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Westport Times, Volume IV, Issue 641, 5 April 1870, Page 3

It is related by a veracious chronicler, that once upon a time an American farmer sprinkled in his corn some whiskey soaked kernals with a view of befuddling the crows that frequented it, and then shooting them. After a while he visited the place, gun on shoulder, and the veracious chronicler aforesaid deposes and says that he saw the following state of affairs existing in the aforementioned field: —A very large crow had collected all the whiskey-soaked corn, had built a bar with some clods of earth, and was selling this corn to the others, charging three kernals of ordinary for one keraal of prepared corn. And the farmer forbore shooting at them—because they acted so Hke human beings! Chinamen are being educated in English in San Erancisco. One who could read a little spelled out slowly, "The horse will kick the man," but the meaning of the verb puzzled him, and he enquired, " Kickee ? "What kickee ?" A gesture of the foot sent a smile of comprehension rippling oyer his face. His friend then showed him the picture of a boy kneeling at prayer, with eyes closed, and asked, "What is the boy doing?" John's only idea of prayer is that of a priest dropping a written petition into a furnace as if he were mailing a letter; and this baffled him. He studied it long with a blank look; but at last broke out with a chuckle of discovery, " Me thinkee he catchee fly!"

In a school examination a lady appealed to the self-consciousness of the children, and tried to teach them a little about their senses. They knew that they saw and heard, but it was a revelation to them that they saw with eyes and heard with ears. So the lady said to them, ' You have noses ; what are they for ?' There was a dead silence, but at last one adventurous urchiu replied, ' Please, ma'am—to he wiped.' Josh Billings says there are but few sights in this life more sublime and pathetic than to see a poor but virtuous young man, full of christian fortitude, struggling to grow a moustache. Simple whitening reduced with cold water to a thickness sufficient to cover scalds or burns is recommended as an efficacious remedy.