Current Humour

Waipukurau Press, Volume XXIII, Issue 145, 6 December 1929, Page 7

Current Humour

SO SMILE AWHILE. HAVE YOU HEARD THIS ONE? Sweet Young Thing: I think it was nice of you, Mr Peterson, to name your new yacht after me. What is she like? Mr Peterson: Well, you know, she’s not much, to look at, but she’s very fast. “Archie,- what became of the piece of cake that' was left on the table ” asked mother. “I gave it to a little boy who was awfully hungry, mother.” “That was kind of you, Archie. Who was the little boy?’’ “.It was me, mother! ” “See here, waiter,” explained the indignant customer, here’s a piece of wood in my sausage!” “Yes, sir,” replied the waiter, “but I’mssurere —er — ” “Don’t argiu! I don’t mind eating the dog,'but I’ll be hanged if I’m going to eat the kennel also.” I "" ' “Impatient Traveller: It’s a. confounded nuisance—these trains are alwas late. Stationmaster. But, my dear sir, what would bo the use of the waitingrooms if the trains were always on time ? Overtime. “Your father isn’t working any more? ” “No, he got sacked from the brewery where he was.,” “What for?” “Staying late t'o take stock.” Where He Sat. A class of boys had been s.udying physiology, and one day the master told them to write a composition on ‘.‘The Spine.” Among the many papers sent in was the following: —“The spine is a bunch of bones that, runs up and down the back and holds the ribs together; the skull sits on one end, and I sit on the other.”

i The Precedent. i J Untidiness was little Robert’s great fault. In spite of his nurse’s ratings, he would never fold his clothes up on the chair before going to bed. One evening the unfortunate woman coming into his room found Robert’s new suit spread out on the floor. “Little boys w’ho do this won’t accomplish big' things afterwards, ” she ' said, as she picked it up. “You never heard of a famous man w r ho didn’t fold his clothes up properly all through his life!” j Robert' grinned. ; “Oh, didn’t I?” he exclaimed. ; “AVhat about Adam?” Something For Nothing. 6 Sandy was down on his luck, and while -wandering along the dusty high road he came upon a -wrecked motor car. Looking round he saw the motorist lying on the ground pretty badly injured. “AVhat’s the matter, mon?” inquired Sandy. “I have been knocked into by a heavy lorry, which went on without A. ■ stopping, ’ ’ was the answer. “And the insurance agent hasna’ been along yet?” asked Sandy. “No,” snapped the other. “But fetch a. doctor t'o me, quickly.” “'Bide a wee., bide a wee,” said the canny Scot. “Move, over and let’s lie down wi’ ye.” The Dearly Beloved. Said a lady to a clergyman, “Why do the clergy always address a congregation as brethren, Avhen usually the majority present could better be described- as sisters?” “Oh,” said the clergyman, “the one embraces the other. ” - . To which the lady replied, “Yes, but not in church, surely?” Hero by Proxy. Two little boys came into the dentist’s office.’ One said to the dentist, “I -want a tooth out and I don’t want, no gas because I’m in a hurry.” Dentist: That’s a. brave little boy. Which tooth is it? Little Boy: Show him your tooth Albert. Not Poultry. A well-known writer found himself seated next to a portly aiderman at dinner. . “Aly grandfather knew Napoleon,” said the latter to the distinguished guest. “The Emperor gave him a lovely snuffbox; there is a hen on the lid.” “Dear me!” replied the celebrity. “But it is probably an eagle, not a hen.” “No, it is a hen,” persisted the aiderman, producing the box from his pocket, and proudly displaying the initial “N” of the Emperor’s name in brilliants on the lid.