Wit and Humour.

Western Star, Issue 426, 12 March 1881, Page 2 (Supplement)

Wit and Humour.

A lightning conductor is attractive in its way. J |{Funny thing that a deaf and dumb man Should always be so ready at making a few-off-hand remarks. ■; i Call no man saint or millionaire before he’s dead. The one may at any moment turn outto be a rogue, and the other a begger. A good instance of absence of mind was aa editor quoting.from a rival paper- one of his own articles, and heading it ‘‘ Wretched Attempt at Wit.” It is said by one of their own poets that there is only one Afghan who has never told a lie, and that this remarkable individual has been deaf and dumb from his birth.

A Sabbath School teacher, after relating ta some children the story of Ananias and Sapphira, asked them why God does not strikes everybody dead that tells a lie, when one of the least in the room quickly answered. Because there wouldn’t be anybody left.” , Murphy is always talking of ideas flitting through his mind. Fact is, ideas are rather partial to Murphy’s mind. They find nothing there to obstruct their flits.

“ Oh, mother, do send for tho doctor !” said a little boy of three years. “ What for, my dear ?” “ Why, there’s a gentleman "in the parlour who says he’ll die if -lane don’t marry him ; and she says she won’t. ” Never set yourself up for a musician -jhal because you have got a drum in your ear ; nor believe you are cut out for a, school teacher merely because you have a pupil in your eye. It is dangerous to be working with a sewing machine near a window in a thunderstorm. It is also very dangerous to sit ; near' some sewing machines when there is ho thunder-storm. At least, we found it so, the other day, when we paid a visit to Singer’s, Pagoda, at the Exhibition, and got pieroen} through and through by a certain pair ot be-n-itching eyes. A genius (we need not add he, was an American) made a nerve and Wue all-heal-ing salve, and thought he would experimentalize a little with it, He first cut off his dog’s tail and applied some of the salve to the stump, "A now tail grew out immediately. Hq then applied some to tho piece of tail which he cut off, and a new dog grew outHe did not know which dog was which. During a recent picnic excursion a f e ji overboard. A long-haired man who sa t reading a newspaper rose up and, called out: “Stop her—back her-go o.uead—throwhim a plank—stop the him a ropelower a boat—wbcVQ’au life preserver ?—stop this boat!” ! The victim was saved. Of course; qo would have been drowned but for tiW 'efforts of the long-haired man. J[t is true that a drowning man will catch at a straw, but the puzzle is, what does );j. want with a straw ? It isn’t big enough, foia life preserver, and the man is in n-* disposition to enjoy a sherry cobbler, if he; had one handy.

“ He a physician !” said a dochwt). speaking • of a hated rival; “why, if were to descend into the patient.'* stomach with a, lighted lantern, lie. wouldn't be able to naiue.i the complaint when he came up,”