BARNEY'S TELEGRAMS.

Western Star, Issue 464, 23 July 1881, Page 2

BARNEY'S TELEGRAMS.

i 3arf- - : noh v ‘ (By “ Special Private Wire.’’) Reply to Tiligram No. I.^—"Tie I. - i? I see where.our JQumsden Correspondent wants to know ‘Who the new member for Wallace is to be.’ It s to be>; the ould number :av codrseii It’s true, parfect|y true, * that it’s an imppssifbility to' plazo iverybody.’ What has Mr Hirst done to incur the withdrawii av the suffrage av the Lumsdoniaus ? Share, an’ I think, sura, if Mr Hirst were axedpolitelyhe’d' explain why he meddled-wid the toime table av the railway, t am very sorry to abe ‘a vote of no confidence’ bein’’ passed/ but not bein’ intimate wid the circumstances that necessitated the vote, I just wait to hear fur- : ther,, f To err is human.” Mr Hirst, I’ll just, put it, may have erred, but compare all h‘e has done in the past with this which is now being flaunted and getting no shmaller in goin’ the rounds, afld TlhihK, stirs, we plight $o be a little commiserative and await his explanation without takin’ on oursilves to return a too hasty (perhaps) verdict. I only trust Mr Hirst, will be able to give a satisfactory ,expla-.. natiotl, and regain the confluence lost.” Reply to Tilegram . No. 2.—“ Och! faith and ! am glad to see that me ould feind John jPattison (councillor) has got us a bit av gravil for our J Sbhth Riverton' 'puddlp.fi But -I"just 'want to draw his attention to the fact that it would be advise 'itßi bein’ put on ? sheet ’- fashion instid av ‘-patchwork-quilt. pattern,*tnd .the patches wid zoo great r, seam between thim ar Mr Pattisbni my frind, see what you~ can-xlo about bringin’ ‘ that lamp ’ put a- burnxn’ and shinin' lite.. I . ,wish on me own “account you’d put it At the ford'below Mr Irwin’s house, as-tho ould thorn I have is like mesilf, gettin’used up, ap.. the ould wan (Mrs Murphy) objects to .pie goin’home on me’hands and knees.”' ,;ij c ’’ Reply to Tilegram No. 3.—“ Arrah what’s ' the use yor axin’ me about who ought to clean the bridge acrass the river. Ax whoiybr pat up the notis on the phost at the both corners > av.the said bridge. .It's• a lie! ; I nivorwaa offend thp sitiation av toll collector, for it.’ If. it was made a toll bridge if cbbrdej a»yee*Bsy, * the happenoe could gb-toward the cleanin': av,' it. —Make-the Ghinkeys pay toll,—as they- - pay nothin’ else. “Reply to Telegram No. 4.—“1 am so, be* liove me! I intind on Friday first to vitit Orepuki an’ give a moral address to the * toothless,’ at same time take notes on things in gineral, an visit the ‘ widows ’ in particular; as to the ‘orphans ’ (I mean me ould 60-year ould frinds the miners), I intimlto makothim pay for ould Mathuselas’ keep while I am there (ould Methuselas, yees know, is Bridget’s racer the ould ass). Miss Murphy is goin* over to the Caledoniari'fb see if she can raise the loannv ‘ Paddy ’ to keep me,"company. I ’ tould her I was goin’ amongst harum-scarum.-specimens av, nature’s owu noblest? It is no go, surs ; she is bent on the journey. She is gettin’ case hardened! Anywhere that sha.M thinks a pair av britches wid a man inthim - (single man) is to be found, an’ I am goin’ ‘ there, she goes to on- the pretence ‘ av takin’ care av her dear an’ aged father ’ (I say read , the last 7 words wid a polite air). I am goin’. by' way of the Surveyors’ kemp, Coheir,’ Walkapatyou, Pie e Flat, Orekookey, and home by ould Dick O’Brien’s av the Round Sill. Wan thing the polite wan will be good for: she’ll be a body guard; not wan will dare to harm me in the prisince av a lady. I’ll re* pirt all in due form. I’m-goin’to get Mr Hay to lake me up to the school at Cohck till I see the yOnng wahs we have about. I have got a leather sthrap to go round mo rist put to the ind av mo shillelagh, an I intind to consale it up mo sleeve, least the long schoolmaster moight bo still in a tantrum wia me. I’ll use it, be jabers I will, if he sphakes ugly.’, - - - - - ■ Tilegrams 5,6, and 7 will have to sthand over, as the require too much sphace. The ould wan has got a touch of the mi-’

"orlumbaygo, or inflewensa, or- some--thin’ in her sneezer, ‘ah’ she is in anythin’ at all hut good twist this weather ; she has a face ' 'o'fl hefloike an over boiled Christmas clurnplin’, au’ ! a sneeze ioike' a gush from a high ./pressure tap. If I’d seen her wid such a fizz .whin I was; a puttin’ av the commditbre ou iher, (courtin’ I mane), she’d niver been the woife ar ‘ Indipindintly yours, / .'’Xi.-.-.'V Raeney Muephy. ~ Friday, between wan an’ two o’clock, i ;P.S.—Correspondents J.P., M.S. Mack fGuffi’nv Larrey Softsoap, etc., will bo answered iin my next. -fteffloif' : , . ■