Varieties.

Western Star, Issue 346, 24 April 1880, Page 7

Varieties.

I don’t tiike any fpolish chances. If I wuz galled, upon to upturn over a dea I mule, I would gland in front ov him and do my weeping.

A poor but high-spirited woman in Chicago pounds an old rag on the kitchen table every jamming to make the neighbors belive she has for breakfast.

Oral instruction—Auntie; “Well, Charleys fjvhat bare von been doing to-day in school ?” Small Boy: “O, nothing much. Teacher’s been gabbin.” "I’m epgaged for this set,” said the hen to the rooster, as she went cluokin away. Ijloah wes the first man who strictly observed Lett, ifo lived on water for fprty days and forty pights.

What is the difference between a pretty girl jand a night-cap ? One is born to wed and the pther is worn to bed.

Amongst the many anecdotes related of the Eraperpr Nicholas is the following:—One day the the Emperor, wfyo was one of the strictest and inflexible of disciplinarians met, in a street of St, Petersburg a drunken dragoon, vyho was riding in a droschky arid angrily asked tfie soldier what he was doing. The imminence of fiis danger partially sobered the latter. Ife rose in his carriage drew his sword, and saluting the Czar, said: ?Tm taking a drunken soldier to the guard room, vour Magesty,” The Emperor Nicholas smiled, gave the soldier a five rouble piece, and told the coachman to drive him, not tp the guard rpom> but home.

A man crying; recently in St. Louis left 1000 dole, to an individual who, years before, ran away With his wife. Ho said in the wjll that he never forgot a favor.

“Tom” said a girl to her sweetheart, “you have been paying your distress to me long enough. It is time you made your contentions, go a9°not to keep me in expense any longer. A lantern-jawed young man stopped at the Post-Office last Saturday, and yelled put: “ Anything for. tlie Wattses'?” Q-eorge Ppleet, our polite Postmaster, replied, “ No, there is not.” . Anything for Jane Watts?” “ Nothing.” •“Anything for Ace Wafts?” “No.’ “Anything for Bill Watts ?’* “ No, sir.” f‘ Anything for Tom Watts ?” “ No, nothing.” “ Anything for ' Pool Joe • Watts ?” “ No, nor Dich Watts. por Jim Watts, nor Sweet Watts, nor pny other Watts, dead, living, unborn, native, foreign civilized pr uncivilized, savage or barbarous, male pr feipale, white or black, franchised or disfranphised, naturalised or othewise. No, there is positively nothing for any of the Wattses either individually, severally, jointly, now and forever, pne and inseparable.” The boy looked at the Postmaster in astonishment, and said : “ Please lodfe if there is anything for John Thqnias Watts?”

Regular shipments of Blankets, Twpeds, Calicoes, Sheetings, Yarns, &c., &c., are ppW Received by Robertson Bros, direct from the Clyde, thereby saving interjnediate profits, which Will eqahle them to show their friends in the Western District as good valpc for thejr money ns cap be obtained in the largest tpwn in the colony. ‘A shipment of 12 cases ex “ Nelson ” now opened Adyt.] •