Facetiœ.

Western Star, Issue 430, 26 March 1881, Page 1 (Supplement)

Facetiœ.

Rich young! ladies rihould niake, arrangements to husband their means. ;

Never put off until to-morrow what you can do the day after. . - : “Dipped into a weak solution of accomplishments,” is the term now applied to those of bur girls professing, to be so highly educated. 1 1

About the guiltiest-looking people in this world are a newly-married couple trying to pass for veterans. Mistress: “Bridget, didn’t you hear me call ?” | Bridget': “ Yes, mum ; but ye towld me the other day niver to answer’ ye back—an’ I didn’t.”

An old lady borrowed a dictionary. Gn returning it she said there were some beautiful words in it, but she did not like the tale much.

A young lady says she doesn’t see why, even if times are as hard as people say, the young men can’t pay their addresses promptly, A contemporary tells of a young man who swore off smoking, and was worth ten thousand pounds in five years. We think that there must be some mistake about this, as we know a young man who has sworn oil fifteen times in five years, and isn’t worth a farthing. “Women before marriage want nothing but husbands, and when they get them they want everything else,” said an old bachelor. “ How different it is with men,” said his laughing niece. “ When a man gets a wife he just settles right down contented, feeling that he has secured the best blessing heaven could bestow 1”

A man, who was a great stickler for etiquette, having married a widow before her period of mourning had expired, soon after made his appearance with a weed on his hat. On being spoken to on such singular conduct,' he remarked that ho considered it no more than the handsome thing towards his lamented predecessor. A young scholar, the first day at school, was asked her name by the teacher, and re- 1 plied. Her father’s name was the next question, and she know his first name. The teacher then'asked her, “What does your mother call him?” “You jackass !'’ said the child.