THE COLONIAL CHESTERFIELD.

Wellington Independent, Volume XVII, Issue 1805, 18 December 1862, Page 4

THE COLONIAL CHESTERFIELD.

BEING A SELECTION FROM THE CORRESPONDENCE OF "BUFFER THE ELDER." Prend moi iel que je suis. EDUCATION. , Letter VI, • i I do not propose in this letter and under the 1 above head to enter into a dissertation on the ' different systems of education for the growth of the colonies as based on the principles of Plato and Socrates, Cicero and M'Culloch, or Dr Birch of Switcbington Academy and Mr Paddy O'Toble and his select seminary under a neighboring hedge. Neither shall I enter into the subject in its respective phases of secular and denominational, classical or commercial or those various points from which I might look upon this most necessary duty to your offspring. But I shall take a most practical view of the subject by at once admitting that you are a husband and a father and that the concomitants of these two appellations have appeared in the shape of James Alphonso and Clementina Ann, aged about fourteen years, and that you are now; upon the principle that as the " twig is bent so it will grow," about to educate them. In the first place, we will take the case of Master James.' From your, pursuits, having been in all probability grazing, your boy has had the run of his own inclinations, very much the same as your young steers, and will require about as much trouble. You have made at tempts to educate him yourself. Nay ! You have gone still further, you have chartered one of those unfortunate bachelor " broken down swells," that I spoke of before, for little more than bed and board, who never having taught anybody in his life anything save dissipation, is admirably adapted for training and educating your boy. He has heard you speak of this unfortunate tutor in no very high terms and his mamma has not been backward in bearing testimony to his numerous defalcations and shortcomings, Master James has consequently imbibed most respectable notions of his tutor, and is in every way an encouraging disciple. It is well that this wretched tutor has a lesson taught him in the school of adversity, while be teaches . Master James, or attempts so to do, a lesson in grammar. His errors are his own breeding, and as it is your duty as I said before to. hold such in the greatest contempt, you cannot do it more effectually than by encouraging your boy to insult this poor fellow in every way possible. Ido not say that you will 'speedily do so, but by criticising him before your children, and winking at insubordination shown towards him by his pupils, this happy effect may be most successfully produced. Constantly associating with the men about your station, will not only have been productive of much experience and useful information to you? son in the mysteries of stock farming, making him a. thorough good horseman, and so forth, but it will likewise have not improbably imp-roved his morals a trifle, and have increased his stock of self-assurance and presumption. He will be a man before he is a boy, and though some crusty old bachelor of of your acquaintance with more candour than good-breeding may not improbably tell you " your son is one of the most consummate going young scamps he ever met with," you will look upon these ' tiaits in the character of your sou and heir as but the fruits of an independence and truth of character most desirable in a youth who has to tackle a rough world. If we are to believe Mr Leech and his very adrni- : table illustrations in Punch of the " rising generation, on the one hand and combine our faith in him with the assertion of the poet Horace, Otas parentium, $•(?., I riiay safely assert that there will be no boys at all in succeed - ding generations, every age becoming more and ' more precocious. Where now-a-days are those goodly processions that we used to observe ou the Sabbath, issuing from the doors of our citizens in English towns. Paterfamilias in bis long coat, not unlike the wooden image of Shem in our children's "Noah's Ark," are unhappily fast giving way to carpet billiards and '• Aunt Salley's — Mater — ditto, having the patrician umbrella, and in a row a head, the members of the family two and two, commencing at the least; and ending at the tallest, like the rows of birds, b easts and insects in the Noah's Ark we used to put up in youth. The grasshopper leading, aud the elephants and giraffes bringing up the rear. Ah ! boys in those days were boys, and the excuse of our grandams for our peccadilloes, used to be " boys will be boys," I have no desire to contradict the opinions of my fore- " mothers,'' but at the same time, I dispute boys being boys, now-a-days. Therefore seeing that they can't be boys, let them be men with all speed. Put your boy into coat tails, shirt collars, and Wellingtons, as soon as possible, a cigar or short pipe in his mouth, learn him the taste of beer and brandy, so soon as he has lost his appetite for mother's milk, let him be able to take his part in slang, that he cannot do without his fists, let him take example from you, and show no respect to anybody, and he will not shortly show any to you, give him his own way, and he will,turri;out a smart, independent spirited youth, which terms are colonial for a blackguardly, impertinent, forward lad, a credit to himself, bis parents and country. His education ought strictly to he left very much to himself ; send him to school by all means, but do not confine him too much, let him have his own tun among billiard room;;, casinos, and cifes, and you may rely upon it, that he will Butm-be-anuadept at all the moves on the board of life, and will cot enter into it, a mere milksop, to be gnnea uy evcijUoa^. .\\. tutxy-iu.w, for-there are we know, some temperaments, tbbt if educated in a monastery, or even a nunnery, under the especial care of the lady abbess and the sisters of all the cardinal virtues, no sooner have the convent gates swung to behind them, than they would plunge into vice and dissipation. If such should be the case, one alternative is always before you. Your son has turned out tQO barefaced a rip to hold up his face in your own circle, give him a few hundred pounds and send biin over to the next colony. Should, however, he turn out steady enough to adopt your business, take him home to your own hearth, and you will have a treasure, and only one cause of anxiety will ever, remain on your mind, and that is a trivial one, being simply the fear of his ultimately kicking you out of house and borne. Let me hope none of your sons will ever do so. This is the way to raise a body of men whose whole soul is in brandy and bullocks, whose means will hereafter put them in a position to become senators, councillors, and members of all sorts of boards for which the density of their" wooden" heads, will render them most adapted. You will not split up your commmunities into factions and parties tben,. you will not have as you have now, a mass of " swells " too proud to associate with you, your men of talent will be men of horses, land, stations, and bank notes, no aristocracy, no nothing, but money 1; money 1 I, ray boy, shall probably be in my grave when this happy consummation takes place, and though no a« *?■ ' ba t time » * ci " c lalive » l mi S h * 'each the Blitish colonies from Englandina few days, tffir 8 W.Pytohear of you, I fear taejouraey would always prove too long for me to pajf fqu a- visit. Let me congratulate you on the faery that at present scarcely one man $ttt of tea can keep his family about

him until they are of age. they do not care about home, not a bit. It is a fine trait in the character of the youth now developing itself, no home sickness or such namby pamby nonsense, like we used to feel— what is their father, but he who begat them ? or their mother, but she who bare them ? brothers or sisters, but the offspring of the same branch ! Affection, respect for father or family — pooh ! pooh ! pooh ! it weakens the strength of the youth, is childish, is a weak trait altogether. This is what 1 say colonial youth as a mass, are now, or what they are in fair way for becoming ; and as the custom of the country, by all means follow it. It is simply effected by letting children have their own way, and when they get a little older there is no further trouble for they will then take it. This is the plan of your moral education, as regards their scholastic education, I have already hinted at the propriety of sending them to school, the unfortunate tutor no doubt in a twelvemonth after the commencement of his engagement gave it up broken in spirit, by the insubordination of his pupils, and perchance the daily grinding at a steel wheat meal, that I have known tutors put to before now in the Colonies — University educated no doubt — he will know what" putting on a grind" means in University parlance, for college examinations, or little go's or what not, viz — bringing himself up in books forafevvdays and cramming himself to suffocation with Greek roots and Algebraic roots, a most bitter meal. If he has eschewed the reading and taken to boating on {the Cam or Cliewell, be will know what " putting on a grind " there means from Dilton corner to the plough, or to " bump " Christchurch or Balliol, when through that glass of" Audit" the night before he is out of training, the " spirit willing but the flesh weak," but none of those "grinds" can compare with the " steel mill." E Yoar son has been at school for two years, at the age of sixteen he has finished his education, and if you want to see a specimen of his scholaisbip, ask the compositor that puts this in type respecting the wording and spelling of the last adveritsement he sent in, respecting the chesnut mare he lost last week. But what matter, be can sign a receipt if needed, and add up pounds, shillings, and pence — quite enough too, he is educated for all he will ever require ; and what more is necessary. Let us wish him well and have a wore' respecting Clementina Ann. The early part of this young lady's education, has been chiefly left to her mother, whom we hare had a word lespecting before. Clementina has a station to fulfil, as well as a staiion somewhere on the Taraaramaroo Ranges in Anybody's Land, to dispose of to the highest" bidder for her heart and hand ; and that she will fill that station in life, with as many virtues as there are sheep on her run, is devoutly to be wished. Here is the chance for her, " ihe Misses Jupon beg to announce to parents and guardians, that they will have two vacancies at the end of the quarter, for parlor boarders. Each young lady is requested to bring with her a silver spoon and fork, two table napkins, and towels. Pupils from the Country preferred." Here is the very thing ! pack up the fork and spoon ! don't forget the table napkins! this is genteel! The education no doubt will be equallj so, for we have only quoted a species of rider to the advertisement. Let us see, oh ! the old stereotyed thing:, " usual branches of a genteel education." " French by a native." Just so ! never mind all that. The " table napkins," at once decide the gentility of the establishment, and I say pack Clementina off at once. Now of course a young lady having spent the most of her time on a station, must be not far off as rough as any unbroken animal, we are not surprised at it, and the Misses Jupon know exactly the method to break in these nature's ladies. They don't trouble themselves about much teaching at first, no French verbs and inquisitorial back boards for peccant maidens, The figure must be improved first, and Mousieur Pettitoes and his violiu, is the first master. Otheryoung ladies, who far on in the curriculum of feminine accomplishments, know all the "loves" of waltzes, "ducks" of polkas, and (for aught I know) " fools " of gallops, have already taken Clementiua in hand — have instructed her in the art of hair dressing in fiftj different fashions, either by drawing it so tight from her forehead and gathering it so firmly behind, that Clementina has at first difficulty in shutting her eyes, and walks about with a Chinese expression of countenance marvellous to contemplate, or by dint of the " German sausage' apparatus, before alluded to, set it out en each side of her head, making it look from a rear point of view like an inverted jargonelle pear, or quince. Mons. Pettitoes has said that "in von veek mademoiselle vill be la belle Danseuse," and the. Misses Japon write home to you, my dear boy, that your daughter is improviug everyday; that she gives every satisfaction ; that the quarter day will be on such a day of the month ; and that the Misses J s bankers are the pseud o Oriental. This, of couise, is a source of satisfaction to you as a parent. You pay a visit to towu and see the daughter of your bosom, not the hoyden she was when she left, who greets you with a "Pa dee--aw !" instead of the familiar " Dad !" of the inland station, and in the presence of the Miss Jupon, senior, puts a searching question to you in French. You may, or will, I suppose, have probably picked up a smattering of French at home, but presuming that you were a native of that identical country, you would be equally nonplussed to understand her. You dine at the table with the Misses Jupon and the parlor boaiders, and you bear nothing but French, not the vernacular, but what is termed boarding school French, a language of itself much the same as medical Latin. You sit in vacancy, and stand aghast at the precocity of Clementina. The Irish servant girl knows more than you do for hearing the same thing, or nearly so, rehearsed daily, shejsets up a little ..an_ jio.!> owjq account, and thrusting some very uninviting cheese under your uoac, makes tho remark, " Foummidge, Sur!!" and vacantly grins at her own cleverness. In two years Clementina returns in an extent of flounces and hoops to her Lares and Penates. What a contrast to her brother Jem and his short pipe ! Time was when she would have taken a puff out of your own pipe for fun, and laughed intensely through her tears and gasps for breath ; but now, your wife and she commence a crusade against the habit, and inch by inch you fight your way to the rear and the kitchen grate simultaneously. She is fond of reading, no doubt. Look (as her father you may) at that row of books on her shelf in her bedroom. Here we are! "Madelinda de L— — — , or the lonely Lover of the Lake of Lucerne;" "Love in a Dungeon or the doom of the Captive Knight," — rather horrible that! What is this! " Slip one, knit four, chain seven, slip nine, knit eighteen," A note in pencil here — " a duck of a d'oyley !" — not a doubt about it. Thanks to Mr Routledge and his " green backs" —here is a row of rubbish: By the way, here is a book at the end with no green back. What is it. " Presented to my dearest Clementina by her warmest friend Caroline." Better taste Caroline! " Lalla Rookb !" Bless my heart ! not a single leaf cut ! This is is about what I expect is the state of things, and if you do not want your house turned into a species of spiders web with crochet on every bit of furniture, and in every corner, many Clementina out of the way as soon as possible. Not a single thing will she ever do in your house but read novels and crotchet, mending your socks is out of her line, and she is a colonial young lady that will prove a treasure to anybody. Had you kept her at home and never educated her out at all, you might have looked fox a hoyden of

' a girl, but perhaps no worse, and most certainly she would have proved a better wife for a country settler than she will now. But do as they do in Rome by all means now you are in Rome. Your daughter though not sixteen or barely so, has had heaps of lovers and cun count the numbers slain on the floors of Ball Rooms not by singles but by scores, so she says, so let her slay one more and make off with his body as soon as possible. Marry her to a man of money if you can, but marry her by all means. She is no use to you, and sbe may take it into her head to marry somebody of her own selection iudependent of any will of yours, or, as has happened before now, and the only wonder is, that it does not happen oftener under such a system, adding another item to the proof that women are the weaker sex.. These contingencies may be looked for but they are not inevitable, and all things considered they are worthy of the education. If you purpose being "colonial" carry out the piinciple in everything. Let your son be "colonial," and your daughter "colonial," and in fact all "colonial" together. Colonial habits, bear in mind may not do elsewhere, the Prince's coat of arms and the four greys did not pass at Epsom, aud if you are " never to wear a brown hat in Friesland," you need not carry your essentially colonial manners to England. I have endeavoured so far to shew you what manners you must contract to be essentially colonial. Many people reside years there aud never do contract these habits, " Swells "and " broken down swells " are many of this order, this old order of Englishmen who carry out their prejudices and foolish notions of honour and etiquette they have imbibed with them ;— who conduct themselves without ostentation, bring up their families as they were brought up, aud decline antipodean notions, which are necessarily topsy turvy. They are not colonial, not a bit of it, and my advice to you is, do as I have recommended yon, and you will be on a par with the rest of them, and a fit companion for two thirds of tbe inhabitants. It is possible I may resume these subjects iv phases of public life hereafter. Your affectionate father, Bciter Senior.