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Wellington Independent, Volume XXVI, Issue 3286, 25 August 1871, Page 3

' A plain cook with a good character ; no crinoline nor long dresses ; ono that fears Gpd and loves to read tho Bible,' may hear of a situation upou applying to an address advertised in an Exeter newspaper. In addition to tho above accompeishments, the cook will be required to ' retire' at nine o'clock, summer and winter. A woman who went into a photograph j establishment in Broadway, the oilier day, to have a picture of her baby taken, gave the child a preliminary spanking, in order, as she said, ' to bring a healthy bloom into its chocks, so it would make a pretty pic- ! ture.' ' Will you take this woman to bo your wife?' 'Well, 'squire,' was the reply, ' you must be a green 'un to ax mo such a question ss that. Do you suppose I'd be : such a plaguey fool as to give up the bar hunt and take this gal to the quilting frolic if I want conscripturously sartin and determined to have her? Drive on with your business. 1 A maker of gold pens advertises that fifteen year's experience justifies him in asserting that his pens arc everlasting ! 'A Yankee,' observes tho "Scientific American," ' will dig gardens, teach a school, preach, or even edit a newspaper, if necessary for support ; but he will not be idle.' A western lady, who had been deserted by two consecutive husbands, has contracted a third matrimonial alliance, which Bue.kope may be permanent, with a gentleman whose legs have been amputated. ' Says, Csosar Augustus, why am your leg like an organ grinder P' Don't know, Mr Sugarloaf; why is they?' ''Cos they carries a monkey about the streets.' A brick grazed the head of Mr Sugarloaf, just as his ears disappeared round the corner of the street.