MISCELLANEOUS EXTRACTS.

Wellington Independent, Volume XV, Issue 1342, 28 June 1859, Page 5

MISCELLANEOUS EXTRACTS.

EeoTisM.— A party, of which Jerrold was one, agreed to hate a supper of sheeps' heads. One gentleman present was particularly enthusiastic on the excellence of the dish, and as he threw down his knife and fork exclaimed, " Well, sheeps heads for ever, say I!"—Jerrold: "There's egotism!" . . [

ly h fts , aT D /iiiLffiM r yn' , soon"lSe dissolved, A young lady immediately added, " So shall we all, if this weather continues."

"Young man do you know what relations you sustain in this world?" said a minister of our acquaintance to a young man of his cbnrch. " Yes, sir," said the hopeful convert, " two gousios and a grandmother; but I don't mean to sustain them much longer. , -

" Guidsake, man," said a douce housewife to an honest dairyman the other day, " what sort o' milk's this ye're dodin" us wi' noo! The last I got, there was about a third o't water." " Then je're a' wranjr, guidewife," leplied Will; " it's some ither body's milk ye've been getting— mine's half and half." The Unbiassed Opinion or ah Old Foot, —Some people fly into raptures about the blackbird's whistled notes; other's talk sentimental humbug about the lark's wildly thrilling notes, or the nightiugale's pity pleading notes, but my opiuioQ is, that the only notes really worth admiring are—bank notes.

A shrewd clergymau was oncelormented by his people to let them introduce the " big fiddle," or bass-viol into the church. He told them the human voice was the divinest of all instruments of music; but they iutroduced their viol, and the old man, rose and said .—" The brethren will, if they please, sing and fiddle the thirty-ninth psalm." The wise editor of the Pittsburgh Chronicle says —" Talk about the enjoymeut of wealth— it never can be enjoyed; an abundance is a heap of misery. A man who owns a house, a small wife, a big dog, a cow, two or three fat pigs, and a dozen children, ought to be satisfied. If he. ain't,' he never'ought to be." •-The Burlington (lowa) Hawkeye tells of a lady in that vicinity who, by marriage, has got I herself into the following distressing situation, in regard to her own familj. She is sister-in law to her father, aunt to her brother, sister to her uncle, daughter to her grandfather, and great aunt to bei own children. ■ One of Bishop Blo.omfields latest hon-rnots was uttered duriug Wis last illness; He inquired what had been the subjucts of his two archdeacon's charges, and.was told.that one was on the art of making sermons, and the other of ■graveyards.-.. "Oh, I see," said, the Bishop, "composition and decomposition." _ Agentlemanhavingoccasiontorisit the establishment of a knight of the razor, and. submit himself to the operation of sharing, found the razors anything but smooth ; after several grimaces, he called the attention of the barber to that unpleasant fact. "Hold on hoss," says > he, "if the Uarued thing don't break, the beard's bouud to come."

An EDii'oa" Tight.".—We beliere it is rare that editors indulge in a drop, but when they do their readers are sure to find them out. A Syracuse con teinpurdiy was called upon to record a " melancholy event" \shen bis head was rather beavj, and did it up after tbe following manner. —Yesterday morning, at 4 p.m., a man with a beelin the hole of his stacking, committed arsenic by swallowing a dose of suicide. The .inquest of the verdict returned-a jury that the deceased come to the facts in accordance with his death. He leares a child and six small wives to lament the end of his untimely loss. Steamboat Accidents in America.—Last year there were in the United States 47 steamers sunk, 19 burned, and 9 exploded. 250 lives were lost, and property to the amount of 1,924,900 dollars was sacrificed. And this on the western rivers alone.— Mitbhtlfo Maritime Register.