Romania—and the Spanish Princes are all Germans.

This is a wonderful age. If one could only go to sleep for 20 years, like Rip Van Winkle, and then come to, what tremendous strides he would notice had been made in everything. The airship, the flying-machine, electric motors in place of steUm engines, and many other things, including submarine railways. We have elevated and underground railroads, and torpedo boats that can remain two hours under water. Then why not a submarine train ? For instance the bottom of the Pacific between Hawaii and California is said to be so level that a railroad could be laid for 500 miles'without a grade anywhere. This fact was discovered by the United States surveying vessels engaged in making soundings with the view of laying a cable. Snch being the case I venture, posing in the character of a* prophet, to predict that submarine railways will be, 20 years hence, as much a reality as the Pacific cable.

curious form of life insurance is springing up in Trance under tlie namer* .of t! La Tourmi ” (the ant). The peculiarity is that the longer a man lives the less his heirs become entitled to. The payment of 4s a month assures the payment of lOOOdol to the heirs of a man dying before the age of 38, the payment diminishigg proportionately to about SOOdol at 51, the idea being that if a man dies young his children will require help, but wheu he is 50 they will bo able to earn their own living.—l don’t know how this would do in New Zealand, but if nothing else, it has the effect of fostering a spirit of selfdependence which iu those days is not all to common. Idler.